I desperately do not want to be a shouty mum....

[bbface]

but i am.

It really only relates to food. When DS (22 months) plays up with food, I find myself getting so worked up and angry. In practically every other vein of life, I am so calm with him. But this lunchtime for instance, i saw red. Ended up really shouting and even threw a toy in frustration. My poor boy cried and then clung on to me for dear life when I put him down for his nap.

This is not the first time I have shouted and started banging around the kitchen like a mad woman. I hate hate hate it.

Pls tell it to me straight, I don't mind if people critisize. I deserve it.

Pls advise how best to get over this. I adore my boy, I don't want him upset like this

What exactly makes you angry?

Do you hate that your ds isn't enjoying your efforts? Not listening? That you're not in control of him feeding himself ? Is a small part of you hoping that this will make him better at mealtimes?

Is he old enough to leave with a plate and a spoon to feed himself? Is he fussy about what he eats?

Ooh, hello. This is me too. I hate being so cross and frustrated with my DD (27 months). Food is a battle, she doesn't eat enough, and has recently decided she needs to be fed, having been quite handy with fork and spoon before.
Will watch for more tips to improve myself.

Playful Parenting is quite a good book with strategies to avoid being to shouty. Although I should be forced to re-read it every 3 or 4 months I think as I all to quickly regress back in to shouty mode.

I can't tell you how to fix the problem because I got it ALL wrong! I was as you are now. DD was very fussy and it drove me round the twist. I eventually took her to a doctor because I just couldn't get her to eat (apart from the crap that I eventually gave in to just to get something inside her tummy!) He told me to adopt a take it or leave it approach. This is for lunch, dinner etc. I will serve it and take it away after a certain amount of time. There will be nothing else so if you don't eat it you will be hungry until the next mealtime or snacktime whatever. He said she would not starve but would learn very quickly that i meant business and would give up the fight.

I didn't follow through with his advice because I'm a big old softy and an eternal worrier and panicker so I sometimes fought with her upsetting us both and I sometimes gave her what she wanted which kept her happy and made me feel like a shit mum.

The result is a 12 year old who knows I'm not consistant and give up easily. She eats what she wants most of the time. I do try but she's learned how to play me, my shouty threats and lack of following through have taught her how to play me. That's my fault, not hers.

So it's not advice just a true story that might help you at mealtimes.

I think it is a really bad idea to start having battles over food. Really really bad. DD was a poor eater when I first started to wean her and didn't really eat any solids in any quantity until she was over 12 months. I got to the point where I would be crying every meal time because she just wouldn't eat anything and would turn her head away from the spoon every time. I took her to the GP about something unrelated and asked about this problem as an aside - GP recommended just letting her have what she would willingly eat, then introducing new foods very slowly. She would eat cereal and toast, so she had this every meal for a few weeks until my frustration/worry calmed down (because I knew she would eat something at each meal). Then I started offering new things.

It really helped me to do this, and I am very careful not to have any discussions with her about food (she was 2 last month). I don't encourage her to eat anything, I don't praise her for eating or criticise her for not eating - food is now pretty much a non-issue (took a long time to get here, but it was worth it).

I do get cross with her about other things though - especially nappy changing. I would like to potty train her but she just isn't interested, yet she throws a tantrum about 80% of the times I change her. It makes me so angry, sometimes I have to just leave the room and try again later.

My own DMum was a very shouty, controlling parent and I really desperately don't want to be like that: I remember being very afraid of her as a child and I never want DD to be afraid of me. So it sometimes helps me to remember that when I am seeing red. Since making a fixed decision not to shout at her any more, I've managed to cut my shouty moments down by a huge amount, which I'm pleased about, but it is something I have to consciously think about on a very regular basis and keep on top of.

I handled food issues in the same was as emsyj. Basically, I just had to let it go.

DD (2.3) is still picky and eats tiny amounts but she is perfectly healthy and her weight is fine - and in the last few months she has started to surprise me by eating new foods, or a huge amount of something!

My tactic for the last year has been putting food down, let her eat what she wants, waiting a while, then taking it away and giving fruit or yogurt for pudding. If I was really worried that she wasn't full before bedtime I would give her a bowl of cereal or porridge.

Interestingly my DM finds DD rejecting food much more upsetting than I do, because to her food = love - my little sister has always struggled with her weight and I think this is linked to my DM's attitude?

My personal "trigger point" is bedtimes - when there's a nice dinner and wine waiting for me downstairs but DD won't settle without me - only time I ever feel really angry with her!!

I do the cereal before bed thing too Countess! I haven't had to do it for ages, but I did it a lot in the early days and it was great for putting my mind at rest that DD had eaten enough. I normally give her Ready Brek (well, Aldi cheap-ass Ready Brek ) with whole milk and one of those little pots of pureed fruit stirred in.

I figured that as long as she was eating something relatively nutritious and filling, it didn't matter if she had the same thing 3 times a day. She will now eat pretty much anything - and I know if she doesn't eat it, it's not because she's fussy, she's just not hungry.