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Parenting

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Original poster

Non-uniform day fail

44 replies

InMySpareTime · 28/06/2012 19:06

DS (10) went to school by himself in uniform this morning. On my way to DD's school I passed one of DS's classmates, not in uniform. I asked his dad "Is it non uniform today?" and he said it was a class treat for today, they had a letter from school.
WIBU to not drop everything and bring spare clothes in for DS to change into? I thought about it, and decided he would learn the lesson to give me letters from school, rather than his current practice of shrugging his shoulders and saying "oh, I forgot".
DS is pretty cross with me right now though.
I'm not quite brave enough to post this in AIBU, but do you think this was a good call?

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Dancergirl · 29/06/2012 13:15

So if your dh/dp was in a similar situation and forgot something to bring in for work, you wouldn't help him out if you were able to?

GoodButNotOutstanding · 29/06/2012 13:34

Flogging her choice wasn't really to just let him be humiliated when she could have helped. Her choice was to drive 30 mins home, then 30 mins back, then the next 15 mins to work, making herself over an hour late for work and he would be laughed at either for being late or for being in a silly costume. He is a fairly confident boy anyway and was fine, just a bit annoyed. If he'd been a sensitive child that would have been traumatised then I'm sure she would have done something different.

Yes I would help out if I could, but personally I am usually at work and need to be there on time, so it isn't as easy as all that.

TheOneWithTheHair · 29/06/2012 13:38

I think that by the time InMySpareTime got back to school the "damage" would have been done anyway.

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Original poster

InMySpareTime · 29/06/2012 13:52

The earliest I could have got to school with clothes would have been 9.45, and I would have compounded his embarrassment by then. To be fair, he had a key, and had time to go home and change if it really was that much of a problem.
He is very responsible and mature in most respects, but we have had a number of instances where he's not given us school letters (even a couple where we've had to decipher crumpled, juice smudged letters found at the bottom of his bag).
It remains to be seen whether he'll start taking more responsibility for letters. Here's hoping

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GrimmaTheNome · 29/06/2012 16:18

So if your dh/dp was in a similar situation and forgot something to bring in for work, you wouldn't help him out if you were able to?

It would depend on whether it was something vital or not. DH once got to the airport hotel prior to flying abroad early next morning for an interview, and realised he'd packed a suit the trousers of which really needed a belt .. but no belt. So I drove that evening- with small DD of necessity - to take him the belt, 2hr round trip. Yes, to prevent the possibility of his trousers descending during a job interview I would.

A child turning up in uniform on mufti day is really not that important.

smoothieooo · 29/06/2012 16:31

When the same thing happened to me (but I took DS into school), his teacher insisted that I go home and get him some non-uniform clothes (which I did, even though it did not go down well when I was late for work). Fast forward 6 years and he still forgets to give me letters about school trips and birthday invitations. Maybe if I'd ignored his teacher back then he would have earned his lesson....

OwlsOnStrings · 29/06/2012 16:41

Dancer - it would depend on what it was.

I'd be late for work to take him his vital meeting papers or laptop, just as I've taken in homework (at primary age) or lunch for dd2. If he'd worn casual clothes, having forgotten a client meeting, then I'd take them in, just as I've taken in dd2's tie when she'd lost it on school photo day. But if he turns up in a suit on mufti day then he's on his own!

BackforGood · 29/06/2012 16:46

I'd be the same as you - said to him,"Well, maybe you might remember to give me the letter next time, or write it on the calendar yourself". It's not going to do him any harm being in his uniform all day.

DiscoDaisy · 29/06/2012 16:49

My 11 yr old and 10 yr old DD's go by bus to a school over 10 miles away. Funnily enough they very rarely forget anything as they know it won't be taken in for them!

sherbetpips · 29/06/2012 16:52

He is 10 - his fault he didnt know

Bonkerz · 29/06/2012 16:52

I failed to send dd in non uniform
Today. Remembered at 8:55 but she had been at breakfast club since 8:15 and I was setting up a group I run. Felt awful but I just forgot despite the text yesterday to remind me. (our conservatory was damaged in storm yesterday by golf ball sized hail stones and had a nightmare trying to stop flooding and builder arrive at 7am so I was very stressed) that's my excuse

mathanxiety · 29/06/2012 17:03

I wouldn't have bothered.

I'm not sure if it speeds up the process of developing a sense of personal responsibility if you have to live with the consequences of forgetting things, having seen five DCs through the dreaded age of 9/10 when they seem to develop holes in their heads. But they have to start somewhere.

They are all very good at resenting it when others drop the ball (as they see it) at that age, so I would take the crossness of the DS with a large pinch of salt and possibly ask what he planned to do in future to make sure things that were important him were communicated in time to you. That ought to make him think a bit.

2catsand1rabbit · 29/06/2012 19:32

You did the right thing in my opinion.

Original poster

InMySpareTime · 29/06/2012 19:45

Thanks everyone for your replies.
DS is happy with me again, although the saga continues.
DH has gone ahead to set up Scout camp for this weekend, DS was getting a lift there at 5.30pm.
DH phoned to ask DS to bring a camera for him, as he forgot to pick it up.
Guess what was the one thing DS had forgotten when we got to the scout hut?
Cue a 25 minute round trip on foot to get it again.
At least I know DS didn't get all his forgetfulness from me

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TheOneWithTheHair · 29/06/2012 20:44

Oh my. That's a classic right there. No lessons learned then.

Forgive me for laughing.

Original poster

InMySpareTime · 29/06/2012 21:10

It would be funny if it hadn't involved quite so much walking!
I actually gave him the camera too, then he wandered off and put it down in his room.

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BackforGood · 29/06/2012 22:29

My ds is 16 now, and done around 150 nights away with Scouts over the year, plus residentials with school, and various trips with his Dad.
Today he's gone to an Outdoor Ed Centre, and, guess what ? His walking boots are still in the conservatory, despite the fact I've been nagiing him for about 3 dayss to pack even though I said to him about 8 3 or 4 times in the 20mins before we left... "Have you got your cag, and your walking boots ?" and when he replied they are in the conservatory, my reply was "well put them either in your bag or by the front door now as you don't want to forget them.

BackforGood · 29/06/2012 22:30

year years

The first would be impressive!

Original poster

InMySpareTime · 29/06/2012 22:42

I was am fairly scatty, but have developed strategies to stop me forgetting things as much . I will have a talk with DS when he's back to discuss strategies he could use to mitigate the scattiness.

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