7 year olds being mean...i'm just bewildered...

[alwaysworriedtoo]

I just had to write to get this off my chest. My D.D was in floods of tears earlier because at lunchtimes all the other children at the same table comment on her lunch. Eeeurgh-ing at what she has.It has happened in the past but she hasn't said anything for a while and we thought it had stopped but it all came out tonight. We always try and vary her sandwich filling and she likes lots of things and enjoys trying new things too. She will also have something homemade= bun or biscuity, some fruit and a drink a flask of milky tea, (heavily diluted)juice, nesquik milk, plain milk... This last week I have started to wrap her food in fabric sandwich wrappings instead of clingfilm and I think that this is what has sparked off the interest in what she has got again. 'X says they don't like spinnach' 'y said thay dont like fish' or 'when Z asked me what I had got in my packed lunch and I told tham they said eeuurh disgusting.' She was really proud of her cutey wrapped lunch and enjoyed planning what she was going to have, but she is noticing that the other kids have fruit shoots or sweet looking fruity roll things and crisp and yogurty stuff in tubes. We won't buy these things and although I sometimes feel a bit of a goody goody I don't want to feel guilty about my daughter feeling the odd one out. Does that make sense? Anyway I have told her that if it happens again on monday I will have a word with her teacher. She also cried about a girl she is friends with saying 'shes not my friend anymore because she always moves her chair away from me in class, if I get hurt she ha- has and she doesn't want me to play with her at playtime.' She says she thinks her and some of the other girls whisper about her in class too. We walk to school with this girl and they always seem fine, but again, this girl is allowed to cross the road on her own and then pulls her tongue out at my dd when she waits for me to catch up.

Is it at this age when kids start noticing other kids, what they have or don't have or what they can and can't do?

I can only remember being bewildered because some girls would pretend to be friends and then wouldn't really be, but I was never bothered about who had what, I think I lived in my own little bubble!

I soothed her tears anyway and said that on Monday she should see how it goes and if nessesary I would speak to the teacher and this girls mum.

Also (another rant) one of the girls has introduced the word snogging into the playground, I am not nieve enough to think that this wouldn't happen in the playground at some point but it seems so many of them are obsessed with having a boyfriend and who they love and telling each other to go and 'snog' one another.
They are 7! What is happening!

They can be so vile, I find it is all happening now, 7yo. I tell mine to toughen up and decide who is a friend and who is not.

How about getting her school dinners instead?

You have my sympathies . My lovely little dd somehow ended up in a group of girls who delighted in excluding people, seemingly randomly, for fun. So one day X was her best friend, and the next day X was telling everyone else not to play with dd if they wanted to be in her "club"!

dd (just turned 7) didn't really know what to make of this, so she went along with it, playing with her "best friends" when she was "allowed" and playing with other children when she wasn't. Made my blood boil, but dd funnily enough didn't seem too upset (although her older sister (8) was fuming on her behalf, as she was keeping an eye on the situation, and confirmed what dd was saying)

I just kept encouraging her to branch out and play with other children, and happily she now seems to have drifted away from the "meanies" and plays with a couple of other girls and the boys. I'm pleased she hasn't let these girls get her down, she is such a laid back funny wee girl, and I hated to see her on the odd occasion she was upset about it all. I did mention it to the teacher, because when she first started playing with other people her erstwhile "friends" went crying to the teacher and dd got a telling off! I didn't want the school to be involved, but I felt they needed to know the background and I knew dd wouldn't volunteer it to the teacher herself. The teacher was quite concerned, as some of the behaviour seemed very manipulative and intentionally ostracising, and she wanted names etc which I didn't really want to provide. Her teacher said she would talk to the whole class about "secret clubs" and excluding people, but I think (thankfully) dd has just moved on. I'm glad- if they can be that bitchy at 7, imagine what they would be like as teens!

In summary, I wouldn't bend over backwards to get your dd to "fit in" with these girls- either they accept her as she is, or she is better off without them as friends. If she gets the impression that she needs to conform to their ideals now to keep friends, IMO that sets up a whole slippery slope for the future. Good luck

Thank you for the advice! we have decided on the toughen up route.. (it was hard as she is sensative and responsive to others feelings) We had a large ongoing conversation that boiled down to.'Don't worry what other people say or think, you are not a sheep, you don't have to be/do the same as everyone else and if someone doesn't want to play with you, thats ok go and play with someone elae..' Also lunch 'eerggh back at what they have got'
We didn't put it as bluntly as that but you get the idea! She came out of school looking sad but we had the 'don't worry about it....'conversation again and I think that maybe a few days down the line she will be ok about it all. It will sink in that it really does not matter! I also told her that it is great that she likes to be different and is different from everyone else in her taste, 'you have been, seen and know about lots of things the others don't...'
Also the same girls name keeps coming up and we've told her that she is probably jealous. It sounds horribly self rightous when it's written down! Anyway thanks!!!! I felt better about it just getting it written down!

I want my girl to go to your daughter's school, so they can become friends . My daughter (son is very much "who cares" attitude. She's not) is also getting teased about her healthy lunch, and the fact that she likes seeds, nuts, dried fruit, and vegetables.
She told me one day that one of her "friends" had taken her muffin (full of seeds, carrot and orange. It's loads better than it sounds) took it to her mouth saying mmmmhh chocolate muffin, my daughter told her what it was and she just threw it on the ground going eughhh. End of story my daughter no longer wants to have her favourite muffins in her lunchbox.

I think you're right to encourage her to be her own person and the rest be damned. But within reason. It is hard having obviously different things from your peers, even if those things are nice. And I'd make doubly sure she's being her own person and not your own person. If she really is the only kid with an obviously super healthy lunch I would let her add frubes or crisps or a drink in a packaged looking bottle occasionally if she wants to. Or change her to school dinners. We used to tease the kid with the mung bean sandwich in homemade brown bread at primary school. We liked her but it was just too tempting to comment on her obviously different (and in our eyes inferior) lunch while we munched on our wotsits and kitkats.

more, that is horrible :( some children really have no idea that they can hurt others feelings and in this day and age with all the p.s.h.e.and circle times they have in school it really is even harder to grasp. Your muffins sound nice though!
(I even had an experience as a grown up of being stared at in wonder because I didn't want some cake but would rather eat my nuts and raisins!)
scrummymummy, I can see your point of view. The eeurggers probably don't understand or realise that her food is normal food, just not heavily packaged or branded. She really is her own person too! She does like what we give her and will help to plan what goes in her sandwiches or what to have with it, now and again we will give her a packet of crisp or mini hob nobs or something but obviously not enough to detract from the nutritional stuff!
She came out of school looking a little happier today as well!

When I was at school I used to get teased a lot for liking healthy food. If someone said 'yuck' or similar, my Mum would tell me to reply 'oh don't you like olive bread (or whatever)? Yes it is quite an adult taste, many children aren't grown-up enough to like it' said in my most snooty voice!

I love that reply willsingforcake! I am going to tell my d.d that one!

Today my D.D used the yes it is quiet an adult taste you won't like it line and it worked, it made one of the eeurghers laugh and broke the tension a little and then when another girl said "but your not a grown up!" she said "No but i'm allowed to eat grown up things!" She had peanut butter and banana sandwiches! I can just imagine the other children going home and asking for the same as d.d because ''She is allowed to have it, why can't I ?" "She is allowed grown up food!"
So thanks again WillSingForCake, this line was a hit!