Are you SAHM? How do you deal...

[pinkpeppa]

with the comments from others that you have taken yourself out of the workforce for too long, and that you may no longer be employable?

Have been getting a lot of this recently and am a bit fed up with it tbh

I've been a SAHM for 7 years, pregnant with #3, so guess that will another 4-5 years. TBH I think I'm lucky not to have to work, I can bring up my children with the stress of nurseries, childminders, depending on relatives to help. It's a really important role being a SAHM snd you do learn other skills. I know it seems to others that one may appear unemployable but it's not forever and kids go to school and there are opportunities to retrain or update training. I was a physio & had planned to return to work after 3 months retraining but this wee surprise came along. Not making much sense. But basically I think you should value what you do as a SAHM, you are part of the community doing a very important job. Enjoy it and be confident in your job in society.

thanks Carries, and congratulations on your 3rd!

Funnily, I'm wondering recently about having a 3rd. Mine are 5 and 3. Youngest would be in nursery from this Sept 4 mornings a week. DH would love 3 kids, finances are ok etc.

I do feel I'm doing the best thing I can by being SAHM, it suits our household as DH often has to travel globally at a weeks notice, so I figure if I was working out of the home too, it may be just too crazy for the kids and myself to juggle. I think there will always be jobs out there when the kids are older, but ironically, they are getting more needy emotionally as they get older, and I want them to have the stability of a parent who they know will be available for them, above any employer, their needs will come first to me.

Just get fed up with all the criticism out there, that I am wasting my education or talents by choosing to SAH

I don't get the comments, though I know quite a lot of other SAHMs and many who only work 1 or 2 days a week.

When people talk to me about it, I say (truthfully) that it's the best job in the world and it would take a lot to make me want to do anything else.

It's a lot more fun & satisfying than my previous job.

Mind you, before I had DS, I had loads of criticism about wasting my education & talents by doing jobs which weren't sufficiently using my skills. (I have a good Oxbridge degree, and was a primary school teacher, then did admin in local government education.) I just repeated the mantra, "It's what I want to be doing and what works for our family," and kept going till the other person got the hint.

I"ve only had it a couple of times, and I flippantly say that I don't need to work as DH is so rich and well paid and I probably wouldn't work even if I didn't have kids.

This isn't true, but they can bugger off - I wouldn't dream of asking or commenting on anyone else's choices with their children.

My sister in law made similar comments to me last year (have been Sahm for 8 years) so out of curiosity I applied for 3 jobs, one in a school, one in a office and one in a restaurant. I got offered the school one and the restaurant one so now I'm just a bit meh to that sort of comment

Re your first point, the thing is to recognise - at least to yourself - that it is true. You may struggle to find a job after 7 years or whatever out of the workplace. I know many (brilliant, talented, experienced) women who have. That's not to say there are not things you can do to address it with retraining etc. IT's not the end of the road.

Re wasting your time and talents, well that's just rubbish. Be confident in your decision!

By the time my youngest goes to primary school then I'll have been a SAHM for 8 years...but I don't regret it. I do not want other people looking after them whilst I go out to work, I'd rather do the early years care myself and then they can go full time at school when they each reach 5yo.

OP don't feel bad about your decision. You're doing a great job!!

lovechoc, thanks, I dont want others looking after them, and there are times I just feel so lucky to be with them and nurture them

life is short, I would regret missing this time more than missing a rung on the career ladder, just wish others would keep their opinions to themselves!

For a long time it didn't bother me at all, but now DDs are both about to be at high school it does.

My Mum never returned to work and I am not her. I haven't a house proud bone in my body.

Now the DDs don't need me so much, I need something else.

Also comment about finding a job off 11y friends of DDs don't help.

I was at the bottom career wise anyway when I had DC1 so it wasn't really an issue for me, it wasn't a difficult decision to give up work. I did go back to work when DC1 was 7mo but it didn't feel right and within a few months I handed in my notice and have never looked back (that was almost 5 years ago now).

If financially we couldn't manage on one income then obviously I'd have to return to my career but we manage fine (for the foreseeable future) and so I will return when I see fit.

Yes there are days when it can be boring but being a SAHM is what you make it. DH works 12hr shifts so I'm often taking care of DC on my own from early morning and putting them to bed myself so it is daunting but I set the pace, no one else does this. It's nice being your own boss at home!

I've been a sahm for nearly 9 years. Youngest DC started school 2 years ago and I had a bit of a panic then about going back to work. Didn't actually want to go back to work at that point though.

I've got used to being at home now and really enjoy it. Perhaps when youngest starts at secondary school in 5 years time I might think again. But will have been out of paid employment for 14 years by then!

It doesn't bother me as DH will hopefully be able to cut back on his workload by then and we'll be able to go out during the day for lunches/exhibitions/cinema/walks.

When people ask if I'm working / returning I explain I have worked since I was 13 and am now revelling in the decadence of being unemployed and a scrounger. I find people then tell me I'm doing a very important job staying at home and to enjoy it

Probably explains why I don't get the comments either.

I just tell them that no one would pay me to watch "homes under the hammer" in my joggers whilst eating malteesers, which is, of course, all I do all day

Seriously though...I have one ds at school and another at pre school who starts school next sept. I do volunteer work during the week at school and church.

I know I need to be thinking about what happens next year BUT I have no idea what I want to do. I need to retrain but as what???....

I was feeling guilty about being at home when my youngest started secondary school and was wondering about looking for work to get me back into the system.

Then one of them broke his ankle and needed driving backwards and forwards to school for eight weeks, to say nothing for his hospital appointments.

I took it as a sign I wasn't meant to work and so I haven't. It's coming up 21 years and I doubt I'll ever work again. I don't need to, we luckily have enough to live on and I do plenty of voluntary work, so I don't manage to watch Jeremy Kyle daily. :o

feeling more and more reassured, thanks ladies

they do need one of us to be around, and any money I did earn would go directly to a childminder, who wouldnt have the same bond with them as I do

dunno, I see it as there are plenty of jobs I could do, once theyre older. Just get lots of people banging on about the recession, how jobs are scarce, what if DH lost his job (he would just apply elsewhere or relocate abroad, again) what if, what if...

what if my kids need their mother?

oh and lots of 'lady of leisure'comments from inlaws, who don't know me well

I guess it comes down to what suits us as a family, and it works for us this way

Absolutely.
All parents do what is best for their families I am sure.
Just as we do.
For me it was a no brainer...ds1 was a very poorly baby and has sen so he needs me more than the average 9 yr old would.
My ds2 is 3 and so is still pretty reliant on me.
I never call myself a full time mum though...I think it's really disrespectful to wohms.

yep agree badvoc, i say I'm a mum

just on MN i thought the term was SAHM, it's confusing really as raising kids is a lot more active than staying at home all day, the term is misleading and inaccurate

all mums work, just wondering really for me what the next step should be, retrain in something, or have the 3rd baby, while the age gap is still close, and while I have the energy for another and while DH loves the idea of another

i guess it's all linked to identity or sthing

also i do think the kids need me, i really do feel that

Dh and I made the decision when I was pg with ds1 (before we knew about his problems) that I would be a sahm til he started school.
I went back to work part time when he started school but got (very unexpectedly pg) with ds2 almost straight away!
So I only did 5 months in the end (difficult pg)
Ds2doesn't start school til next sept so I will have been a sahm for almost 10 years by the time he starts!