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Original poster

mother in law & partner ganging up on me -help!!

21 replies

nhynes13 · 28/02/2006 21:17

My boyfriends mum family (including him) seem to always want to take my baby although i wont let them, its really depressing me that he wont back up my descisions and i have tried to compromise by taking her to his house once a week but they just want more and more.. what can i do? am i being silly?

OP posts:
Beetroot · 28/02/2006 21:20

They want to take your baby? Can you explain.

How old is your baby?

Original poster
nhynes13 · 28/02/2006 21:35

shes six weeks, they want her to go up to their house so people can see her etc, now they want to take her out to my city centre

OP posts:
Beetroot · 28/02/2006 21:38

at 6 weeks old i woudl not have let anyone take my baby away form me for a substantial amount of time.

However, they are bovisouly proud of their grnad child and want to show her off. I guess that can be very frustrating for you.

Perhpas the agreement to go up once a week will help to sort things out. Tell them you are busy with baby sstuff.

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hunkermunker · 28/02/2006 21:41

DS2 is six weeks old and doesn't go anywhere without me. Fortunately my family respect this.

Like Beety says, they're probably just proud of her, but you are her mother and you have to have the final say. If it makes you uncomfortable, it doesn't happen.

Once a week sounds fair - perhaps a couple of impromptu visits in between times and can you email photos? The more open you appear with them having contact with her, the less grabby they'll be (I hope!).

madmarchhare · 28/02/2006 21:42

It can be awkward when youve got all the family gawping at you and pressuring you to do something youre not ready for.

Just laugh it off if you have to, but DO NOT do something you are uncomfortable with.

Sounds like you'll have plenty of babysitting offers when you are ready Wink.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 28/02/2006 21:46

they are probably very excited at their new grand-daughter - could you agree a compromise - maybe if you take her every week (first step) you could - in a couple of weeks or so - let them take her for a quick walk in the pram while she's asleep? (second step) and gradually build things from there. maybe next step you could leave her for an hour - but keep it gradual steps that you feel happy with

Mimsie · 28/02/2006 23:11

are you breastfeeding? if yes say sorry but baby can't be away from mummy! and say you can't express very well (which as it happens is prob true as it would mess up milk flow so early on)

Then explain to hubby that though you are over the moon that they love your DD but being passed over ends up making her restless and you're the one with the narky baby at the end of the day... plenty of literature will back you up on this!

nannyme · 01/03/2006 09:27

I so hate it when in laws or other family members treat babies as objects of desire. I mean it is wonderful that they are so proud and enthused, etc. etc. but so often I think grandchildren seem to fulfil too much of a purpose in the lives of their grandparents. Not in all families but I see it a lot. Sometimes it is as a boredom reliever, sometimes an opportunity to have another go at being a better parent, sometimes just to give the grandparents a bit of purpose.

I guess you are best off assuming that this is all innocent enthusiasm with a slight lack of thought for your feelings as a mother. Ignore my jaded and cynical observations!

Never become pressured into something you are desperately uncomfortable with, always strive for compromise and always expect 100 per cent support from your partner in front of his parents or wedges get driven sometimes. These are my mottos - learnt the hard way unfortunately.

Everybody has rights in the situation but most important are your baby's and right now she needs you most of all most of the time.

Original poster
nhynes13 · 01/03/2006 12:23

thanks everyone! i know they are just over the moon with her but i feel they are pressuring me into taking the steps but im just goin to be firm and def do it in those steps you suggested womanwho - yeah lucky me loads of babysitting help lol

OP posts:
Sammy04 · 13/10/2019 08:11

They shouldn’t really be taking the baby anywhere if you don’t want them to. My son didn’t leave my side x

DappledThings · 13/10/2019 16:56

@Sammy04

The baby is now 13 years old. I doubt it's still an issue!

Minai · 13/10/2019 21:08

No 6 week old baby needs to be away from their mum. Especially if you don’t want to be away from him. He’s your baby not a doll to be passed around. Tell your partner he should be backing you up and don’t give in

Minai · 13/10/2019 21:09

😂 just seen how old this thread is. Haha yeah probably no longer an issue!

Sammy04 · 14/10/2019 10:31

@DappledThingp what about for other mums reading this?

DappledThings · 14/10/2019 10:33

what about for other mums reading this?

They should start a new thread. Reviving zombie threads is really not the Mumsnet way

Sammy04 · 17/10/2019 23:37

@DappledThings It actually is

DappledThings · 18/10/2019 07:18

It really isn't! That's why threads have warnings on if nobody has posted in a long time.

Everyone just replies to the OP and anyone who has revived an old thread looking for their own advice gets ignored

Sammy04 · 18/10/2019 16:59

But we are here now?

DappledThings · 18/10/2019 18:36

Because you revived a zombie and I noticed and replied to explain why it was pointless to do so!

Sammy04 · 19/10/2019 18:06

Ok no need to be snappy 😕

Sammy04 · 19/10/2019 18:07

Back to the original point. Nobody can tell you what to do with your baby

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