End of my tether.......any advice?

[samandsophsmam]

Can any one give me any tips. I have 3 DD's age 5, 4 and 2. I feel like a first time mum as I feel I can't cope with my 2 year olds tantrums. She bites, kicks, pinches and claws at my face if she can't do something or wants something she can't have. I never experienced anything like this with the other two (they must have been angels) and the new thing is dragging round on my legs to get 'cuddles' which when you pick her up she doesn't want.
I never get to spend enough time with the other two as DD3 takes so much of the attention.
The rigid body thing getting in to car seats and in to her buggy is a big problem don't know how to deal with that one and also letting her walk is always so traumatic because if she is not on reins she will just run and when she is on reins she just 'dangles'!!
Bedtime takes over an hour and we have to lay next to her and whoever takes the turn usually falls asleep and then the evening is gone.
Any help would be a great help.

I have a 5,4, and 2 year old too (although all boys). My 2 year old just wants to do everything himself at the moment so I try and give him just a little bit of choice and control when I can and usually of 2 things I actually want. He is a nightmare to get in the car so I say 'shall I put you in the car or are you going to do it' - he says 'me, me' and climbs in! This did not work for DS1 and 2 but works a treat for DS3! In the pushchair I double strap him. He has reins on that attach to the pushchair and also the pushchair harness. He knows he can't get out so gives up the fight (eventually). Luckily he loves going on a scooter and is slow enough that I can manage him but this is only possible when I have the time (so rarely!). I am trying to be really positive with him because he does get cross quick but this seems to be a lack of control. Instead of being angry back I am really sad and shocked. This seems to take the thunder out of his behaviour and he is getting quite good at saying sorry. (poor DS1 though got a real clout with some wooden train track). He does the holding onto the leg thing as well. I go down to his level give him a cuddle and a kiss and try and distract him. Bedtime we are now lying on the floor at the bottom of the bed as we are slowly moving towards the door! I try and wake up DH (and vice versa) when we hear snoring. I really do think that the more children you have the more you realise how completely unique they are - don't forget though that this phase won't last forever!

Hi op, I would with regard to the biting kicking etc. At two firmly say NO with a hand up as if doing a stop sign, then walk away. When she is all over your legs I would firmly but without hurting remove her hands from your legs.

If you don't want her to do something often distraction is a great tool. If you see a flash point, say something like in the mos exciting voice "oh my a spider look over here."

With the rigid body thing give her a choice of two. Are you going to climb in the car yourself or do you want Mummy to put you in? Something like that can work wonders as you are given some choice.

When walking try and distract her with what you can see etc. Also would a hand reign help and not a full on one?

What is you bed time routine like?

Yes give choices but only two simple ones and make sure that they result in the outcome you want.

Praise her for doing things well - be specific. Eg "DD you drew a lovely car/DD you sat down very nicely etc).

What time is bedtime? DS gets out of control if he's not had enough sleep or food or exercise. Has she dropped a nap? Try and introduce quiet time - the tv if it must be - just to keep her still for a bit after lunch. Then take her to the park and get her running about.

Bedtime I try and make at 7pm..... lay next to her and then either me or DH end up falling asleep waiting for her to go to sleep so by this time it can be 8.30/9pm. Our evenings are getting less and less together. I work 2 x 12 hour shifts a week and he works 4 x 12 hour shifts a week so time together is precious. She does still have a daytime nap which I am guessing if she is taking hours to go to sleep then I should cut out...... it is so tempting not to tho just to get an hour repreive in the day time!
I have had a little calmer day today have been trying distraction and ignoring the bad behaviour (unless its dangerous to her) Each time she has done wrong and not listened I have put her in her bedroom to calm down which has worked-kind of.
Just finding dd3 hard work and the other two are suffering lack of attention because of it :(

I decided to stop DS3's nap because he was taking forever to go to sleep. If he does have a nap I put him to bed later (after 8pm) but this does cut into the evening. It might be worth cutting down her nap so you at least get 30mins but she goes to bed earlier. The problem is DS3 can be more difficult if he hasn't had a nap. I do think that a lot of problems with toddlers are related to sleep but it is impossible to get the right amount at the right time.

Try not to worry about your other DDs. I read once that you should not get hung up about splitting your time equally but aim to give your full attention to whoever needs it most at the moment and have faith that it will all even itself out in the end. I like getting DS3 to bed early so that we can have some time with DS1 and DS2 before they go to bed.

It can be hard with a 'terrible two' but it sounds like she is struggling with being 2 so take some time to guide her through it.