Toddler fears - how to deal?

[VickyandAlistair]

Hi helpful Mumsnet ladies!

Need some help and advice. My ds is 21mo and recently, in the last month or 2, he seems to be getting more and more afraid and fearful of things. His current fears are as follows:

The hoover
Hand dryers
And loud noises
People coughing
horses
cows
pigs

I also showed him a spider which was on our wall the other day, he's never really seen a spider before, and I tried to show him how pretty it was, etc, but he was immediately afraid of it, like it was a gut reaction in him.

I'm a phobic person myself - I have quite a few fears, always have had and they have held me back many times in my life. I NEVER show these fears to ds, never. I make a real effort to swallow them when he is around. He just seems to be naturally fearful, as I was, and I so dont want my gorgeous ds to have a childhood blighted by various fears like I did :(

So what is best when ds is afraid? Should I ignore it? Expose him to his fear and show him it isnt scary? Give in to it? I just don't know. I just want my happy, fearless little ds back :(

I would ask someone else to help you with this. Reason for saying that is that, even though you are trying not to show your fears, they are probably still coming through. Example. My friend is very uncomfortable around animals, masks it very well, but her DD picked up on it. They came to my house one day, the cat walked into the room, and her DD screamed the place down. My friend did what you did i.e talk about how nice the cat was etc, but the DD kept screaming. Finally, I took the kid into another room let her help me put some food in the cat's dish etc. said similar things to Mum and she was quite happy to pat the cat's head in the end. I think the fact that it was me - genuine animal-loving Aunty Cog - saying these things rather than Mum trying to fake it that was the difference.

So if you know someone who really likes horses, I'd leave him with them for a while and go get a cup of tea.

Don't push things. If he doesn't like things then leave it and don't force it.

I agree with cogito - she's right as he will pick up on your fears. I've given up trying to hide my fear of bees for example and let DH do the "oh look at that bumble bee" thing while I run screaming look on. If its just me and DS, I dont bother.

DS also went through a phase of not liking loud things after being fine. TBH they are a bit scary eg the vacuum if you're small. Again I just treat it as matter of fact and cuddle ds if he needs it but I don't try and make him get closer etc.