Help IM in a quandry! I'm not sure if Im spending too much or not enough time with my toddler DS's when at home. They are nearly 3 and 2 (they are exactly one year apart in age). I sound so indecisive, but when DS2 was born I suffered PNDepression for 6 months, and sometimes I think its left me with a niggling insecurity about my parenting, silly I know. Im always questioning myself...am I doing the right thing for them, am I good enough parent etc... prob like every mum!
Im going to tell you what we do in the week, so I can get HONEST opinions! DS1 will go to preschool 2 mornings, on the other morns I take them to a dance class, a paint session and a music class, so they're both busy every morning doing something with me. Two afternoons eldest has pre school sessions and then swimming on another afternoon,on the other two afternoons he does stuff with me, normally playdates with friends. These two playdate afternoons Eldest DS has me all to himself while my mum has the younger DS, hopefully so he feels like its special mummy time.
So with all that dashing around I find when we're in the house I feel I have done lots with them and Id like to be able to get on with other stuff without feeling guilty, and not have to constantly play with them at home? Is this acceptable or should I play with them ALL the time. I never sit on the sofa watching tv.(Although if im honest, id like to be able to grab half hour in front of box with a cuppa!)
Often I get frustrated, i think for goodness sake, they have eachother for amusement and they shouldnt need their mum all the time?! They are close and miss eachother when they're apart. But if I was to sit down to put feet up and have a cuppa on sofa (BTW never do this, sometimes I grab some time to look on internet!) but if Im not with them entertaining them and constantly stimulating them, then they will begin to squabble and the eldest DS especially does EVERYTHING he can do to get my attention, unfortunately its in a negative way, so he's looking for a reaction! Which then just makes me cross and frustrated. (ie being rough with younger DS, crashing into toys etc). This happens if Im on the phone, chatting to mum if shes over, grab a sit down for two minutes, etc...
BTW.The first year n half of eldest DS life he had two parents around most of the time, (DH took 1 1/2 years out, career change!) I believe as result he had got used to so much constant attention, because if one of us was busy there was always a 2nd parent to play with, and DH is a real playful dad! The younger DS does not crave attention at all in this way, he's very content.
Do you think toddlers should be played with all the time? My natural instinct is that they obviously need play and attention, which I chose to do this by way of activities out of the house, (because TBH I think I find playing at home very boring....i feel instantly bad saying that!, but I feel myself drifting off and it instantly reminds me of the PNDep days!) But I feel that they also need to learn how to play independantly and not to be so attention seeking. But I worry that these are unrealistic expectations of a toddler?
What do other Mums do and think about my quandry?! Please be honest! Thanks and sorry its so long, just trying to set the scene!