Disagree with partner on parenting - and we don't even have kids!

[Magpieblue]

Hi everyone, just looking for a bit of advice. My partner and I have agreed to try for a baby next year but we're already arguing about how to parent. I'm 100% against smacking, he thinks it is ok and says he will smack our (future) kid if they are very naughty. I'm dubious about the safety of talc, he says he likes the smell and will use it when he changes nappies. The list goes on. I'm not expecting to agree on everything but if we're already fighting over this now, isn't it going to get worse if we actually have children?

He's incredibly stubborn and his views are formed from his childhood, whereas mine come from research and reading. Not sure if these things are big enough to walk away from him over - in all other ways he's caring and supportive. Aaargh!

Get him to read some of the things you've been reading. I freely admit I had all sorts of ideas about parenting before having babies that were ill informed and I soon revised my views when faced with an actual baby.

Tell him to use talc on himself if he likes it so much. You are correct to be anti-smacking. You can't teach children it's wrong to hit unless you refrain from it yourself.

haha, only have an opinion once you have them...we all had the idea of being the perfect parent having the perfect child....it ant like that - yes, I do smack, they had a dummy, I shout, loss my temper, scream, endless things I said I wouldnt do. All children are different too. Read the endless threads on here!

Too many books and not enough practicalities here I think! Sorry if your relationship isnt strong now its not going to get easier either. Argueing about talc - how odd - does anyone use talc its drying??? Having children is hardwork, challenging and strains even the best relationships I'm afraid - its not lush or cute.

Perhaps you want to build up the relationship first. Theres never a rush to have children (unless age is an issue).

Obviously don't have children with this man if your views are already so far apart. It would be different if he wasn't 'stubborn' but, since stubborn is so often code for 'doesn't take anyone else's opinion seriously', I would be worried about his whole attitude towards you should you have children & maybe have to stop working for a while. Raising a baby is challenging enough when you're both on the same page. If he's not listening to you now in the cold light of day when you are both supposed to be equal partners in a relationship, imagine the trouble you'll have through pregnancy, birth and the early days of motherhood when you are a) most vulnerable and b) most in need of a partner's support.

Should add... now would be a good time to engineer time together with people who have small children and babies. That way you can judge whether your book-smart and his learned-from-childhood approaches are anywhere near the reality or whether you're both wide of the mark.

If you need a compromise on at least one point, you can buy liquid talc from asda :)

It's worth talking about this stuff now.

Most people use nappy cream over talc these days - much better for babies bums and lungs.

Smacking is a potentially make or break conversation for you - it's pretty serious to disagree on. Other topics you could probably sort out with a bit of compromise.