DD (12) skipping lunch at school

[sweetheart]

I asked my dd this morning what she had made for her packed lunch and she said nothing. When I queried if she had any money on her cafe account she said no and that she wasn't having lunch as she wasn't hungry. It seems she's been doing this all week - and possibly in the past too!

Now there are a few issues here and I'm not really sure what to do about it.

Dd generally has a crap relationship with food and I'm pretty sure that stems from me as I'm always on some kind of diet or another! I've tried to impress on her the importance of eating a healthy meal but she is a carb freak and will often pick the meat out of her meals.

I don't think the meal skipping is diet related as dh says she eats a lot when she gets home from school. I was worried she was coming home and filing up on crisps / biscuits and cakes and that dh was letting her thinking that she'd had a healthy lunch but apparently she does eat fruit and salad too when she gets in.

I'm not really sure how to approach this - mostly because I'm at a loss how to actually eat healthily myself. I'm not sure making a big deal about it is the way to go!?!?!?

I've explained to her that she should eat something to fuel her body for concentration for learning in the afternoon but on the other hand should I be encouraging her to eat even if she really isn't hungry?

She's rubbish with breakfast - won't eat cereal or toast. She generally will eat either waffles, a couple of sausages or some fruit.

Can anyone help? Should I challenge her on this? or let it go without a fuss?

You can't realistically control how much she eats during the day at school unless there was some reason why you'd ask for support from the teaching staff e.g. she's underweight, fainting in class, taking a lot of time off with minor illnesses etc. You could mention it to teachers however, if you think that there is any kind of peer-pressure being applied. Do other girls that she socialises with do the same thing? Is it going around that it's 'cool' to skip lunch?

She does need nourishment during the day for the reasons you described such as concentration.... regular meals & snacks are very important, especially for people who 'aren't hungry'. Ironically, skipping meals is a big factor in obesity.

You can control how much she eats at other times of the day, of course. Try not to get too hung up on what you think is healthy. There is a valid place for moderate amounts of biscuits cakes and crisps alongside meals that are nourishing and balanced. Teenagers need a lot of energy and it doesn't have to be entirely from wholesome, nutritious sources. Most need a big hit of energy when they get home from school... especially those skipping lunch. Fruit and salad don't supply that energy. It's encouraging that she likes a decent breakfast. If she likes waffle and sausages, get her to wash it down with some energy-rich orange juice or maybe suggest eggs for a change, that kind of thing. A daily multivitamin with iron is also a good idea. And then, for supper, again you're in control of the options and quantities.

Keep a gentle eye on her weight and other early-warning signs of malnutrition like irregular periods, fatigue, aggression. Otherwise, if she has a good appetite at other times of day, she will probably get bored with the gnawing pains mid-afternoon eventually.

My DD is very like this, so we make up a packed lunch full of stuff she will eat, it doesn't look much like a traditional packed lunch, but is full of quick to eat snacks. So today she had a banana, a yoghurt, a brioche, a packet of fruit hearts and a go ahead bar. Its not ideal but is better than the bag of grapes she was surviving on before. With a packed lunch I can also monitor how much she has eaten. I also try to make sure she eats healthily the rest of the time, although quantity is a real problem, a multi vitamin helps a bit.

My son was similar at the same age, he eats better now but can still skip lunch because he has better things to do.

I do wish I could send them to a school where their eating was monitored, but at least on school trips it is monitored more carefully.

ok, so i can climb off the ceiling and not worry so much about the meal skipping. I asked her friend this morning if she does this and she said yes. I don't think I need to worry about eating disorders as she eats at other times of the day and she wasn't really trying to hide the fact she missed her lunch as she told me outright herself.

I will encourage her to eat something at lunchtime if she's not hungry - even just a small snack to keep her energy levels up.

She has started to podge out a bit around her middle but I suspect this is hormone related more than anything but I will keep an eye on it as I come from a family of obese over eaters

We had a number of girls doing this at dd's school. It upset dd, as she was one of the few who did eat lunch, as I had insisted. The head of year ended up having a general nutrition/diet conversation with the whole year group, which opened up the discussion amongst the girls.

Seemed to work.