Suddenly badly behaved

[Mishy1234]

Our 4.5 yo DS has always been a relatively easy child, but there has been a recent deterioration in his behaviour.

It seems to be mostly linked to excess energy. He's just non-stop, tearing around the place like a hurricane, jumping all over people, constant talking/singing/noise, ignoring requests and instructions, just not listening, behaving badly in public where is was perfectly behaved before.

I'm thinking it's just an age thing, maybe linked to a hormone surge? DH is finding it very difficult to deal with. He is of the school of 'just do as you are told', which of course doesn't work with a 4 yo. I'm getting increasingly frustrated with DH and his approach. We need a consistent approach and fast!

The main problem is that as DS has been really easy up until now we don't have a strategy in place. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any good books we can look at? Any experiences of dealing with a reluctant DH and getting him to understand these things need effort and not the trotting out of the same old phrases time after time?

Lots of exercise - and I mean loads, we had to be out every day without fail, we were out at the park more than we were in.

Early bed, and regular snacks so he doesn't get low sugar dip.

WRT to behaving and doing as told - we used time out and if we were out and he misbehaved then he was warned and there would be a consequence.

Has he started school yet? Ime they go through a bit of a dramatic change which can be alarming, but usually settle down. If he hasn't started school yet, he is probably ready to

Ime distraction is the key not 'do as I say.'

We do go out a lot, but could do more. I feel that DH sometimes has unrealistic expectations of DS. Yesterday he expected him to stand quietly for more than 20 minutes whilst he chose sunglasses. He doesn't understand that doing that is hard for DS.

He goes to bed about 6:30, story and then asleep by 7. He isn't in school yet (we deferred him a year which you can do in Scotland), but he's starting at the school nursery in sept. He does go a private nursery 2 days atm.

We do time out, but DH just doesn't seem to want to put the effort in. When he does do it, he doesn't follow the process properly.

I agree, distraction works best. DS's behaviour just seems to deteriorate as soon as DH comes home. We are going on holiday for 2.5 weeks soon and I'm dreading it. The thought of refereeing 24/7 is exhausting.

We use 1-2-3 Magic. If you ignore the Americanisms it's actually rather good and certainly helps with our wilful 4.8yo, who has been a challenge to every boundary in existence since he could walk.

Good luck!

That's utterly ridiculous, my 11 year would be hard pushed to stand for 20 mins while I chose something! I would get bored waiting that long for my dh and I'm 41!!

We didn't take ds shopping with us at all at that age, groceries were ordered on line and any shopping we did we went by ourselves or we would go together and take it in turns - usually shopped somewhere where there was a park or a play centre in the mall so ds was entertained.

Your dh is setting himself up for a very hard time and from what you have posted it sounds like the problem is your dh's unrealistic expectations not your 4 year old who sounds perfectly normal imo.

I agree valiumredhead. Up until now DS1 has been extremely compliant and I think that is the problem. DH can't understand why he is changing. I find it distressing because I do think it will affect their relationship. I think it has already. My MIL said that DS had told her 'daddy shouts at me all the time'. What can I do about it? Give him an ultimatum to make some effort or leave? I end up intervening all the time which doesn't do anything for DS's impression of DH.

moonbells - I have heard of that system. I'll look into it, thanks.

I think he'll get fed up and realise it doesn't work eventually OP, every time he asks ds to do something unrealistic just tell him outright.

Tell him that ds said he shouts all the time - might be the wake up call he needs.

I used to go around a lot with mine/travel abroad/go on public transport etc. But I always thought (and dh did too) that it was our job to have a plan for those times: so if we had to wait at a bus stop somebody would be telling dc a story, if we had to choose sunglasses we would get dc involved, if we were on the bus we'd be playing I spy.

My 15yo has given up taking me shopping because I get fidgety after the first 5 minutes. (I reckon it is because she's not telling me a story ). So she takes little brother instead.