How do you deal with sick children when you work fulltime?

[FairyMum]

Both DS and DD have got terrible colds this week. Not just your normal winter cold, but really heavy colds. I have still sent them off to school/nursery and I am now feeling so Guuuuilty. I know they would have benefited from a day or two at home and i obviously don't want them to pass it on to others (although everyone seems to have colds at the moment). However, I have already had lots of time off to care for sick children this year and I am reluctant to take more off before Christmas unless they are really sick of course.
What do the rest of you do when your kids are sick? How do make the call whether they are too sick for nursery? I normally keep them home when they have fever, but there are lots of situations when I put calpol in DS and send him off to nursery anyway. Not idea, but otherwise I just couldn't work........

Can I also ask how many days on average you take off a year to care for a sick child, and do you share with your DP/DH?

Paid compassionate leave is different to time of for dependants - all very complicated. My company also allow me paid time off to sort out child care issues - however the last company I worked for did not. I think if you work for a big company and don't take the p*ss most of the time they let it go. I think it is really bad that as "parents" at work - there are not clear guidelines - perhaps we should start a petition to send to Tony - Gordon is a guaranteed signature I reckon.

I get really mad about all the hype there was about parents going back to work would get loads of tax credit for childcare and working family credit blah blah blah - hasn't made me any better off. Infact is laughable really. I would be better off working part time.

FairyMum - I do that - monitor everyone absences just incase I need it

This "alternative arrangements" malarky really gets to me. I hear that every time! "Do try to sort out alternative arrangements Mrs. Fairy". For God's sake, what am I supposed to do? I am talking on the phone while holding a feverish child I have been up with all night and with puke all over me....Should I just stop some person in the street and ask them to take over? Anyway, what they don't understand is that I don't WANT to leave my sick child.

There is guilt what ever you do - if you stay at home you feel guilty for not going to work and if you go to work you feel guilty for not staying home. Hence now my hardcore attitude - if they have issues around the fact I take time off to care for dd, that's there problem - you can't be sacked for that. (However you can be unpaid)

I've been extremely fortunate with my DD and have only had to take 2 days this year for her being sick. She was sick for another 3 days but this convienately happened whilst I had already booked some holiday. I've also had to take the odd hour off here and there to take her to the drs - but always try and make up the time to compensate.

I too find that I get disapproval from both managers and colleagues not only for having time off for DD, (despite making the time up if I can), but also for appointments for my current pregnancy, and also as I have to leave at 4.30pm every day in order to collect DD from nursery. Much of this comes from my line manager who hasn't got any kids so I don't think she understands how hard it can be. I find managers who have kids are a bit more understanding. The whole situation makes me so angry as I always try and do a good job otherwise but constantly feel that I have to make a choice between my family and work

I'm actually suprised at the attitudes some of your dh's seem to get. I have found both at my work and dh's that men taking time off for kids (or on one occasion a colleague bringing his 10 year old into the office for 2 dyas in school hols) is viewed as being so sweet that the father is so involved. Yet if I, or other women even considered bringing a child into the office we would be seen as being disorganised and unable to cope with parenting and a career!

Oh Fairydust, it's so hard isn't it.

My childminder is my best mate, soon to change to my dad and my mum is my other childminder so I never mind sending her off. However I had a call at 4 yesterday from friend/childminder who is preganant with no 3 to say that Lottie hadn't stopped crying and was not well at all. I didn't know what to do.
My male boss doesn't have kids and all he can see is me having to run off again and I was so worried about having to ask if I could leave a bit earlier yesterday.

Then there are the days that my friend calls to say that she / the boys are really ill and she can't have Lottie - nightmare but somehow something always works out.

Life as a working mum is a huge juggling act and sometimes you have to drop a ball, it's just impossible to keep all balls in the air 24/7, 365. Tons of symapthy and love to you Fairydust - xxxx

I work for a large organisation - 5,000 employees. Our policy is that if your child is sick you can have a maximum of 2 (non-consecutive) days per year paid at the discretion of your manager, any more should be from annual leave or taken unpaid - employee's own choice.

I have taken 1 day this year which my manager (a bloke!) made me take from my annual leave, and no sick days myself. I have been very lucky with the health of myself and dd - others in my office have had to take quite a lot of annual leave because of their children's sickness. The policy applies to fathers as well and I think it is fair. IMO it is wrong to lie and say you are ill when it is really your child who is ill.

It may be wrong, but not everywhere has a straightforward policy Scoobysnax. I've found that unless DD has soemthing dramatic (hand, foot and mouth caused widespread horror) you tend to be seen as making excuses.

As Fairymum says, there is also the simple fact that many mums (myself included) want to be with their sick child. I sent DD to school a few times when she'd been up with croup and felt so guilty, esp when i picked up this wan little thing who just needed to be at home to give her time to really "get well" rather than "well enough".

Message withdrawn

Scoobysnax, I don't want to lie either, but I feel I am forced into lying because the policy is so crap. Most parents force themselve to go to work even when they are quite ill, just because they might need time off for their sick child later. I think as a parent you are already quite used to just keep going despite being sick.Your children don't exactly give you time off or being sick....
I find it really frustrating that my colleagues have in general much more time off a year than me, yet I am the one who has to take it unpaid. Lying is therefore the best policy and I shall lie without an ounce of guilt next time I need time off. I have even told my manager in no uncertain terms that their policy and attitude to working mums encourage people to lie, so I am quite open about how crap I think it is.....

The other thing is that the dept has an unofficial policy of giving up to 8 "sick days" a year before they start asking for forms, cutting pay. Plenty of people will use this to get plumber in, g shopping and so on. don't see why I shouldn't claim to be ill and stay at home with DD if needs be.

I hate lying too - but feel it it is the only option. The parental leave policy in DH's and my workplace say that in order to use it you have to give notice beforehand anyway which is pretty useless when dd is sick. Like or not, I think the attitude in our workplace is less forgiving towards mums who take time off to look after their kids. I also think a lot depends on your managers and the type of company you work for. Eg My sister works for the civil service and they don't bat an eyelid when she has to take sick days off for either herself or her ds.

I'm sure we get 3 days paid care leave.

On top of that we also get special leave for unavoidable emergencies (one of the definitions was an emergency concerning a child who would usually be in the care of an educational establishment at that time).

I thought there was also something about parental leave if your children were under 8? 6? or up to 18 if disabled, but perhaps that was the unpaid leave.

Where I work colleagues only get funny about you taking time off for sick children if it happens on a regular basis AND they have to cover for you. We had a woman with 3 teens & she didn't do a whole month for over a year because at least one of her kids was always ill. You expect it with little ones because their immune system isn't developed, but not teenagers.

I'm lucky in that I work part-time, & for an extremely understanding organisation. I've only been there since March, & actually ds hasn't been ill in that time. And the in-laws aren't too far away either. But I digress.... I'm fairly sure that my contract says I have 5 days per year that I can take as & when as emergency child care leave, on top of annual leave. This was also the case in my previous job. Both were/are charities, & maybe it wouldn't work in a commercial organisation but it might be worth pushing your HR people. DP works for the Department of Health & has also never had a problem leaving early if ds is ill (or the infamous time the nursery had no heating & closed down). We tend to take it in turns to take time off, depending on meetings etc.

I work for the government and we do get 5 paid days off a year for emergencies at the discretion of your supervisor.
I work part-time so I was only entitled to 2 and I've already taken them. Besides these 2 days, since March, dh and I have taken 2 days holidays each and I have also taken a day from flexitime (one of the advantages of being in the civil service, even though the pay is c*!)
The good thing about part-time is that I could make up for time lost on other days, but that usually entails paying extra for childcare (as I don't ahve anyone to look after dd) so it makes more sense to take it from my annual leave.
I ahve taken one day off sick myself which was absolute bliss, as dd was at nursery and I spent the whole day in bed!!

Dh doesn't mind taking time off, but his job doesn't usually allow for it. (he tends to work an average of 15 hrs a day plus some weekends)I was very lucky when dd fell ill at a time when he wasn't too busy (v.unusual)
So you all have my sympathy and I suppose with 2 things just get worse, double the chance of them being ill!!

When I first started work dd was ill twice in the first month, I was so desperate I started a similar thread here on mumsnet, I was wondering how was I going to get through he year...but things have got better and in a way or another we manage, at the end of the day, if I run out of annual leave or flexitime, I'll just use my parental leave (unpaid). After all I don't work for the money (after the nursery and train tickets there's nothing left), but just to keep my brain cells alive for a little longer, so it's all worth it for me!!

I must admit I only keep her at home when she has a fever, and luckily for us, she isn't prone to stomach bugs so we don't get that, but she's had a few throat/chest infections this year and even thoguh the nursery policy is to keep them at home until they've completed their course, tha's 5 days very time, and I can't afford that. She goes back as soon as she's well and the fever has gone!

I encourage all my staff to take whatever flexi-time / TOIL they need to care for sick children. Allow them to take work home, work over the w/e, or use holiday if they would prefer. OR take as much unpaid leave as they need, on the spur of the moment. We already have quite a generous holiday allowance, and on the whole people are so relieved to be able to do what they need to do without hassle and pressure - me included! My DP's employers have the same system: he is working from home right now, with DS asleep on the sofa.
I mean it's not as if you have a CHOICE when kids are sick, is it?

My employer definitely does NOT pay for you to have days off to look after sick children. I've had several days where ds has had a high temperature, therefore not allowed to go to nursery, so I have to stay at home with him and my pay is docked from the first day. Seeing as I only make a profit of £30 annually anyway this is not good!

I'm really lucky that I have my mum round the corner for emergencies, but she travels alot and isn't always available. I too, have been guilty of having to lie to look after a sick child. My employer, Hampshire County Council, 'generously' allows you paid days off to look after an ill "...spouse, sibling, or parent." You'll notice that children are conspicuous by their absence!!!!

I don't consider it lying. If I have been up all night looking after a sick child, I really don't consider myself to be in a fit state to go and teach. So I call in sick!

Well, actually, I have mentioned that ds is sick on every occassion too. Coward.

Sympathy, Fairymum. My DD1 has severe asthma and has been off school for the past 2 weeks with pneumonia. I have a full time nanny, but wanted to be at home with her and have taken odd days here and there (with DH covering the rest of the time). I always take annual leave (didn't know civil servants were allowed 5 days paid to look after sick children - will have to look into that one!) to avoid bad feeling - fortunately I have 40 days leave a year...

Sympathy where I work is nil - either all sour single women or men with wives at home. My last boss told me I couldn't take an afternoon off to go and look after DD1 as his girlfriend was ill and he was going home to look after her and the office needed to be manned! I just waited till he'd gone and went home myself. Sod the office!

I do think working mums have to be careful though. I used to work with someone who drove the rest of us mad as we never knew if she was coming to work or not (or if she was going to stay the whole day!). Her husband would ring in and say she was "a bit tired" and "didn't fancy coming to work". She never took it as annual leave and her boss was too weak to do anything about it, despite complaints from everyone...