Finding it hard to parent as my mother has different views?

[Cheekychops84]

I may sound ungrateful but I feel my mother is trying to parent my children alongside me. I have 2 girls and my mother is very over protective of them which is noce but makes it hard for me to discipline them because if I tell them off or disagree with what they are doing she will correct me infront of them and say "oh don't tell her off for that that was unfair" I'm now finding that when she is here they now get away with things so to speak because she is here ? I think I am fair but obv sometimes I loose my rag but god she used to with me ! She would smack me and shout etc I never smack my children , I do shout but I don't smack .

My partner is very strict with them and when she finds out he has told them off she gets really angry and I'm like but they are our children we are trying to bring them up and we are living with them 24/7 . Now I've had another massive argument with her as i feel my 7 year old should remember to bring her school jumper home with her and I shouldn't have to keep on nagging her but mothers opinion is it is my job to bearing in mind I have a third on the way so it wod b nice to at least have children who can remember to bring home there stuff and be a little bit responosible?

Thing is my mum means well and she helps so much she is always there if we need her and I would e lost without her I his don't know what to do ?

You need to talk this through calmly with your mum. Maybe say that if she has any concerns she needs to raise them with you privately as in order for discipline to work children need clarity and consistency from the adults around them. Make it clear you'll listen to what she says but at the end of the day what you and your dp decide on is final as you are the parents.

If she continues to correct then have another talk and if it still continues maybe think about a way to correct her back? "Thank you for your opinion mum but I am clear that this behaviour is not acceptable from the girls"??

Not sure about my second bit of advice - someone else will be along soon to help. But you definitely need a chat with her.

Agree with Pineapple and I also agree with you that a 7 year old should rememeber to bring home a jumper.

What happens if she doesn't bring it home? Is she cold in the morning or does the jumper go missing?

I reckon I'd be sitting down with her and saying "we have a problem, and that is that your jumper keeps being left at school. I don't like nagging about it. How would you fix this problem?" and let her come up with some ideas. I'd probably be going with the natural consequences eg - if she gets cold then maybe she'll remember. If it goes missing then it has to be paid for out of pocket money.

As for your mum, I agree that a chat about how you are the parent and can she butt out!

I agree with the others here. You need to be firm with your mother and talk calmly about how her parenting is affecting yours.

It's understandable that as a grandparent she will want to be involved and want to spoil them, but she is the grandparent not the parent so needs to defer to you.

It's your turn to be a mother and especially with discipline, she can't be undermining you and DH.

Being assertive is not ungrateful. You are MUM, he is DAD and as much as she would love to do it all over again, she is NEITHER mum nor dad... Nothing wrong with being granny but she may be having a hard time understanding her role since you haven't been clear on the rules with her.

Your kids are not her second chance at motherhood experiment.

Is your mum around enough for it to affect your parenting that much? Or are you able to hear what she says but not do anything about it? Mu mum often says "oh no, she didn't mean to!" or some such when I tell my kids off in front of her, but I don't let it get to me, because ultimately they listen to me. This can mean I look like the meany because lovely Granny is saying lovely things and mean mummy is telling them off (again!), but that's just the way it is. My mum knows it's not what I want her to do, but we see her once or twice a week and I don't let it bother me.

yea we see her about the same altho I have tried to cut that down as it was every weekend and we were getting no time as a family then she makes me feel bad by saying I haven't seen them for 3 weeks (she lives 15 mins away) yes some stuff seems trivial like she will say oh it was just an accident but when I tried to stick up for myself with the Cardigan thing bearing in mind the kids were in the car ! I said they are my kids and 2 is different from 1 and 3 will b different from 2 ( she only had me) she got nasty and said throw enough s* and it will stick. I mean what ! It's like I told my dp to book a day off for sports day and she is like oh I will too then which she has dp hasn't yet but it's becoming a boy obsessive they are growing up so fast and it's nice for her to b around don't get me wrong but I feel she is around a bit too much maybe I'm jus being an ungrateful cow as my hormones are all over the place and I'm so tired!

She's hugely over stepping the mark!

Personally i wouldn't rely on her for help or ask her for it as it just sounds like it makes her think she entitled to act like the parent.

A simple . . . These are my children not yours! Should do it. You don't need to discuss individual points of parenting with her. I would also not stand for the undermining. I would tell her not to do it and if she continues ask her to leave.