how does your child react to being told off? (sort of discipline question)

[rhetorician]

DD is 3.5 and doesn't react very well to being told off. She either goes into a sulk, complains that you have slighted her in some way, or acts like you have just done or said the most unreasonable thing in the world. The one thing she doesn't do (usually) is to moderate her behaviour. I am finding her quite tricky at the moment as she consistently: refuses to answer questions, do as she's told, goes off on one when told off. Any tips? What does your child do?

Bursts into tears usually, followed by either lashing out or denial he ever did x in the first place. Or runs off with a cheeky grin.
I try to keep telling off to a minimum, as opposed to telling him what he should do, and save my energy for when its important enough that I physically hold him and make him do as I say.
Distraction and discussion work mostly to avert the problem in the first place, thankfully, as he's a stubborn git and will sit down and refuse to cooperate for over an hour if I don't break out of the loop and do something else that lets both of us save face.
Then there's the bad days...

see, that's already helped! I think I need to be much more positive and directive with her - telling off is all negative, and she isn't the most confident of children. My god, but it's a battle, isn't it? thanks so much for that

My DS used to take any telling off very personally (still does, in fact) so I have to pick my battles. Because he hates it so much, however, this means he's fairly easy to reason with... i.e. "you don't like being told off & I don't like doing it so if you do XYZ nicely, we all have a nice life." If he still misbehaves and I have to pull him up & it all goes pear-shaped then I just ignore it until he's calmed down again.

I don't have to tell DD off too often (thankfully) but when i do, she thinks its the end of the world lol. What i do instead is 'choices and consequences' i explain to her that if she carries on with what ever it is, then she will go to her bedroom, have no tv, no trip out at the weekend etc then tell her its her choice. Most of the time this works and she makes the right choice (it doesn't always work though lol) i find this helps as i don't need to tell her off that much at all

Going off on one isn't necessarily a bad thing: it shows she dislikes being told off, so she cares. And may deliberately avoid putting herself in these situations as she grows older. I was like this and my parents had very little trouble with me once I got past the toddler stage. The teen deal was that they would treat me like an adult as long as I behaved like an adult- and because I disliked being in the wrong, it worked.

A child who apologises very sweetly may not actually be taking your rebukes to heart very much.

so it's all hopeful for the future then cory? Oh good.

My 2.10 year old, runs off and hides his face. He will then look out slowly to see how angry my face it. It takes all the will in the world not to laugh at this, esp. when he covers his face with his hands and s l o w l y opens his fingers to see if I'm really angry. :o
6 y o always completely over-reacts. Example:
Me: DS1, don't take toys off your brother, that's not nice.
DS1: Well, that's it then. I won't be having anything on my birthday because I'm so naughty. You should phone the police. I am the naughtiest boy in the world...
He's not actually being sarky, just wants confirmation that he's not the worst boy in the world, but it's very very annoying when he does it!