Those with lots of DCs, how do you cope??

[OhWhatNoooow]

Hi, I have 5 DCs from newborn to 10yo. I feel so overwhelmed with all that it entails, the house is a mess, they are misbehaving, I cant get anything done and I feel crap at entertaining them.
Its so hard on sundays, I dont know what to do to keep them occupied, especially since they are all different ages. What do you do on sundays? Sometimes I take them out somewhere, swimming, the park etc but theres always one that doesnt want to do it because its boring or whatever. What should I do?

Hello whatnow (love your name btw!)

I have four, two of which are still babies, then a 7 1/2 and an 11 year old.

Re house, is there anyway you can get some outside help? I have a cleaner, as I couldnt possibly find the time to do everything, also do your dcs help? My older ones have to keep their bedrooms tidy, set and clear the table, put away clean clothes, they help including the dishwasher too sometimes.

What about your dh/dp? Do they help?
Mine works long hours during the week, but he helps a lot at the weekend, sometimes it means separating the family as he'll take two older girls out on their bikes or cinema while I stay at home with the babies.

Other things we do are board games, or my girls like cooking/baking, play a lit in the garden if weather good. And I can nip in and out depending how busy I am with the babies.

I do leave the older ones to their own devices a lot though, and they normally find something to do after a good whinge .

We really don't do that much, as the 2 babies take up a lot of time/energy. Luckily the girls are also often invited round to friends. And we do playdates too, they udually disappear with their friend for a few hours
Hope some of this helps, I find it hard work with 4 but 5 under 10! Wow!

Cor, hats off to you for having five! I only have three and I find it pretty tough and my house is a total bomb site!

Firstly give yourself a break I bet you are doing brilliantly, it sounds like you are being too hard on yourself.

Do you have a partner around at weekends cos what I find helps is to do some separate stuff and some stuff together. This morning DP has taken my four year old swimming while I play trains and go on MN with the two year old while baby naps. Then this afternoon we'll do stuff all together like go to a park or the woods or library or something.

Maybe try not to be so worried about pleasing everyone and sometimes just focus on one or two at a time so they feel like they each get a bit of special attention.

Hopefully someone else will be along in a minute with some better advice! Good luck!

Ps: don't be too hard on yourself, kids can entertain themselves, it's great for their imagination. Obviously the younger ones will need more of your presence.

If one of them doesn't want to do the chosen activity maybe you can rotate who gets to choose? Just a thought.

Reteading your post it sounds like you're on your own? If so apologies for assuming you have a dp in my other post.

I have 4. We divide up a lot, DH has taken 2 out today, the 12yo has had 2 invites he declined (he wants to do computer stuff instead, but he tired himself out yesterday so I can forgive). I will take youngest out swimming.

Swimming is a good one we can all do together, cooking, playgrounds, walks to cafes, country parks, skating attached to soft play, playdough, duplo (yes, even the 12yo!), train tracks, drawing things, Hama beads, stuff they all like to do. Easier now that youngest is 4 & oldest 2 can stay alone at home for brief spells.

Thanks for the replies! My DH doesnt like to do stuff with us on sundays, he finds it too difficult to deal with when the kids misbehave. Yes, its very hard for me.

I feel that when I used to take them out all the time, now they became so ungrateful whatever I do. They always complain, hardly ever appreciate when I take them anywhere fun. I feel though that I always have to be entertaining them, educate them, stimulate them etc. They used to do loads of activities on sundays and afterschool but now I cut it right down because they werent commited to it or it was hard for me to take all the kids out just for 1 childs activity. Oh the guilt I feel! Ok, I've gone way off topic....

It seems I spend alot of the time trying to discipline them because they never listen to me, or help out and they fight with eachother. Is any of this normal?? I feel like the worse mother in the world, so incompetent, like everyone else has it together and I'm failing. Gosh, I really need a break...

My DH doesnt like to do stuff with us on sundays, he finds it too difficult

Well that sounds pants, tbh. DH hates us separating, wants us all to be one big family & all do stuff together, but not always realistic, I think he's resigned to that. I recognise the single parenting lark even when a OH is nominally physically there, too, mine isn't perfect, but he does pull his weight sometimes.

I actually don't think it is possible for one person to keep five children of different ages happy and stimulated. I struggle to keep two happy.

I know in some religious families with lots of children the ten year old would be in charge of a little one to make the mother's life easier. I'm not suggesting this, just pointing out that very few people could manage so many children on their own.

I think you either need to acknowledge this and lower expectations or do everything you can to bring in extra help - a mothers help if you could afford, help from friends to get your older dcs to their activities (because things sound fairly crap for them at the moment) and your dh needs to help out. Why does he get to opt out? If nothing else he should take older dcs out somewhere they would like. Your 10 yr old sounds desperate for attention, from reading your other thread.

I'd be getting your DH told that he is helping. It takes two of you to create a child, so he should be getting involved just like you! I have two children and I find it overwhelming sometimes, so I cannot even imagine what you must be going through on a day like today!

why don't you say to your DH, 'sorry, am away out, finding this too difficult, dealing with the five of them - on you go'.

I agree, my DH should be doing a whole lot more with the kids, but he does help out alot with them during the week.

tryingtoleave why do you think things are crap for my kids? Because they dont go to after school activities? I really try my best, but I am always doubting myself in everything to do with parenting. I am very hard on myself. I see everyone else as being great parents, doing loads of stuff with their DCs and having everything very organized, whereas I'm not.

After school hours are also difficult, I try to be on scedule but am finding it impossible. I hope to get someone to help in those hours.

Hi Ohwhat

I have 4, and D5 is due in Nov! Mine are a bit closer together than yours (oldest is 6) but I can sympathise! I find the hardest times are, as you said, when the older ones have planned activities, and have to drag all the others along as well. Am hoping this will get easier as they all get older?!

I also find the after school hours hard, but as long as we stick to a tight schedule we are usually ok - ie. tea for bang on 5pm, then bath time, bed time for youngest 2 by 7pm, ect. DH doesn't get in from work until 6:30pm at the earliest so I'm also on my own for most of this time!

Weekends - DH has no choice but to help out. There is no way I could manage everyone doing stuff without 2 of us chipping in. We often split up, so the older 2 go out and do some stuff, especially while the younger 2 are having naps ect. We do try and do something all together at least once during the weekend (eg. go to the park ect) even if it's just for an hour. I sometimes get one telling me that they don't want to do x, y or z, but I usually just ignore this! In a family of 6 (soon to be 7!) they don't get a choice all the time....and I think it is good for them anyway to appreciate that they have to sometimes do things that other people would like to do, and not only think of themselves. Also second having friends in to play...it is often easier for people to come to us, as I have so many to organise, especially if it's during the week when DH isn't around.

I really think you need to get your DH more involved. Could you not have an agree time which is not kids time? Realistically though they are his kids as well. Although my DH moans some of the time about stuff, but I pretty much never get time to myself, but when we decided to have kids, we made that decision? They are not little for ever....

On the behavior side of things I have a chart for my oldest 2 - bad behaviour gets a cross, and for every cross at the end of the day they have to go to bed 10 mins early....works a treat with mine! The threat of a cross is usually enough to stop them doing whatever it is...

I think you just have to also remember that there are always positives to any negatives....although it's very busy with 4 or 5 kids, and they might not always get to do lots of activities, at least the kids always have someone to play with! I have friends with only 1 DC who moan as their kids are always lonely - mine can never complain about that

I said that things sounded crap partly because of your other thread (apologies if I mixed it up) where you said your 10 y o was picking on the other dcs, which sounded like everyone was unhappy, partly because of the after school activities (I am the oldest of three and was stopped from doing lots of things because it was too hard for my mother and I am a bit resentful), and partly because your op made it sound like everyone was unhappy with a mother busy with a nb and a father who wasn't interested. I see you say that he does help in the week, but it didn't sound like it.

Hello, I 5 dc also, 9,6,17 months and twins 6 months!!

I find it's all about routine, if I slack it will all come crumbling down!!

While to two elder children are at school it's my time with the 3 little ones, and I have 1 on 1 when twins are asleep etc!!

The little one all go to bed at 5:30 so that is my time with the older 2 till 8 when they go to bed!!

I fit cleaning in when they all nap an evenings do bottles etc!!

Weekends it depends on the weather? Could u do like a play date with friends? We usualy (if weather nice) always go for a walk, down the beach or park!!! And Sunday is usually a day of rest, if it's nice we will potter in garden or again park next to house!! Of its horrible we get all the paper pens up and let older ones play and we do DVD afternoons.

It really doesn't need to be about money, it also helps that the older ones play out, we have a lovely area where all kids play together, do you have anything like that?

I know how hard it is though 5 kids aren't easy but be kind to your self don't give your self a hard time .. So what if they get bored? All kids do this is where imagination kicks in :)