Its been 1 night and im begging for help, please....

[VIX1980]

Im sat here in tears, i literally cant se through them cos im so stressed right now, i had my son last wednesday, he was in intensive care for a few days due to high temp and breathing problems but thankfully all ok now and we came home last night.

in hospital he was fed in the care unit every 2 hours, around 40ml, then his last day in there he started feeding 40ml when he woke up and demanded it but theyd never let him go over a 4 hour period. so ive been carrying this on while i had him the 1 night in hospital and last night.

its awful, i feel bad but all ive done since i came home is cry, i feel all im doing is feeding him, changing him, didnt help that dp changed his routine, he was due a bottle at 11 last night but he didnt give it to him till 1am, then he slept for an hour, woke up hungy, changed him, had another 60ml, slept another hour and a half, then woke again at half 5, gave him his last bottle then and he has slept sound since.

i dont know how often im meant to feed him i think i need to get the hungy baby milk cos hes going through them like nobodys business, he was a big baby 8lb 9.

i know its probably the same for everyone but i feel absolutely useless and just want to curl up and cry, should i be waking him up in the day from his long naps so he sleeps better at night?? i just dont know what to do?

Can you ask the Midwife or Health Visitor to come round and see you? You sound ever so upset

Feeding every couple of hours or so is totally normal for a 1 week old baby. Hungry milk really not necessary at this stage, he just needs smallish feeds very often, his tummy is only tiny yet.

Don't wake him unless he is sleeping a very long time, say 3hours or so, enjoy the quiet when you get it and SLEEP. Do not run round doing washing and tidying, SLEEP. Being knackered makes it all so much harder to cope with.

Are his nappies soaked wet and he is taking lots of milk through the day?

Oh poor you! You've been through a traumatic time. A baby in ICU is no picnic. the crying now you are home is just your body finally feeling safe enough to let go of all the tension and worry. It's also quite normal a few days after the birth of any baby. It sounds like you are doing fine. Hospitals are quite regimented places but now you need to go with the flow a bit and find your own balance at home. Routines change, babies needs change sometimes quite rapidly. There isn't much more to it in the early days than feeding, changing, cuddling and trying to get some rest in between.

Feed the baby as often as he seems to need it. Their stomachs are tiny so it will be little and often at this stage. I'd lay off the hungry baby milk for a few weeks and just try to feed him when he needs it. Don't forget to talk to your MW and HV when they come to visit, they will have seen it all before and soon you'll be coping fine. Make sure your DP keeps you stocked up with snacks and drinks and let everything else slide. All will be well and enjoy your little one!

You poor thing. I don't know if it will make you feel better, but what you describe with feeding and sleeping is entirely normal. Yes, you are going to do nothing but feed and change the baby for a few days, even weeks. It is an awful adjustment, I remember it well.

You need to get someone (dp?) to focus on attending to your needs - clean clothes, food, drink, a little space of time in which to shower/bath - while you concentrate solely on the baby. Try to sleep when the baby sleeps, whenever that is. Don't get up and attempt to catch up on housework or whatever else occurs to you to do. Ask someone else to do it if it really needs doing.

I don't think your baby needs hungry baby milk. It can be normal for babies to feed all day every day until they develop a routine, which might not be a for a few weeks.

Crying a lot is normal too especially if you had a bit of a shock seeing your baby ill after the birth. If you are still crying by the end of this week, I suggest you tell your MW/HV and maybe even go to the GP as it might be post-natal depression as opposed to baby blues which is common and usually sorts itself out quickly.

I do feel for you. Your post exactly describes the sleep-deprived, frustrating, scary time that I remember after my first baby was born (and to some extent, after all my babies...) It won't last forever, and once it is over, you will feel much happier. Congratulations on your baby btw!

Congratulations on your new baby. Feeding all the time is what most of them do. They can't distinguish day and night to start with and that's whay those first weeks are so exhausting.. The gaps between feeds aren't regular to begin with either. Within reason, there's no need to force your baby to take food if he doesn't ask for it, just be ready when he does. Similarly, if he likes long naps during the day, go with the flow and maybe get your head down at the same time so that you can recharge your batteries. Let DP help as much as possible. There's no right or wrong at this stage. Just getting to the end of the day in one piece!!

If you're really unhappy, talk to your HV about everything and let them reassure you. You're not useless at all. Good luck

it will get easier quickly x

you just need to feed him when he asks for it. if he is crying then try giving him a feed.

i personally wouldn't let him go longer than about 3 hours without a feed. he won't sleep better at night yet, he isn't even a week old. babies are supposed to feed little and often because their tummies are teeny tiny.

waking 2 or 3 times a night is actually really good for a newborn!

if you're local to me i'd happily come round and give him a cuddle for you :-D

Oh poor you and DS. The best thing I can say is please try to take a deep breathe and relax for a minute - you've had a really difficult time - is he your first as well, as you have a lot to deal with HOWEVER what you are feeling and what you are doing is normal. Ok so my advice to you is feed him as much and as often as he wants day and night. Babies feed a lot at this point and I'd stick with not letting him go longer than 4 hours even at night right now as well. I don't know about the hungry baby milk though, shouldn't be necessary I didn't need it with DS2 (8lb5) I hope you manage to get a bit of time to relax and take care, try not to be too hard on yourself you are doing fine.

You're not alone in feeling like you can't cope after one night either. I didn't even make it through my first night with my first baby. I had a couple of nights in hospital, then came home and found I couldn't get my baby to stop crying, even after feeds. I was hysterical and my dh had to ring my parents who lived 2 hours away. They advised I went to bed while dh held the baby and they drove up to be with us, and they ended up staying for a few nights, just while I found my feet.

It is a terriifying responsibility and you are utterly exhausted. Don't feel bad that you are struggling. It really does get easier very quickly.

How about 'hungry baby' formula for last feed only? Would it be compatible with ordinary formula in daytime?
Definitely get someone else to do all the other stuff.
It's really difficult, you feel ill/worried/stressed/knackered.
Do whatever makes it a bit easier. It will get better soon.
Congratulations!

Babies don't even begin to have any difference between day and night in the first month really. Of course you are feeling upset, you have been through a hard time. I agree with the others, there's no routine to be had with a newborn really - just feed him when he is hungry and let him have as much or as little as he wants. Stay away from the hungry baby milk for now, I expect it would probably just constipate him at this stage.
Waking him in the day won't help him sleep better at night, as I say, they don't have a day and night at this stage, that will take a few weeks. However, offer feeds at least every three hours in the day even if this does mean waking him up if he has been asleep. So if he does go 4 or 5 hours at any point without needing feeding, it is more likely to be when you are asleep at night. I think it took till week 4 for my DS to go that little bit longer in the night, and I certainly didn't need to wake him to feed in the day as he never went 3 whole hours! Newborns feed often, operate a shift system with your DP and get help from other family and friends so you can get a bit of rest.

Unfortunately you have to just go with the flow for the first couple of weeks until they settle down a little bit, you have both been through a lot and it takes a while for you to find out what works best.
Don't worry you will soon start finding it easier i promise.

Poor you OP, what a stressful time you've been through! No wonder all you want to do is curl up and cry. Congratulations on your baby, a newborn is a shock to the system even if all is well and you take them home straight away. Don't worry about any routine at this age, their stomachs are so tiny, they can only eat little and often. DS could only go for 3 hours max between feeds, even now as a toddler he eats little and often. It's ok not to wake him up to feed, unless you have been advised otherwise by the hospital. You could try feeding him during the night in the dark and keeping everything quiet (ish), and just feed as normal during the day to help him find a day-night pattern. It will take a few weeks though, he is so tiny.

Everything in the first few weeks is about survival. Split the nights with your DP, and do shifts, so you can each get a good chunk of sleep. Also sleep during the day if you can, you can co-sleep with your baby if you follow the safety precautions. Also try to go out every day, even if it's just for a walk. Take care of yourself too, if you feel too overwhelmed speak with someone, don't bottle it up. It's very hard but it goes very quickly, just go with the flow.