HV advice...not really sure.

[Weezie85]

Ok, so just wanted to ask what you have done, or would do in this position?
My little three week old DD likes to cuddle durin the day. She will happily sit on a playmat for a little while. Sometimes however she will scream and scream Her nappy will be clean, she will be fed, she will be fine temp wise, but will just want holding. Now I had thought nothing of picking her up, neither had DH but the HV said to us we are just creating a rod for our own back. My thinking was its a big scary world for her outside the womb and she is only ickle. Am I creating a rod for ny own back? When did you stop or have you never comforted when they just want hugs?

If you're feeling confident, I'd report the HV for giving out such crappy advice. Unfortunately there are parents who will believe her. She needs retraining - urgently.

You cannot cuddle a baby too much, it's there in black and white somewhere in the red book. There is also research to support the idea that secure babies become more independent sooner.

"My rod, my back, my baby, now be a dear and fuck off run along now."

When someone says 'rod for your own back' just start daydreaming

You know, I think that's where a lot of people are going wrong - when you ignore your instincts and listen to so-called 'professionals'.

Enjoy your baby and cuddle her as much as you want. Oh and I would second the person who said you don't HAVE to see her or get her weighed. I thought it was the law to go to the baby clinic fortnightly when I had dd1.

I don't know what goes through the heads of some of these people. Fortunately my local HV is lovely.
Of course a three week old wants as many scrummy cuddles as she can get. Until just three short weeks ago she was inside you all day every day. Being on you is as close to that as you can get. Most ways that people comfort babies (cuddling close, rocking, patting, shusshing) are ways of recreating the womb experience on the outside because up till birth that is all they have known.
You can not spoil a tiny baby with love. Three weeks is ever so tiny, enjoy those lovely newborn cuddles and don't let anyone tell you otherwise

It sounds like we have the same HV mine asked if I carried my 4 week around a lot because I answered the door to her whilst holding him, and then said that I shouldn't cuddle him too much or he wouldn't become independent.

She also suggested I offer water in the night to resettle because he was waking every 2 hours for a bf - this was also when he was 4 weeks old.

Fortunately I had read lots of great advice on MN so ignored her and my ds is now a very independent 6 month old who squirms around when I try to cuddle him as he just wants to be playing.

One thing that amazed me when I first had him was how much contradictory advice you get from MW's and other health professionals. MW I saw at first was very much in the "you can't spoil a baby camp" HV was the total opposite. So I just used my own judgement in the end.

Mm, cuddles, they're Bad Things. After all, the worlds worst dictators have all been accused of having mothers who cuddled them too much as tennsy babies.... oh, no hang on....

Enjoy your cuddles! The health v should be sacked for her ignorance

Oh and agree with world gone crazy you should report her so she doesn't give out any more ill thought advice. There may be mothers out there who would do what she said

Have always cuddled my baby when he wanted it - which seemed to be all the time for ages and ages. He was not manipulating me. He needed the love. Now I am regularly told by complete strangers that he seems really happy, confident and independent. He loves me to bits.

The best advice for a new mum:

• trust your baby;
• trust your instincts;
• smile and nod at HVs knowing that some of them talk worse ** than the most ill-informed mil. It's not as though they come out with this stuff because they've done a research fellowship in it. It's just their (incredibly outdated heartless) opinion, which is the opposite of the next HV's.

What everyone else said. Just so you know there are many people who don't think that way.

Another voice for cuddles. And another Little Miss Independence here! Cuddled whenever she wanted and when she didn't!-- and she was very confident right from the off. Rod for your own back, my arse!

Hearing advice like this makes me love my HV that little bit more. They're not all rubbish, some are fantastic, but the more I mumsnet, the rarer I think they are. :(