Wanting my dad to become more involved

[Joolsy]

My OH's dad and my mum are both deceased. OH's mum lives down the road, is disabled but is happy for my DDs (8 and 3) to go to her for an hour or 2, whenever. DD1 goes on her own after school about once a week so I can go shopping whilst DD2 is at nursery. I don't tend to send DD2 there as I feel MIL would struggle to look after her, particularly if DD1 wasn't there. My dad & partner live 1 hours drive away. DD1 used to go & stay there a few times a year, for up to 3 nights at a time. However she's been less keen since DD2 was born and they've both only been there to stay once, for 1 night. I really want my dad & partner to have them more often so OH & I can enjoy the odd night out/lie in! DD2 might not be keen on going for the first time but I'm sure she'd be fine esp if DD1 is there too. I've asked him a couple of times but all I get is "yes, we'll sort something out" and other similar responses. I just compare it to other grandparents I know who seem to have the grandkids every other weekend or so. Apart from OH's mum, my dad & his partner are the only family that I have. My dad just always seems busy every weekend but I feel he should be putting his granddaughters first sometimes. Any thoughts please?

Two small children are hard work and a bigger responsibility than one by themselves. Your Dad and his partner like their own space and plenty of older couples are exactly the same. It's not unusual. If you want to go out for the evening, why not ask them to stay at your house?

I understand that, however, DD1 is no trouble and very helpful, that is why I want to send them both together so she can help look after DD2 and they will have each other if either is nervous about going. I'm sure they would be fine once they've settled in as they both love seeing them.

I know you don't want to hear this but your dad and partner obviously don't want to have your DDs to stay if you have asked various times and got a vague response. Maybe they feel 2 DC would be harder work than when they used to have just your elder DD or they are getting older and feel it it more tiring for them now? They are not obliged to spend their weekends looking after their grandchildren.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic as it is hard to see other people getting huge amounts of free childcare from grandparents when you are not in the same position. FWIW my PIL are generally lovely but not keen on evening babysitting and my DF and SM don't live locally and have never helped out although help stepsis with her DC all the time.

Sorry, but your DF is under no obligation to look after your DC at all! Yes, it would be nice to have time off, but you're hardly going to be the first person who doesn't have help with their DC.

My PIL are lovely, live on the other side of the world. When we visit and stay with them the only way they look after my DSs is if we are going out for a walk, or a quick dinner at the local pub which is a 2 minute walk away, and only after we have already put the DSs to bed. My DM (also on the other side of the world) is unable to look after the DSs at all due to ill health. Them's the breaks.

Hire a babysitter, and have your night out. You don't get a sleep in, but after a few years hopefully you will be able to swap sleep overs with parents of your DD's friends.