Please tell me this is normal

[MySonIsMyWorld]

Is it normal to feel like a utter shit mum all the time? Feel guilty for not playing with ds all day as im a sahm when he is tucked up in bed i feel so shit and i feel like i am letting him down, me and dp had a few problems when he was born which resulted in dp leaving 3 times but we are ok now, does that make me a shit mum?
I dont know. I feel so crap and im struggling to keep up with all the housework and i feel myself getting more and more tired and shit.
My ds doesnt eat very well, sometimes he just picks at things instead of eating, sorry for ranting it may not even make sense i just feel shit!!!! Dp doesnt help around the house at all, i dont want time for myself because i just end up bored, i dont know anymore...

I do know how you feel, but please try not to beat yourself up. I am a SAHM mum too, with two preschool DCs. Sometimes it feels like you just can't win. If I spend the day doing nice things with the DC then none of the housework gets done. If I do the house work then that involves me having to ignore the DC a lot and leaving them in front of the TV for long periods. And sometimes my kids just pick at their food, in fact sometimes they don't even want to sit at the table and they act like I am torturing them when I ask them to come and eat the meal I've prepared for them!

You are NOT shit. It's just a really hard job - in fact impossible to do well at all the time. And having relationship problems does NOT make you shit. Having kids makes relationships so much harder. DH and I never fell out so much as in the early days after my first DC was born.

The fact that you are there every day for your DS, even though it's hard work, makes you a GREAT mum. He loves you and doesn't need you to be perfect. I think us mums are very good at finding things to feel guilty about and adding up all the things we got wrong or didn't achieve each day. I think we need to try and let those things go and remember the positives - how many hugs and kisses we gave out, the meals prepared, clothes washed, toys picked up off the floor, praise and encouragement given out etc

Be kind to yourself

No, it shouldn't be 'normal' to feel like that (although a lot of people do). Sorry you're going through a tough patch. It will get better.

If it helps - you shouldn't be playing with DS all day - he needs time to himself too, just to take in any activities you have done with him.
BTW 'activities' covers anything from playground / playgroup to him 'helping' you put the washing in the machine, or making a huge mess dabbling in a bowl of soapy water.

Please don't worry too much about the house at the moment - you can only do what you can do. If it's depressing you though, and it sounds as though it is, then maybe tackle just one thing a day until you can a) get into a routine and b) get DP pulling his weight around the house.

As zulu said - be kind to yourself. It's because you're a good mother, you are upsetting yourself about whether DS has one, IYSWIM?

"Is it normal to feel like a utter shit mum all the time? "

No it's not. You probably have to revise your image of what a 'good mum' looks like because, right now, your expectations sound way too high. Houses do not have to be sparkling, children do not have to be stimulated with educational activities 24/7 and a baby that 'picks' at food is just a picky eater and not a sign of parenting failure. Partners, however, are meant to be just that... being fairly involved with house and home, not swanning around like an honoured guest, expecting to be waited upon.

If you think you could be depressed, talk to your HV or GP. Otherwise, think how you could make your life more fun and less boring - getting out more, meeting new people, making new friends, a job perhaps. Make your baby fit into your life rather than thinking it has to be the other way around.

(hugs) I hope things get better or you soon.

Thank you all so much i feel so much better xx

Glad things feel more positive today.

I have these wobbles about once a week for some unknown reason - today is a good day, i'm hoping tomorrow will be the same - thanks again