Grandparents really don't want to look after children tomorrow

[peppajay]

Me and my DH are having a massage and spa day tomorrow that a friend gave us, we are so looking forward to it as we havent spent more than an hour together at the weekend without our 2 children. My parents are looking after the kids but very reluctantly, wish I hadn't asked now and said no to the spa day as they are so not interested in looking after them at all. They find them a chore and a bore (altho my kids do enjoy their company immensely!!!), but my biggest bugbear is just for 6 hrs they will not change their plans to suit a 5 and 4 yr old. They need to go shopping tomorrow and wouldnt do it today or sunday because they do it on a saturday so they will take them with them, fair enough something to do and they will probably enjoy it, then they are going to take them to the posh organic deli cafe for lunch where they don't cater for children and have no biscuits/cakes for children and the drinks are elerflower presse or cherry juice which my kids will not eat or drink!! The deli is lovely and is for people to go for a lovely quiet meal or snack, not somewhere for a 5 and 4 yr old to have a shortbread biscuit and a carton of orange juice, but just for a day they will not take them to mcdonalds or m and s because they are snobs!!! I know they are just going to run riot as they will be bored they are very active kids and take them to a park, or a field with a football and they would love it but they will not do this as that involves them putting their grandchildren first. They say if they are looking after them, my kids have to fit in with them!!!

Really tempted to cancel tomorrow now as all is going to go so so wrong this is why I have never had any time off from my kids before because my parents don't really want to help out!!

In their defence I will say they gave me and my bro the best childhood ever, I have nothing but happy memories and they gave up everything for us and were always busy doing stuff with us, I think that is why now they are like they are because they are so busy having their own life as they put it on hold when they were bringing us up!

So do I stick with the spa day and let my kids cause havoc or cancel it and let my parents doing their shopping and lunch in peace!!!

Cripes, if I'd parents that were able and (semi)willing to take my children off my hands for the day - at ANY time in the past 13 years - I'd be counting myself jolly well lucky and would be off in a cloud of dust. Within the bounds of safety I wouldn't give a crap where they were going. After all, it's your parents who'll have to deal with the fallout that will result from their assumption that your children know how to behave properly outside of a burger bar. Why not pay someone next time? Then you can dictate as much as you want.

Thanks for all your comments like I have said they are not bad parents the total opposite in fact but just seem to have a total lack of interest and enthusiam in their grandchildren!!

YY if they're bored and play up it is down to your parents to deal with it.

I can understand your reservations about going and also feeling a bit let down that your parents aren't jumping at the chance to spend some time with their GCs.

Next time if you haven't got friends you can dump them with then you need to book someone through sitters or the like.

I'd still swap you. Of my dc's 4 grandparents, one is dead, one is 83, one refuses to see them more than once a year and the other is in the States.

Go to the spa day. Let your parents do what they want to do with them. Kids are generally better behaved anyway without their parents and the deli will be a treat for them.

Enjoy!

Forgive me if I'm misreading this OP - hard to tell from words on a page - but perhaps they'd seem more interested in their grandchildren if they didn't feel under pressure to do things in a particular way? It sounds to me like you have quite fixed ideas about what is an appropriate way for them to spend the day with your DC and what isn't. Actually, the plans that you've described sound fine to me - not wildly exciting, I admit, but not unsuitable either.

Jeez you are being precious - my DD goes shopping to Waitrose with grandma and grandpa - yep she actually enjoys it, and has been known to ask to go if she's told she going round to them. Probably because she gets a punnet of raspberries and a gingerbread man! Give your parents some credit if you had a happy childhood - maybe they'll do something like that.

Equally she will go in busy posh cafes quite happily with them (or us) - think National Trust cafes / posh old ladies favourite haunts at peak times. Novelty always works well for most kids. Also sometimes kids eat things and do things that their parents claim they never ever do when they are with someone else. Good and bad!

As long as they will be safe, don't worry about it, your parents will be able to deal with it, and the worst that might happen is that you will have had a lovely day with your DH, and your parents say never again!

They raised you, they will cope fine with your kids. Your kids know that the grandparents do things their way. They will work it out.

Enjoy your spa day and stop trying to control everything.

Jinsei- My parents moan about how hard work they are, unfortunately they are both very active, don't stop talking and love life that they are on the go from morning until night and because they only see my parents 3 or 4 times a year when they do see them my parents do not get any peace as they are so excited to see them they are even more hyper active!!! And because they are on such a high being with their grandparents their bundles of energy are going to be even harder to deal with in the supermarket and the deli than if they were at home, so me saying maybe they should have them at home was me trying to make their (my parents) life a little easier!!!

Oh and maybe, just maybe, your parents feel too old to be kicking a football round the park. Its a two way street. there are things my parents can't do and I insist on - eg things involving allergies / things that are downright unsafe. However I wouldn't ask them to do something they feel uncomfortable doing - and it does kids good to adapt to other people.

If you told me they were to sit in the corner of their house, be seen and not heard, while they watched the tennis all day, then I'd agree with you. I would tell your kids you and daddy are having a special day, and they can behave nicely for grandma and grandma.

Now for goodness sake go and enjoy yourself - as it sounds like you need a day for you!

Oops - meant to say "things my parents can't do and I wouldn't dream of asking, but there are things I insist on that they disagree with"

How sad not to be exposed to good quality food while out and about and instead only eat crappie MD's.

I think the shopping is a rubbish choice of activity - if they only see them occasionally then it would be better to go to a park or museum or soft play. I'm sure they will have fun anyway. Let your parents find the best way forward themselves.

I used to have a very dear great aunt who had never had children and I used to stay with her. We didn't do child friendly activities really but I just loved the novelty of doing her routine things. It could turn out really well for your two-actually doing their usual stuff but not the way you would could be worse.

Also-at least they're being honest with you about how they feel and what they're going to do. My dh's fantastic parents would say yes to all my requests wink to each other and go off and do their own thing. And quite right too. It's an unspoken deal between us now, although they only have ours without us very rarely-they are getting on and it takes it out of them.

Even if your kids play up in the posh cafe, as long as you're not the one having to deal with it, don't concern yourself!
You asked, they said yes, they told you what they were going to do, the end.

Please, don't let this ruin your day with DH, it sounds like you need this break!

Agree leave grandparents to it. Stop micro managing

GO

OP- any report back, did you enjoy your day and did your kids return in one picee? how about your parents?

Bump.

Did you have a nice day?

Shouldn't it be the friend that gave you the spa present that should be babysitting anyway. I wouldn't give a parent an away day present without also offering the babysitting!? Or is that just me being weird?