What to say to grandparents who disagree with parenting methods?

[jenrose29]

I have a 4.5 year old and a 3 week old DD. I co-slept with DD1 until she was 1, then she went straight into her own bed. She didn't sleep through til she stopped breastfeeding at 2.5 but was then a fantastic sleeper. I'm keen to do the same again with DD2 but my partners parents (he is DD1's step father) disagree with co-sleeping. We have stayed there once and his mum put up the travel cot and I didn't use it, but not sure how to politely tell her not to bother when I know she doesn't agree with co-sleeping and thinks it's dangerous? Partner is supportive of co-sleeping but won't tell his mum (!) but I'm not prepared to lie/pretend about our sleeping habits for at least the next year, it seems a bit daft! Also, I am breastfeeding DD and though I am discreete I don't agree with a blanket over her head. After seeing his parents last time, his mum posted me a 'feeding shawl' - again, I don't want to have to use it to keep the peace but don't want to fall out either. Any advice?

If they haven't said anything then you don't say anything.

Sounds like they're trying to give little hints rather than just come out and say it so ignore them and carry on with what you're doing.

If they do say something to your face about it just reply with "this is what works for us" and keep repeating until they get the message.

My mum used to make comments about me BF my ds1. After I ha told her the reasons for me wanting to BF, I just ignored or change the subject when she passed comment. She hasn't said anything since ds2 (BF at 21 months) so I think she learned.

His mum put up the cot and said 'you're not going to sleep with her in your bed are you' to my partner (note the lack of question mark!)

Just let them put the travel cot up then don't use it.n let them send you feeding tents or whatever, don't use them. This is the thing Bout dropping hints - you don't have to pick them up. Just do your own thing. Man. Peace.

They are a different generation and no doubt our kids will end up thinking about us like this too! I'd say nothing about the cot or the shawl. Don't lie or pretend, but don't have the conversation at all if you can avoid it.
The shawl says to me that she is supportive of bf, but again, maybe her generation would have felt the need to be more covered up. Perhaps just wear clothes that enable you to feed your baby but that are fairly discrete.

Seeing your later post - more than just a hint then!

What did your partner say in response?

Let them put up a travel cot-might be quite useful to put baby in more as a playpen as your dd gets bigger.

Ignore them. Or nod and smile, nod and smile.

If really pushed say "Interesting. I'll think about that" in a vague, non-committal way.

Think he just scarpered! Haha. It will be up to me to 'come clean.' Think they just think co-sleeping is dangerous and want their grandchild to be safe, which I understand, but obviously co-sleeping is completely safe if done properly (which we do) so will just have to explain that if his mum brings it up again.

Never explain and never justify. Smile and nod and say mildly 'it suits us' and change the subject. Do it each time, very pleasantly. The huge mistake that people make is to allow discussion.

Agree with what everyone else has already said. Let her ?subtle? hints whoosh right over your head and don?t feel you have to justify what you do or tip-toe around her. I?d probably go out of my way to put the cot back up and then cheerily say, ?I folded the cot away for you cos I know it?s quite heavy and a bit of a hassle. Where do you want it go?? but that?s because outdoing someone in the annoying stakes is how I get my kicks.