Feel like im doing it all

[YummyMummyToOne]

Got a daughter who is 1 and I dont feel supported by my parnter at all. Hes at work in the days but he won't wake up till about 15 mins b4 he needs to leave get up gets ready has a 2 second hug with our daughter then hes off. He then gets home half an hour b4 she goes to bed and normally spends most of that half a hour in shower as he is a builder and is always quite dirty after work. In the night I get no help if our daughter wakes up he just rolls over and goes back to sleep which in the week i can deal with, but at weekends hes no more help. I get up wen ever our daughter does (normally about 5/6am) and he just stays in bed like he hasnt got a one year old :(. by the time he wakes up at around half 9 im so angry with him that i don't even want to spent time with him. I just feel like im doing everything and its really starting to be too much. Have spoke to him about it ALOT and its better for a day or 2 then its bk to this again. Its just hard to watch him living what seems to be the same life as before we had our daughter while i have gave up everything to take care of her. Dont really have any friends I can see in the day and i feel like its just me and my daughter im starting to lose it and don't know what to do anymore.

I don't have the perfect balance myself, but I used to do it all and now my DH does some, so things have moved in the right direction for me.

My advice would be to tell your DP what you'd like him to do. "I'm going a bit crazy spending every waking moment with baby. On Saturday, ease will you get up with her so that I can have a bath and go for a walk. I'll be back from my walk by 10 am and then we could all have breakfast together." He'll probably be shocked that you've asked, but stick with it and he'll get more confident with being in sole charge and you'll get more confident with asking him to take over for a few hours.

I really hope you manage to get him to take sole responsibility for a few hours on Saturday/Sunday mornings. It really can restore your craziness settings and give you the power to get through the next week.

Also, when he's done the caring you've asked him to do DO NOT SAY THANK YOU! I used to say thank you, but it just imiea in your head and his that it was your job really and he's done you a favour by caring for your baby. It was never just your job and he hasn't done you a favour, so instead of "thank you", say "having a bit of time to have a bath and go for a walk has made me feel human again. Did you and baby have a lovely time?" and then get on with your breakfast :)

Good luck!

Imiea should be implies!

My DH works very long hours and is not there in the week for getting up and bedtimes. And because him and DD are not really used to each other I end up doing early get-ups and bedtimes on his days off as well - grrrr.

Because of this, I always insist that they go out together for several hours on both his days off. I have a bath, nap, pop into town etc. They always come back having had a lovely time - as when I'm there DD is very clingy to me, so it is nice for DH to have time on his own with her.

HappyAsASandboy agree, I don't say thank you for DH parenting his own child. I just say, "did you have a lovely time?"

This is not just about you getting a break (which you do need) but also your dd needs to build a relationship with her father.

Sorry to sound so depressing but what if something happened to you, would you feel confident her dad could look after her? He needs to look after her on his own for her sake and his. Its very important especially for girls to have a good relationship with their father - has been linked to all kinds of outcomes when they are an adult, when they lose their virginity etc.

When she is asleep have a calm chat putting all your points across. Suggest that next day off he gets up with her, even if they just sit in pjs and watch telly its a start. If he doesn't get up when she wakes, get her out of cot and put her next to him, go to another room (hopefully to a spare bed!).