Missing DC1 time badly after the arrival of DC2.

[luckysocks]

DS is nearly 3 and the two of us have built our own little world over the last few years. I was a very jealous older sibling and I've worried quite a lot about the impact that having another child would have.

To be honest, he's coping with it all pretty well, while I'm a mess. I miss our time together terribly, I feel guilty that I keep having to turn my attention away from him and feel that I'm trying too hard when we do get a bit of time to play, instead of the easy connection we had before. I'm quite tearful about it and I hate that DS has seen me cry so many times now - I'm sure this is far more confusing for him than his new sister.

It's been 3 weeks now and I feel that it's time to start accepting that things will be different and just deal with it. I'm not sure how easy this will be in practice!

I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else has felt like this and how long it lasted or how you dealt with it.

TIA

Oh yes I remember this well. Ifekt awful when ds2 was born, ds1 was 3 and we'd been best buddies and wow I missed him so much.i constantly still feel guilty now and ds2 is now 16months but I make sure ds1 abd I have time together alone. We have day trips out together or just go for a sneaky McDs sometimes. It does get easier tho, it's so much easier now ds2 is older.

From all the previous responses it's seems these feelings are pretty normal, I guess we just don't tak about it enough!

Thanks, twobeds... That's kind of you :) and such a sweet thing for your son to come out with!

Oh I was so worried about that thejoyfulpuddlejumper my ds2 was due December 27th last year and I was dreading ruining not on that Christmas by being in hospital away from DS1 but each subsequent Christmas with it being a birthday. I was lucky that DS2 arrived at 4am on Christmas Eve so I was home by lunchtime and it had minimal impct pon Christmas dsy really as DS2 just slept! I do sympathise though but I am sure if it's all they know it won't ruin it for them. It will be a normal Christmas in your home which is all they will know and care about!

Just come back on to offload again. I don't really want to talk to anyone in RL about quite how I feel about this.

8 weeks in now and DS has gone a bit loopy. I seem to spend the entire day managing tantrums, and the last two times we have gone out (the three of us together) I've had to just give up and get us home because DS is in meltdown. Which starts DD off and ruins her nap, which means we lose the shape to the day and it all goes downhill from there.

I can't stop crying this afternoon, I feel like somebody has taken my beautiful little boy away and replaced him with two children I don't really know yet, who I am unequipped to deal with properly, and who are making incredible demands on me physically and emotionally. I miss the relationship we had so much I can hardly bear it.

I don't know how I expect anyone to respond, I just need to get it out :(

Awww luckysocks, you sound like me! I feel terribly guilty and especially now it's summer holidays here and I am entertaining DS1 (4 yrs) and DS2 (7months) all day. It's HARD going. I feel like I am failing them both.

DS2 will only nap in my arms and that's only after a good screaming fit which D1 has to endure but it means I am then sat with DS2 asleep on me while DS1 is pottering about. Thankfully he is old enough to understand I think and he's never complained but it's sad to think of what we'd be doing if DS2 wasn't here. Then of course I feel guilty for thinking that too!

It's normal that DS's behavious has deteriorated though. He's porbably just realised that baby DD is here to stay and the novelty has well and truly worn off! He's still very young so tantrums and acting up are completely normal in any case. You aren't doing anything wrong. You sound lovely but just very stressed out which is completely understandable. Perhaps lower your expectations for bit. I know it's easier said than done but I have to accept that at certain times one of them is going to want something from me that I can't give them at that minute. It will get better. x

Thanks, Oddbodd x