how do you deal with not nice voices?

[PooPooInMyToes]

One on my children frequently uses a squeally high pitched voice. Often when playing if its not going their way, if they feel frustrated, if they are not being listened to by their sibling, or if the dog moves away when they don't want them to etc. Its sudden, ear piercing, indignant, loud and really grates with whoever is in the house.
Its driving my husband barmy!

How would you deal with this? If it were direct whining at us we could ignore it so they don't get attention from it but its not. Its aimed at their sibling mostly.

I think its just a bad habit but would like to help them break it.

Id just say that not your voice,thats your moaning myrtle voice - and depending on age explain how it is an irritating voice.

Thanks for your reply. Yes do explain its irritating, other children won't like it as they get older etc. Feel mean doing that but its true. We point it out but its not making any difference and Im not sure what to do next.

I've thought of a sticker chart if a whole day goes by without it or sending her out of the room each time until she learns to talk with nice voice. But i don't want to get it wrong.

Hi, I haven't got any advice, but I hope you don't mind me making a comment.

I keep noticing your posts on here and all I can think is you're just like me! What I mean by this is that you keep worrying about all the little things and how to respond to them in the "correct" way, trying not to cause any emotional damage etc.

"I've thought of a sticker chart if a whole day goes by without it or sending her out of the room each time until she learns to talk with nice voice. But i don't want to get it wrong."

God, it's so hard, isn't it? I look around and just think everyone else just knows how to do it, parenting, whilst I seem to analyse everything and regularly feel as if i'm getting everything wrong, that my child is not as nice as everyone else's (terrible, I know) and that I'm a failure.

I also have two dc, eldest of which I find far more difficult to parent.

I may have got all this wrong, just your posts ring a bell and I had to say something.

Any noises I don't like get removed out of earshot. Garden usually. 'If you're going to use that ridiculous voice, do it outside where I can't hear you'.... etc. Problem solved.

Fatty. I do worry a lot yes. Its feels so important to get it right! Plus i didn't have a clue before i had children so have had to learn as i go along . . . slowly!

Cog. I do that too but its not getting any less frequent. She'll just stop and then do it again not long later.

Match her persistence with yours. It soon gets boring if, every time you do the silly voice, you end up sent away.

Hi, no idea if my way of dealing with this will help you, but this is what we've done recently. DS is 5, DD 3. DS is fairly calm, DD came out shouting for the world to hear her and has continued in this way. The minute something doesn't go her way she SHOUTS or SCREAMS, or CRIES and SCREAMS at the same time. I try, I really do try and tell her calmly that's not the way to speak and if she talks nicely we can sort the problem out. But sometimes (generally when I notice after that the window of the room I'm in is open and no doubt the neighbours are in the garden thinking I'm the worst mother in the world) I shout back at her to stop shouting at me. - Yes, there is no logic there.

So last week she did it again and I said "I do not like that voice and don't want to hear it again. You throw it out of the window now, or you won't come to the party on saturday". She did duly pretend to get her voice out of her mouth and throw it out of the window. then said "mummy I shut the window, it can't get back in." (yes, she will rule the world one day). she's been a bit better since, although did tell me one day that she didn't like my voice and I had to throw it out of the window myself.

You sound a lot calmer than me, so maybe you just need to point out that you and DH don't speak like that and you don't expect them to either. Another one I often use is to say when she speaks like that I can't hear her, so she needs to speak properly. From a young age I've said "happy voice please" when she's been loud and she's copied, so she does know it's not acceptable. But still it goes on at times. I feel your pain!

I say happy voice too!

I am calmer today but you should have seen the thread i started last week! I deal with things differently depending on how stressed i am etc like i am sure we all do.

I have done the notice the window is open thing as well

I will try your throw it out the window idea. I like the sound of that.

Thank you!

CogitoEroSometimes? Great advice! My 7 yr old DS uses a babyvoice sometimes which drives us mad! but PooPooInMyToes, my suggestion is to be quite firm and it's a punishment when she does it. That kind of noise in the family space is not allowed. I've done all the nice talk with noise and they don't care, but banning TV, sweets, etc seems to do the trick. Or timeout to let her know it's bad what she's doing.

OP - I'm not sure how old your dd is that you have this problem with - or whether siblings are older or younger. If older, they can be taught to do exactly the same - ie not pay any attention until a proper voice is used. If she's under 7 though, a whole day for a sticker is not going to work - you'll have to split it up into 'obvious' period - eg first part of morning, before lunch, after lunch, before supper, before bed - and then work out how many she needs to have had a 'sucessful' day and how many 'good' days she needs to get a reward at the end of the week. The reward could be linked to something that she normally gets anyway of course.