NB and two year old?

[Cbell]

I recently asked what it was like to have two children and all you lovely Mumsnetters gave me lots of positive information. One of the recurrent themes was how difficult it was initially balancing the needs of a NB with an increasingly demanding toddler.

Wondered if anyone as living through this now and how they were finding it. Lots of the comments I received were along the lines of 'it's lovely now - two years down the line'. So what's it like at the time?

My action plan was

• wear sling a lot out and about, meaning you don't need to wait for baby to wake from naps before going out. The only thing I found difficult with this was when DS1 needed a nappy change, pretty difficult to do with a baby round your middle!
• Get out every morning and every afternoon, for everyone's sanity, library, shopping, park doesn't have to be expensive. I planned every morning so we had some kind of group to go to, so DS1 could play within a safe, confined area while I could BF or perhaps even have a lukewarm cup of tea, if I was lucky.
• Compromise on your bedtime routine, toddlers don't have to have a bath religiously every night.
• Compromise on your home-cooked interesting meals if necessary. DS1 and I had quite a few from-freezer-to-oven meals like pie, chips and pizza when DS2 was in his scream-when-you-put-me-down mood (which was quite frequently). Go back to more nutritious meals when its not accompanied by constant screaming!
• Keep trying to get adult company at least once a day, my 2 yr old DS1 was not enough of a conversationalist so it's hard to be with 2 people who depend on you but you can't really share decisions and opinions with!
• I tried to get DS1 into preschool when I could (he went at 2.5 for 2 mornings which really helped give me a break)

DS1 has just turned 2 and DS2 is 3 months. The first 10 weeks were hard, ds2 wouldn't be put down ever ans fed constantly. I'm fortunate in that ds1 is very laid back, he didn't get jealous of the baby at all and coped very easily with the change so he was happy to just destroy the house amuse himself most of the day but I did feel really guilty that he wasn't getting much attention from me.
A few weeks after DS2 was born I discovered he slept very well in the pushchair so I just started going to the park daily, I could play with DS1 while DS2 slept and it got us out the house.
This is what I found helpful...

1. Cosleeeping for the first 10 weeks, DS2 would not be put down and fed 1-2 hourly overnight, I fed him lying down which meant I didnt have to get up. At 10 weeks he went in his cot without any problems, he suddenly just decided being put down wasn't that bad.
2. Cbeebies
3. tandem pushchair, mine is the cheapest one I could find (safety 1st one) and its great
4. Going to baby and toddler groups
5. not worrying about housework, just getting the essential bits done

Its taken me quite a while to adjust to it and actually enjoy it, the early weeks were hard and I just wished them away. Now DS2 is 3 months its so much easier, I've got used to it and found out what works for us and he's much more contented and no longer screams constantly.

My DSs are now 2.8y and 12m, and I think 'thank god I'm not where I was a year ago' - BUT actually at the time it was OK, I remember thinking 'this isn't that bad actually' - there were moments of extreme stress, usually lasting 10 mins or so but solved once everyone managed to be fed/got to sleep, and that is probably what I remember when I look back.

Mostly it depends on the personalities of the children and you. I was lucky that DS2 was an easy NB and a good napper and DS1 is a relatively easy going toddler (very thankful it was that way round, as DS1 was a nightmare NB).

I found it trickiest around 6m to 9m I think (DS2 wasn't easy to wean, his 2 or 3 hour naps stopped, and the separation anxiety kicked in and we had the builders in and it was winter etc etc). Now they eat the same things at the same time and can enjoy similar things it is definately a lot easier.

Good luck!

Hi, my DS is 22 months, and DD 3 months... It's fab! I absolutely love being off with the two and it is much easier than I thought it would be

My DS was a real cranky newborn, and was a really bad sleeper. I felt like a zombie for months and months after he was born, but just got on with it coz I thought all babies were like that!

DD on the other hand is the polar opposite of DS, and sleeps really well, and is generally happy and content all the time, which makes it so much easier to care for them both.

DS LOVES his sister and is full of kisses and cuddles for her, and this is really lovely to see the bond growing between them.

I do however have to watch him like a hawk coz he doesn't know his own weight when he's pressing kisses on her head! He has also tried to pull her out of her bouncer, get her undressed, yanked her hair and a whole aray of other things to annoy her...

Most of the time it is fine managing them both, no harder than one on their own. It does decend into chaos at least once a day..

How you cope very much depends on how you cope with stress, your perspective, and what your babies are like. When it's hard I always think to myself 'well some people have four children and cope, so it can't be that hard!'

DD1 2.8
DD2 10 weeks

Bloody loving it DD2 just gazes and smiles at her sister all the time, DD1 gets a bit moody sometimes when i can't play all the time but mostly it's great, helps that DD2 is a good sleeper

Dd is 2 and ds is 5 weeks.

Lovely at the moment whilst we all have lots of cuddle time on the sofa whilst ds feeds.

Im just going to enjoy it and repeat the mantra they will occupyeach other soon...