HELP!!! - MASH (not the food!)

[Jux]

We have just received a letter from the Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub saying they have received an enquiry about dd.

Does anyone know anything about MASH as we had not heard of them. We are obviously quite concerned as we have no idea what this is about. We don't want to try phoning until dd is at school on Monday (and there probably wouldn't be anyone there at the w/e anyway) as we don't want her to know about it. It is upsetting enough for us, without worrying her too.

Can anyone help? Any ideas?

I think if anyone was seriously worried about your DD's immediate safety they wouldn't communicate by letter. This link takes you to a MASH leaflet which might tell you more about them. They seem to cover a lot of different aspects.

Thanks. We did look them up. But what we don't understand is what could have triggered their 'investigation'. They say they are satisfied that no action is necessary. How could someone make an investigation without even contacting us?

There have been problems. All agencies who could be involved were involved, including the school, the gp, CAMHS, physio, NHS people. Nobody seemed to think we needed SS involvement, so afaik they aren't. Most of this was some years ago anyway.

No one from any of those organizations we have been involved with has said anything like they wanted to refer it on, let alone to MASH.

There is no information in the letter, just that they "received an enquiry" about dd.

All we can think of is that someone disapproves of us; that we let dd - who is 12 - go down the High Street on her own on a Saturday, or that she has decided she is a pagan, or that dh is a musician and is out in the evenings playing in pubs and does the occasional lunchtime gig down the road at a place owned and run by a relative of ours and that once in a while dd goes too.

Could be anything at all. A member of the public, school, GP, CAMHS. As I read it, this agency seems to cover so many different aspects of child protection that an inquiry could originate from almost anywhere. See if you can get something more specific. If it's worth a letter, they can't just leave it hanging in the air

It could be to do with Paganism. My best friend is a Pagan and had a very gentle, lovely lifestyle of celebrating seasons and equinoxes, praising the Earth and so on, but there is a LOT of misunderstanding about Pagan practises. She may have mentioned it to someone who might have thought it worthy of investigation.

DH has left a message on their answer phone, but we'll ring again on Monday.

The Pagan thing could be it, BikeRunSki. She sings in our local church choir, which is of course Christian. She keeps her own beliefs quiet down there as she knows some people may find it objectionable. She did tell a friend in the choir, who is from a fairly devout family, so it's possible that her friend's mum has some concern about it. She's one of the few people who is more likely to talk to me first though.

I want MASH to tell me the nature of the enquiry though. It may be a valid concern. It may be something which is already in hand or it may be something we have little idea of or something we could improve our behaviour on. I just want to know!

I don't suppose they'll tell me though, will they?

We're just going to have to be patient until tomorrow.

Of course they should tell you what it's about. She's your child. There should not be secret files with information in them about your child that is unavailable to you, the parent. You can see her medical records, her school records... she is 100% your responsibility. Demand full disclosure all the way.

Thank you. I'll insist if they're difficult, but from what you say, Cogito, perhaps they won't be. It's thrown me a bit, so I'm not thinking terribly well right now, as I did know that! It's a bit scary, and I do fell like she or we are being judged by someone, and quite possibly someone we know quite well.

I showed the letter to a friend yesterday. She said she thought it most likely someone just being malicious, but couldn't say why any more than anyone else could.

I'm not sure if I want to know who it was though, if it were just an individual. DH does.

If it's a private individual, they may not reveal the precise source but I think you should be able to know the exact nature of what prompted their letter. In detail. These people are there to look out for children.. not play god almighty.

Yep, and if we know the exact nature of the query and the date, we most likely will be able to work out who it was. Unless it's a random stranger!

I feel a bit more relaxed about it now. Thank you.

They've referred us to CAMHS. Had big row with dh.

hi jux - saw the signpost but im not going to be any help to you at all, i so sorry, - ive never heard of this group, (MASH) let alone dealt with them, or a child who has been subject to an intervention from them.

i think i would just phone them.

CAMHS i have heard of, but only because of DS.....we didnt get a referral but i think they would have helped with him having AS etc ( would have welcomed a referral but i didnt know they existed unitl DS was too old)....i know their remit is quite wide, from self harming, to depression, to specific conditions such as AS, have they actually given you any information about why they feel she has been referred, or by whom?

how does your DD feel about it? is it all a mystery as to why she has been referred?

Thank you Vicar. I wasn't sure that you might not have come across them professionally.

DD was referred to CAMHS a few years ago in the aftermath of mum's death, followed closely by my little bro's. There were quite a few others before them, too and some pets after. DD was 10 and seriously upset and just got worse. She had some counselling, but wound up suicidal and was referred to CAMHS; this about 2 years ago. She's been up and down ever since.

CAMHS didn't work out for us, but we didn't give them even half a chance (that's the reason for the row with dh).

This query received by MASH was from an anonymous individual. DD has been talking to people (probably down at the Church) about how bad she has been feeling, suicidal thoughts and also some bullying at school.

We have been aware of these things, so I'm relieved it's something we know about. DD will feel 'betrayed' that someone has made a report about her and will therefore stop talking to anyone down at the Church and feel completely lost as a result. Under these circumstances, I think it would be better not to tell her.

Cogito, thank you for your help.

In fact, I needn't have worried about them at all. The woman I spoke to was perfectly ready to tell me as much as she could, and we talked for some time. She was very kind. I got quite upset.

i havent come across them professionally im afraid, but try to stay positive - if she is feeling vulnerable for what ever reason, and cant burden you, then it may be a blessing that she is able to address it.

DS tells me nothing until he has a major meltdown. I sometimes think that someone who could be impartial (i get it in the neck all the time) could be a good thing....? might not feel like it, i realise that

join me in a
i realise that on the helpful advice scale thats pants btw....x

It's not pants at all, and thanks, I could do with some ! Cheers!

I am glad someone is bothered enough to do something. DD wouldn't see it like that, and dh certainly doesn't, but hey. She won't know and he just has to swallow it.

Dd does talk to me, thank goodness; I hadn't realized that she seems happy to talk about it quite so widely, but - gulp - at least she talks about it.

im sure its not a bad sign at all, she is just obviously very open, i think i can relate to that.

i hope it works out. i wouldnt be a teenager again for all the tea in china!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!

That's the sound of my desperate retreat at the idea of being a teenager again!