Terrible mealtimes

[goldmum]

I have DD7, DS4 and DS2 and mealtimes, particularly their evening meal, are awful.

DD is a fast eater so will finish first and then start winding up her brothers. She has horrendous table manners, have to constantly remind her to use cutlery.

DS who is 4 is a slow eater and finds it impossible to sit still. Takes him ages to finish so often end up giving him a fixed time to eat his meal in. He has better but not perfect table manners.

Youngest DS is 2 so don't expect too much other than some attempt at eating part of meal. He is the most proficient cutlery user of the three!

I try to keep them all at the table for their meal, waiting for others to finish. I sit with them and have a drink, but eat later. We eat together for all meals at the weekend.

I want them to be better behaved at mealtimes, DD to improve table manners and DS4 to sit and finish meal in a reasonable time. Hopefully DS2 will then have 2 good role models to copy and will be calmer!

How do I do this?

Does DD definitely know how to use a knife and fork? Does she have someone to copy? You mentioned you eat with her at weekends, but has she ever really been shown? If she does know, but is just plainly messing about, treat it like any other naughty behaviour. Reward her when she does it properly, but warn her she'll miss out on something (tv or a toy or whatever you usually do) if she doesn't.

As for the 4 year old, how long do you give him to eat? In France, it's normal to take an hour for mealtimes but in England we rush through as though plates are going out of fashion. Try getting rid of all non-meal related distractions. Obviously you can't get rid of his siblings, but if there's any tv noise or music, or the cat is messing about or your phone is going off, that's all things that are more interesting than eating. Some people just take a while to eat though. I'm a slow eater, even as an adult, even when I'm in a silent, empty room. Always have been!

DD, fast eater winds up other kids - discipline her, she loses something she wants (pocketmoney, TV time whatever) if she can't speak nicely to her family. She can speak to you, the others or keep silent, but being rude, teasing, faces (whatever) is not acceptable.

Cutlery usage, mine are the same and I swear it's laziness - they can do it, but don't - I'd hate to be a fly on the wall at school lunches!

The slow eater, I guess timing is solution if he's getting enough food. Maybe making sure he's hungry by limiting snacks is one approach. Or go completely the other way and feed him when he comes home something substantial (sandwich, fruit & milk). Then feed him a tiny meal portion to encourage him to finish with the others, ask for seconds if hungry.

Make sure you interact with them during the meal, their day, your day conversations - maybe some verbal games (20 questions or the like).

How are they when you're all eating together over the weekend?

Definitely think it is laziness with the cutlery. They manage it when we eat out! Have had a chat with DD saying she's got to try harder and said no tea at her friends houses til her cutlery use and general table behaviour improves.
DS could take 40 minutes to eat his meal, but he does snack a lot. I'm hoping to slowly cut back on snacks before he starts school full time in the autumn as he won't be able to graze as he tends to at the moment.
Their manners don't really change much when we eat all together. I am guilty of getting up from the table when they are eating during the week as their behaviour just winds me up