How to structure play without going to Mother and Baby groups (I hate them!!!)

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Hi all
I have a 3 month old son, and I have quickly come to realise that I absolutely HATE and detest mother and baby groups and organised baby stuff. I'm a pretty sociable person but I already have lots of friends and I have no interest in sitting around drinking bad instant coffee with a load of snobby competitive mums (I live on the verges of a very posh area, so it is pretty bad round here) and i'm really bad at being committed to weekly classes as I tend to get bored easily with that kind of thing after a few weeks. I really love hanging out with my son at home, and as I'm a serial DIY'er I'm really enjoying being able to get on with lots of little projects whilst he's asleep. My son gets lots of socialisation as we have several friends with babies, I'm not too worried that he really needs to go to something organised.

So my question is, where do I get ideas about how to play with my son in order to aid his development without going to classes? I had though that just talking to him, reading books with him and letting him look at and touch things would be enough, but I have a friend with a baby a few months older than mine who goes to a lot of these kind of things (which is great for her as she really enjoys them) who i've noticed has a much more structured attitude to play than I do - she knows lots of nursery rhymes and games for instance, and does art projects. Watching her makes me realise there could be something in going to classes as I think she doesn't have to think so hard about how to play with her child and I'm concerned that as he gets a little older I'll need to do a lot more to keep him entertained than I do at the moment. As this is my first one and I've never really been around children in all my 35 years, I'm a complete novice and don't know any games or anything, but equally I'm sure I would completely resent having to go to classes in order to learn them! So where can I pick up some ideas? Can anyone point me in the direction of any good books on the subject or websites? I'm sure I can't be the only person who feels like this!

You sound so much like me!

DD is now nearly 14 months and has only recently been going to the soft play. And only because we have a great one which is very laid-back and also a winter garden, so it's a nice vibe to read a book in as well. I waited til DD was able to get out of the way of careering kids. Still not done anything else with her though.

BUT she travels a lot, goes to the park, meets a lot of people, goes to museums etc etc. Yes, my DN (4 months older) has a repetoire of rhymes and gestures that DD lacks, but DD is flourishing in other ways so I'm really not fussed.

I remember having a panic when DD was about 10 months that I wasn't doing much with her except taking her to work and letting her wander around emptying the cupboards, but I've chilled out a lot now. In my opinion, once they can crawl, cruise etc, they can occupy themselves so much easier, and I have to say that DD can entertain herself for far longer than DN can - so being left to their own devices is also quite beneficial, I think.

I loved this book by Miriam Stoppard www.amazon.co.uk/Babys-First-Skills-Miriam-Stoppard/dp/1405335157/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1341328779&sr=8-5 and found it really useful.

OP, what you're doing is completely fine. Babies and young toddlers don't need a particularly structured approach, what they need when they're a bit older is someone who's willing to play alongside them and use their imagination to 'extend' their play. At three months the world and all that's in it is just coming into view - let your DS experience it at his own pace. He will develop just as fast as if you were taking him to groups (which are mostly for the adults in any case). Just make sure he has lots of natural substance toys to play with and not plastic (having had a five hour course with a childcare development expert on Saturday I am now very hot on how bad plastic is for development!)

I just found this thread by searching for 'I hate mother and baby groups!' as I too just can't stand them but feel guilty for not going to them. I love just staying at home with my 6 month old DS and playing and singing and reading. I do go to one group a week but he doesn't get a huge amount of enjoyment out of it. Have just ordered the above book, looks good and will hopefully put my mind at rest that I'm not stimulating him enough at home.

Baby centre website has a page where they suggest a different game for each week of their life.

He is 3 months old, babies don't need structured play. The groups are far more for parents to meet other parents.

I don't think they're that bothered until their about 1, even now Dd is 22m and we don't go to anything structured, just free play toddler groups and messy play.

Can't be doing with singing groups, swimming lessons etc, babies and toddlers need freedom. There will be plenty of time for structure at school. Just do what you both enjoy.

I think the one advantage of baby groups is socialization - kids realising that there are other small humans seems positive to me. But even that's probably way beyond the 3 months point - it seems like something that'd be positive for a one year old, but certainly it'd be possible to achieve this discover by other means.

I'd love to see some research on whether early socialization (esp in only children) actually did impact consideration for others in later life...

We have a Dave Benson Phillips DVD that has nursery rhymes on it. You could buy something like that if you think you don't know enough. Most of the songs I sing with Ds I got from my mum though.

We read lots. If we're going to be in the house a few days in a row I usually think up something to do - puddling in water, playing with string, blowing bubbles.

We also rotate toys so he doesn't get too bored.

But we didn't do any of that really til he was mobile (crawling) at 6 months. He's now 14 mo and a lot more interactive.

Did you do antenatal classes? Get on well with any of the other mums? Perhaps you can arrange to all go to the same mother and toddler group, there was one I tried on my own and hated it as it was full of woman who asked how many languages we spoke to DS in and which schools he was down for (by 6 months)... however, 3 of the other mums I knew from NCT classes were also looking for something to do on a Thursday morning so we arranged to all go, stopped at cafe nero on the way to avoid the crap coffee issues and rather enjoyed it. After a while other 'non yummy' mothers seemed to gravitate towards us, and reader, we took that group and made it our own! If you don't want to do that with them, perhaps just arranging to go round to each other's houses would help, different toys and interacting with other DCs is all your DC gets at that age from toddler groups.

Also found some structured classes from 6 months useful, we did baby sensory and sing & sign. Might also be worth seeing if the local library do singing time, that's free so you don't feel you have to commit to every week (and no crap coffee and competitive mother chats)

But most of all, make the most of your baby's pre-mobile days, get your DIY done, it gets a whole lot harder once they don't stay where you put them....

I think it pays to search far and wide for groups you do like tbh. It is narrow minded to dismiss all mums in one fell swoop. I didn't do many baby activities, I still don't, but I did seek out a small number of nice groups where my children could be around other small people, just to get used to them.

Seek out groups at alternative schools (if that's your kind of thing), art groups, movement groups - find niche things, and you will find mums on your wavelength.

For example, we have a park near us which has a free craft session. The lady who runs it is great and I have met a couple of really nice people there. Many of the ideas I bring home and repeat.

I'd be wary of writing off any social interaction at this early stage, once they are up and moving it is a relief to go somewhere else so they have some new objects/people to destroy explore.

Wonder Weeks is a great book. It details all the little skills your baby might be picking up at different stages and how to encourage them to develop or just help baby use them in a fun way. Obviously all babies are different and have preferences, but they all have little developmental spurts at fairly predictable times, apparently. I found it really interesting and noticed a few things that DD started doing that i might otherwise have missed as they're not the traditional milestones. It is also a reassuring book if your baby is suddenly fussy for no apparent reason - as mine was when it was recommended to me!