tell me what is good about having 2. .

[BeatriceBean]

I have 2 now but I'm really struggling with lack of sleep and not being able to give the other one as much attention. I'm not enjoying baby days like last time. . .

I'm shhh begining to regret having her (it was an extremely difficult birth ). It could be lack of sleep and hormones. .

Please reassure me that there are some benefits to having 2 .0I. Just keep thinking how much easier and cheaper and less tiring it would be with one.

Not sure how old yours are but mine are 5.6 and 2.6. I adored having one child and found the first 18months to 2 years of having 2 very hard work, not giving my DS the attention I felt he deserved plus my DD was much harder work than he ever was!! HOWEVER they are currently playing upstairs together and have the most wonderful relationship. For me the best thing about having 2 is the relationship between them and in the last few weeks they have started to play together more and more and I feel like I am getting my own life back a little (not that I don't adore being a mum before anyone jumps on that!). My friend who has just one the same age as my eldest finds it v difficult because he always wants her attention and to play with her 24/7 as he has no-one else to play with at home. Hope that helps...their is light at the end of the tunnel!! x

Thank you that does! We've got a similar age gap but 3 year old and new baby. I keep thinking I could have some life back now or. Just hop in the car with the older one and go out somewhere if it was just her . .

Just another year to go then until it clicks into place. . . I suspect sleep would help.

I think it gets better pretty quickly. 20mo age gap here and dd now 5mo. Yes there is jealousy, and it can be hard, but ds telling her he loves her, giving her cuddles, bringing her in a toy in the morning, choosing stories to share etc, and also the look of adoration in her eyes as she watches him tearing about the place really does make it feel more worth while.

I found having DS1 in day care 1 day a week was a real sanity saver. But having 2:

Pros:

• Now that they are 5 and almost 3, they play really well together. Listening to them chatter away makes me smile (and blush when they role play me getting cross !)

• Having 2 instead of more - have enough hands to hold their hands, and if need be drag them to where they need to go .

• They are learning to share very well

• They are learning to stick up for themselves

• They have a partner in crime (TBH I'm not all that sure this should be in the pros!!)

• They learn to play with children of different ages and abilities - due to mixed age playdates

• They learn to play with children of the opposite gender, I have 2 boys but some of their friends have a sister so they learn to play with girls as well, so learn 'gentle' or 'more boisterous' play.

• Snuggling up with one child on each side is adorable and makes you feel surrounded with love.

• Amazing how well they learn to balance on one of your legs, and so both fit on your lap

• Meet a wider range of other mothers

• easier to share with DH - each have a child to hold onto (well sometimes anyway!!)

Cons:

• Meals can be a nightmare

• They can set each other off

• They wind each other up

• The younger learns this waaaay too early

• School runs can be horrendous

• Not as much 1:1 time with each child

• If they share a room be prepared for lots of 'telling off' to get them to stay quiet long enough to fall asleep.

• Hard to make friends with people on nursery/school runs until your 2nd is old enough to not require constant monitoring.

Once you get over the sleepless nights and DC2 starts to play with DC1 things get easier, and really, really adorable.

two are easier because they entertain each other. Even though sometimes this can be by fighting, it still means they are occupied. It also teaches them valuable life lessons. ie, they wont always have an adult on hand to fulfil there every wish and desire etc. You just have to learn to be a good arbitrater

The first 18 months are really hard. Dh and I used to look at each other once they were both in bed and sometimes we'd guiltily ask 'why did we think having another was a good idea again?'

Ds is now 22 months and can play either on his own or with dd (6). They require very little attention when they are playing. They are delightful, they really are. I find parenting 2 much easier than 1 at the moment.

Lack of sleep is awful. Once you are through it you will realise just how low it made you feel. Your strength and health will return.

Two further things to look forward to - the sight of them cuddling each other and the sound of them giggling uncontrollably together. Bliss.

Thank-you.. There is hope...

Once they start playing together, 2 is easier than 1, hth. Nowadays, I avoid going out with just the one ...

I hear you, BeatriceBean. Same state here, same ages, same shit what have I done. I've been ill this weekend and I honestly don't know how I'll get through tonight.

DD is gorgeous but I'm struggling at the moment.

Hiya, same situation here only 6 months down the line. DS1 is 4 and lovely, good company, happy, manageable little boy and I really enjoy his company. DS2 is 6 months and not so happy or manageable and I am struggling to enjoy his company . I felt the same about DS1 at t his age too though and I keep reminding myself that all the crying, sleepless nights etc all pass and I would never be without DS1 for a second so I know it gets easier. I just feel so guilty for DS1 and even now I miss our time together terribly. I try to give him one on one time at least once a day but it's not always easy being on edge waiting for the little DS2 to start grizzling and making demands. Bless them both, when they're in bed I feel such love for them both but day times with 2 are hard work. I am hoping when DS2 can sit upm, crawl or walk etc it will get easier to entertain them both with activities. Anyway, sorry for rambling but I feel your pain!

Today. DS2 (22 months) was in floods of tears because I wanted him to come downstairs and he didn't want to because DS1 wasn't there to hold his hand (he was at preschool). He kept pointing to his own hand and saying DS1's name over and over again while crying hysterically. It was the cutest tantrum ever.

But... and it's a big but... the first 18 months or so, as others have said, were bloody hard. I'm only just feeling that we're really emerging from that phase. I've got a very similar gap to you (2 years 11 months) and it's really, really tough to start with. My best tips (other than to promise that it is worthwhile in the end) is to read 'Three Shoes, One Sock and No Hairbrush: Everything You Need to Know about having your Second Child'. I know some people don't like it because it can be a bit negative, but for me it was a godsend - it made me realise that I was not alone in what I was going through, and that it would get easier (and that some people had it even worse than me ).

In terms of actual concrete things that are better with two - for me, the main thing is that it truly has made DS1 a 'better' person now that he's got a little brother to look after. And the other wonderful thing, of course, is the second child him/herself. I think when they're tiny it's easy to see them through the prism of your first child (ie you regard the baby in terms of the effect it has on the rest of your family), and you can almost forget that they're going to be a little person in their own right. And now he's nearly two, DS2 is just the light of my life at the moment when he's not being a monster.

I have 2, now teenagers. It is much easier to start the letting go bit when there is more than one (oldest now at uni) and less tearful. Mind you , I don't think I slept through the night for 9 years... Not sure if this is helping but good luck!

I found a 3yo and a new baby very hard work. But it only took a few months for them to settle down- and since then we've had 12 years of mainly pros:

coming into their room late at night and finding them snuggled up together because little brother has had a nightmare and big sister has comforted him

being able to cook a meal in peace because they are entertaining each other

seeing big sister grow tall with pride when other children admire her cute little brother

having less time to worry about every single bit of parenting

finding, when little brother starts playschool, that he already knows half the children, because they are siblings or cousins of big sister's friends

little brother having a problem at school and being able to talk to somebody who really knows the place inside out (no, Miss Cross-face isn't really that scary, she just looks that way)

knowing that when you have a bad falling out with one of your children they are still not totally alone- there is someone in the house they can talk to

being able to send them into town on a shopping expedition while I'm putting my feet up at home (ds, how could you let her buy that canary yellow top, what were you thinking of?)

I think the first time it really came together for me was when ds was 6 months old and dd was having her photo taken at play-school. For some reason I missed the note that said that you can bring younger siblings in to have them taken as a group. When I turned up to collect dd she was in floods of tears because she hadn't been photographed with her little brother: I had to take her straight home and dress her and ds in their best and let them pose in the garden. That's when I really felt that "this sibling thing isn't just a thing I have imposed on her, she really loves him and is proud of him".

The last time it was brought home to me was the other week when dd had a potentially serious accident. Ds, who came home and found her, sobbed all the time while ringing emergency service and sat holding her hand in A&E. And again I looked at them and thought "they really really love each other".

The first few months are very difficult: older child is jealous, you feel pulled in all directions, the whole family routine changes and sleep deprivation makes everything feel so much worse. However, in time it gets easier. DS2 is now 4 months and starting to sleep through and no longer a velcro baby, which has made it so much easier. DD now understands he is here to stay and loves him as much as we do.

Good things: seeing DD1 look frantically for DS2 whenever they've been apart, trying to entertain him, chat to him. Of course, little DS himself who is a little bunch of smiles and charm (most of the time ) , and who can keep himself entertained for hours watching DD play in the room.

mrsrvc - I remember we were both on the 'toddler and newborn' support thread in those early months, so glad to see it's getting easier for you as well!

I found the first few months so hard, DS1 really worked out how to play the whole breastfeeding thing to his advantage, as soon as DS2 was latched on He would rampage round the house. DS2 fed a LOT so there was a lot of destruction. He also wouldn't nap anywhere other than a lap until around 6 months. I have to say, CBeebies was on almost permanently!

DS2 is 9 months now, and DS1 3.1 and it's easier in someways as DS2 loves watching DS1 play, but is now on the move so having a few problems with sharing (DS1 built a brio track that he was so proud of, and I had to spend an hour fighting with DS2 as he wanted to eat/dribble on/destroy it). At least he naps now, so I make sure to give DS1 loads of attention then (house is a shit tip, but can't be helped)

Nervous about what it's going to be like when DS2 starts walking. Think that's going to be hard!

cory I may have weeped a bit at your post, I can only hope my boys ar as close as your DC

I have a 4.9 year old and a 2.4 year old.

The first few months when DS2 was a newborn were hard and TV was on a lot in our household! Now, they show real excitement about seeing each other when they first wake up, the snuggle up to each other, have their own games, DS2 copies everything DS1 does (not sure if that's a good or bad thing!) and just revel in each other's company now. So much so, that I'm thinking whether it's time to add another one into the mix

It will get better OP. Yes it is easier and tiring (in the early days, not as they get older), definitely cheaper; but seeing their relationship form independently is inspiring to witness. Your two will always have each other.

I've come back to this thread and gosh how funny to look back.

Mine are now 5.6 and 2.6 and I adore having two, and I adore the age gap!! That first year (husband away) was just so very very tough on no sleep. Now its wonderful.

I just want to send hope to anyone else who was in the position I was!

How cool you came back to post!

Oh thank you BeatriceBean - glad to know you are getting along well.

My 2nd DC is 19 months and it has been so tough. Im starting to see the light and your resurrected thread will help me sleep tonight : )

Great to see an update! Can I ask if it is how you thought it would be?

I'm not sure how I thought it would be - I'm not quite sure what I thought it would be like! I did have a really really tough first year. Husband away, baby not sleeping at night, other one hyper in the day.

However now it is truly wonderful. Seeing the bond between them is fantastic, the little one misses the big one when she's at school, in half term they've played together from dawn to dusk and I've not had to be particularly hands on unless I've wanted to be. The big one kisses the little one better when she falls over, they both want to share their sweets. They are each other's best friend, and a ready made friend to play with when we go out.

I know it will change when they get bigger, and i'm sure they will fight at times etc but I'm so very very glad we had two. I can see how much easier it is in some ways with 1, but I do love seeing the relationship between them.

Greedy - after 2 years its just got better!

That sounds so lovely, if difficult at first! Just considering it myself!

This is reassuring; I've got ds, 2.8, and his baby sister, 7 weeks. Ds is being very challenging and everything is a whining tantrum he thankfully prefers daddy who has more patience but I'm actually enjoying the baby days a lot more this time, which makes me feel a bit guilty. I also have zero patience for ds :(

Good to know it may improve!

bean . that has just brought a tear to my eye. I have a dd age 5 and ds 4 months and sometimes think like you did .. why did I do this ?!

Even after 4 months it's easier (ds had reflux from 5 days not diagnosed until 6 weeks of pestering gp!)

i look forward to when ds is able to play with his big sister and see their bond .