Lonely mum? Want friends outside of baby groups but don't know where to start.

[JessFoz]

I am a mum to a 16 month old and 29 week pregnant with my second. I've met some lovely people at baby groups but I long for a social life outside that. I need some real friendship. I feel desperately lonley and unble to cope. I did have a fine group of friends, but not long before my first baby was born people began to move around the country and abroad for various reasons. I have one friend left and she is leaving for Cambodia in October. I am self employed and work two days a week, but work alone, so that's not a social thing either. Other mums seem to have formed realtionships and meet outside of groups. Too scared to ask now for fear of bursting into tears and scaring everyone away. Advise would be welcomed.

Hi jessfox, we moved a couple of years ago to a town where we knew no one. I would definitely recommend using Mumsnet and definitely also Netmums to find mums local to you. Mumsnet is good if they have a local meet up (have you looked in meetups and mumsnet local to see if there is one near you?)

But also Netmums is great as it has "meet a mum" boards, where mums post ads about themselves if they want to meet other mums in the area. You can reply to ads from people you think you might get on with, or post your own ad. Exactly like dating in fact but with no expectation of romance! I've met a few mums like this, some I got on with, some I didn't click with, but a couple in particular I are good friends now.

FWIW I've never made a friend at a mother and baby group. I've met some lovely people, but never felt able to progress the friendship
more than just pleasantries at the group. It's not the easiest way to make friend's IMO.

Gah! iPhone! Why does it insist on sticking random apostrophes in all over the place?!!

aw I felt quite at your post hope that doesnt sound too patronising but you sound so fed up. Where do you live? I agree on the networking via sites like this as three said but also can you get some time out with your dh/dp? and your family? Is there anyone from school you are vaguely in touch with? You sound like a lovely person and hope youll find that good friend soon even if its someone whos been there all along you just didnt know it. Ps I ask where you live in a bit of a way. If you live in s wales Ill be your friend lol. and if you dont live in s. wales Ill be your mnet friend pm if you like I know how isolating motherhood can be

Where are you? I'll be your pal, tho I've loads of friends and you might find one in before you and another in at your back but so long as you don't find that offensive... I've always been confident and interested in other people so never had trouble meeting, making and keeping friends but realise by the tone of this message I sound like an arse...in my defense I'm a bit drunk. lol. Beggars can't be choosers you know! PM me if you're not disgusted by my late night ramblings.

at nmcanny shes my friend actually I saw her first op dont sly off now! bit drunk myself now as it goes

Hi OP - good suggestions from above but also is there anything you enjoy as a hobby that you could go and do in the evening or at the weekend to meet some new people out of the baby bubble? With a new one on the way its tricky but you never know. I have lots of acqaintances from M&B groups but only 2 became actual friends because we managed to break through that barrier of small talk - firstly by meeting OUTSIDE of the group for a coffee or park trip. When its just two of you and in a place where you are not constantly watching your kid for hitting another its much easier!

Hi OP where are you? Why don't you invite some of the mums you have got on with for a coffee and go from there? It's a bit of a leap of faith but can really pay off.

Most of my friends now are people I met at mums & tots! The first ones I was brave enough to arrange something with, I told them 1 week that I couldn't make the group for the next few weeks, so did they fancy meeting up some time at a play centre. They offered their numbers, and now there's a group of 4 of us who regularly meet up (in the evenings without babies as well as during the days).

The other main friends I've made we're through going to a netmums meet-up. They had a Facebook group, so after I'd been I added the people I'd spoke to as friends on FB, and got to know them better on there before suggesting meeting up.

I understand completely how you're feeling, none of my pre-baby friends have kids and just can't understand why I can't still go out partying every Saturday night!!

Thank you all so much for the advice. It took me a while to refind the thread and I was delighted to see people had responded. I live in Newcastle upon Tyne. I know loads of people to chat with at groups, I just need to make the leap of faith as suggested. I feel less lonely already thanks to you lot, including the drunkards. x x x
:)