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Original poster

Furious with clumsy husband putting baby at risk

36 replies

AgBag · 25/06/2012 23:20

How can I get my husband to be less clumsy and not put our 7 month old at risk?
Yesterday was our DDs christening day. My husband was holding her next to her cake for photos and then picked up the knife to cut it which DD then reached out to grab and cut her hand. Fortunately it was minor but bled a lot and was very upsetting (for me at least), she wasn't at all bothered. Where is my idiot husbands common sense?!
Then, today, he dropped her while reaching for something to change her nappy. She was concussed, spaced out and cried for over 30mins. After an ambulance trip to A&E we're told she's fine.
I'm fuming. I can't believe I married such a prat with no common sense. Today was terrifying, but I think yesterday with the knife could have been much worse and we were incredibly lucky it wasn't more serious. I don't understand how he could be so clumsy to drop her today. It wasn't that she rolled off her change table or that something else distracted him, he just dropped her.
How can I forgive this and ever trust him with the baby again?
This morning had already been hell for me as I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (after a traumatic birth due to a midwife making serious mistakes, ) and had to go through a 'Reliving' session this morning. Having to return to the hospital today was dreadful.
But my biggest concern is what do do about my prat of a husband. He feels awful about it, but so he should. What can I do to stop this happening again? Should I trust him again?

OP posts:
Hebiegebies · 25/06/2012 23:24

Sorry hear what you are going through. Today must have been really tough.

Shame that DH did thoses 2 things so close together and on the day you were so emotionally drained. However things like that do happen and your DH is sorry. Possibly you are more upset due to what you have already been through.

I'm sure your DH will be extra careful now.

seeker · 25/06/2012 23:29

Accidents happen. They might even happen to you. Would you expect him to forgive you?

Why do you think she was concussed? If she had been it's very unlikely that the hospital would have sent her home.

BackforGood · 25/06/2012 23:49

It's very upsetting to see your dcs hurt, but I think YABU (I know it's not that topic, but it's useful shorthand) to be calling him names and saying you won't be able to trust him with her again. Your distress is coming out in anger, which is common, but not really fair, as hopefully you will see once you have calmed down.
Accidents happen. They happen to people sometimes in the best of care. Some people are unfortunate to be more accident prone than others - you know, they don't choose to be that way, and would probably prefer not to be.
As long as dh loves her and doesn't do things that could be reasonably expected to put her at risk, then there is no reason to be worried.

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Billy11 · 26/06/2012 00:09

most hubbies are like that...my daughter will play with him and he is watching footbal so doesnt pay attention ...one time she fell off the sofa from the high end and almost broke her neck ....and he thinks i should chill out as nothing is wrong with her...

madwomanintheattic · 26/06/2012 00:27

All sounds v normal, I'm afraid. Accidents do happen. Maybe leave him on his own with the baby a bit more so he gets used to the responsibility?

I do know how you feel, sometimes when little ones have a traumatic start you feel they are even more vulnerable, but you do need to just step back and let him get on with it. He'll learn.

greentreespurpleflowers · 26/06/2012 05:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMuddyPuddles · 26/06/2012 05:47

Accidents happen, but are these the only instances of daft behaviour? Or does he have form with her, or even from before she was born?

Has he done an infant/ child first aid course? I remember getting a leaflet on child safety from my HV, maybe see if yours can offer one or suggest training ...

Tee2072 · 26/06/2012 06:17

I dropped my son when he was 3 weeks.

Accidents happen.

pullupapew · 26/06/2012 07:06

Disagree with the suggestion 'most hubbies are like that'!

EdithWeston · 26/06/2012 07:16

It's really really common for people to have minor accidents with babies (dropping them, leaving unsuitable things around).

Of course you must trust her with her father.

Or would it be fair for him to attempt to ban you being near her should you trip when carrying her, or some other mishap?

Do you see parenting as a joint project? Or are you pushing your DH out of certain spheres (why should it be only you who makes decisions)? If you become controlling, then you risk him becoming ever less involved with his children because he can't get past you. Is that the kind of family life you want?

Are you breastfeeding? If not, how about you go away for a couple if days to recharge. Trust your DH to look after her.

cory · 26/06/2012 08:27

I have been the person in charge on every single instance when dc have had an accident worth mentioning. Fortunately noone thought to ban me from being near dc or drew the conclusion that "this is what mothers are like".

Dh may well have felt like you do on the occasion when we sat watching dd unconscious in hospital after I had made a misjudgment about letting her on the climbing frame, but he kept his feelings to himself.

ZuleikaD · 26/06/2012 08:34

Accidents happen. Your dd is fine after both minor incidents. You need to trust your husband.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/06/2012 08:35

I had ALL my childhood accidents when my dad was watching me.

Electrocution, drinking toxic liquids, playing with matches. The lot.

I survived.

Original poster
AgBag · 26/06/2012 08:37

Thanks for your comments everyone. I think it was unfortunate that it was two accidents in two consecutive days, and I'd had a particularly rotten morning anyway. I'll try and chill out a bit !

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 26/06/2012 08:39

Chill. It happens.

It could even happen on "your watch".

ThisTimeNextYearRodney · 26/06/2012 08:57

I think consecutive accidents make them worse in your mind, and also that the knife incident could have been worse - when 'near misses' happen with my DC I find it really hard not to keep imagining how it could have been worse. For instance, when DS1 was 7 months and in his 'grabbiest' stage, we were having lunch out and he reached out from my lap and pulled a full mug of coffee onto himself! Totally my fault, but fortunately it was my coffee, and was stone cold as I hadn't been able to drink it due to DS1's grabby-ness. Still makes me feel ill thinking how much worse it could have been. Anyway, point is, accidents do happen.

And if it makes you feel better, my Mum dropped DSis down the stairs when she was a baby, and she is on her way to qualifying as a lawyer, so didn't do her any harm!

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 26/06/2012 09:18

You had a fright as I'm sure your DH did as well.

All the accidents DD had seemed to happen with everyone but me and yes I freaked out. Strangely enough most of the accidents invloving DS seem to have happened with me Blush Hats off to my DP for never really giving me a hard time about my fuck ups.

mummahubba · 26/06/2012 12:20

Is it possible that you are transferring your feelings about the midwife making serious mistakes onto your husband and that is why it feels so loaded? These are accidents which do happen to everyone.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 26/06/2012 18:24

Do you think your husband is nervous when you're around because he's aware of your worries etc and so that is indirectly causing accidents to happen? Sounds like he's a good dad in all respects and that these two incidents were just accidents - which as others have said, do happen.

Don't make the mistake of assuming you know best because you're the mother. I have done this countless times and undermined my DP who is an excellent father. I'd be really hurt if he did this to me and assumed I wasn't as good a parent as him.

dangerousliaison · 26/06/2012 18:51

I think you need to give your DH a massive hug and tell him you would feel awfull too if both accidents had happened in two days with dd in your watch and so he deserves a break so from now on all nappy changes and cake cutting shall be done by your self in future, Grin and laugh at what a clumsy twat he is. Because once you calm down and realise dd is fine and the shock has passed from today you will realise it could have happened to anyone.

bumperella · 26/06/2012 22:44

My DH dropped my DD whent she was 2 days old, still in the hospital. She was fine, but it is really awful and so difficult not to kill "D"H in the situation! I also felt like he was always doing stupid things - leaving knives within reach, not watching her, letti g her roll off the bed/change-mat, etc.
She's 15 mnths now and in rude health, no marks or scars or lasting damage....and to be fair, the scariest near-misses have always been on "my watch".

BackforGood · 26/06/2012 22:50

and of course, one day you will look back and laugh about this - maybe at her 18th or her graduation or wedding, but you will Smile

SecrectFarleysNibbler · 27/06/2012 11:43

M brother put my 3mth old dd down on the kitchen table on top of a pillow and went to make a cup of tea!!!!! She rolled off and hit the ground - I was both furious ( stupid thick prat with no common sense) and also understanding ( he has no experience of babies and it was just inexperience). A&e - BOTH got a rollicking from the consultant and he checked us up with SS. My brother wouldn't hold her again for months and kept his distance for weeks when really he needed to get more hands on and LEARN how to be around her.

KLou111 · 27/06/2012 14:49

Yes you are annoyed, but these things happen I'm afraid! You do your best to stop things, but things you take for granted in everyday life can be hurtful for children.
My sons fell off the bed, the sofa, his changing table, all not anyone's 'fault' as such as he's so quick, but yes it does annoy you when someone else does it versus you!
It doesn't mean they love them less than you.
It was an unfortunate oversight. Try and move on from it, I'm sure your partner didn't do it on purpose!

KLou111 · 27/06/2012 14:51

And I'm sure he was annoyed more with himself than you were with him :)