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Bilingual baby, advice needed please

33 replies

CakeBump · 15/06/2012 13:08

Hi there

I am English, DP German, living in Germany.

I'm expecting DC1 at the moment and one of the questions that has come up has been how to manage the bilingualism.

DP is fluent English, my German is good, but not fluent. I will definitely be communicating with the baby in English, as I wouldn't feel comfortable in German.

DP seems to have more of a choice, he is fluent and equally comfortable in both languages. My view is that each parent should speak their own language to the baby, so me English and DP German. DP is however worried that with just me speaking English, the baby won't have enough exposure, so he wants to speak English to it too.

However, I am worried that if we only speak English at home the baby won't pick up German until it goes to kindergarten, and none of our German family or friends speak English so it won't be able to communicate with them at first.

Should DP speak English or German to the baby?

Can he start off by speaking German and then flip to English once the baby is in kindergarten? I am worried (like DP) that once the child starts school, English will be very much the minority language... so maybe at that point we could make it the lead language at home?

Argh, what to do?

Many thanks if you've got this far....

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Ploom · 19/06/2012 09:30

10, 7 & 5.

Bonsoir · 19/06/2012 09:31

And do they speak English to one another?

Ploom · 19/06/2012 09:35

The youngest 2 dont when they're together. When the 3 are together its more likely to be German but it can be either. But i'm militant about speaking English to them & it seems to be working. We went to the UK last year on holiday and they all chatted freely in English and here people wouldnt know they were bilingual unless they're told.

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Bonsoir · 19/06/2012 09:38

Something I've noticed among the very many plurilingual DCs I know is that there is a "danger zone" when the community language can take over from the mother tongue (when the mother's language is the minority language) when DCs learn to read and write in the community language. Not that there are any hard and fast rules because what you really need to do is ensure a reasonably balanced exposure (both quantity and quality) for all a DC's languages, and the recipe depends a lot on circumstance.

cory · 19/06/2012 10:51

I think input from other minority speakers probably is needed in most cases, but that it doesn't necessarily have to be on a daily basis.

For us, regular holidays in Sweden have done the trick, that and contact with their Swedish peers which can then be kept up via emails and FB (dc are 12 and 15).

Ellle · 19/06/2012 12:40

Hi CakeBump, my husband and I were in a similar situation to yours when we were expecting DC1.

I speak the minority language (Spanish), my husband is English but also speaks Spanish fluent. We live in the UK so the community language is English.

My DH had the choice then to either speak English (his mother tongue) or Spanish (his second language). We chose the minority language at home and made Spanish the family language.

The reason we did it was because like your DP, we were worried that by using OPOL our son wouldn't have enough exposure of the minority language. Also based on my experience, most of the OPOL families I knew and even one case were they also used minority language (Spanish) at home, the children were not fluent in the minority language, and refused to use it. That's just my experience, of course, there are exceptions, as I also know one family where they use OPOL and the community language is a third language, and their child is trilingual and speaks the three languages at a very good standard.

Now, commenting on your worries, the impact of going to kindergarden and not knowing any German will depend on how old your child will be when this happens and his personality. My son went to nursery since he was 8 months old, so I didn't worry. No one expects an 8 month old to talk back to you, or to understand everything you say, actually they learn a language at this age by immersion, so you just talk to them, no matter the language.

But if your child is going to start kindergarden later at 3-5 years old? the situation will be different, but then it will largely depend on the child's personality. Some children learn the new language right away, picking it up very quickly and easily. Others might struggle a bit more, and be quiet for a while and only start talking when they feel confident enough on the second language.
In that case you just need to keep an eye on the situation and support as necessary. If the child is struggling with the second language, then you increase the support for that one at home.
When my son was 2 years old, he was a chatter box in Spanish, and also knew a few words in English. But I soon realised he wasn't saying anything at nursery as they didn't even know he could say the words in English he had been repeating at home. We then helped him a bit to acquire more vocabulary in English by getting DH to read him bedtime stories. I read bilingual books to him and told him we called this "X" in Spanish, at the nursery they call it "X". In two months he catched up with his peers, and then the teachers told me he was a chatter box in English and would not stop talking.

A comment about the child picking up mistakes from the parent that speaks the second language at home, I agree with Cory. Children are very smart and quickly realise which parent speaks at native level either language. My husband's Spanish is really good, but occasionally he might make a little mistake and my son (who is only 3) corrects him already!

And on accents, my son has my accent (I am told, by other southamerican or spanish friends). So there was no interference by DH speaking his second language. Now, DS's English is being influenced at the moment by his Spanish on the accent, and occasionally by the way he constructs a sentence we can tell he was thinking in Spanish when he said it. We expect this to correct itself when he enters school and English takes over.

CakeBump · 19/06/2012 15:35

Wow, thanks everyone for so many useful replies!

Sorry it has taken me a while to reply, I have had guests for the weekend...

I really appreciate everyone's stories and they have given me a lot to think about. I think I'm happy to play it by ear a little bit - I'll definitely be speaking English, and our household language will be English. I think DP will speak a bit of a mix to be honest - he will be able to introduce German at first and provide more backup at home in either language.

I definitely plan to buy English books and DVD's too, although in our situation English nannies or nursery probably won't be feasible. Its as much because I want to pass on what I enjoyed as a child as well as using them as a language aid! :)

Thanks again.

OP posts:
Choccybick · 10/07/2012 22:24

Hi There CakeBump
I was just about to start a similar thread (First DS due in 6 days time) and thought Id do a quick search.
Im English, DH is German and we are gonna do the Bilingual thing with me speaking only English and DH German. It might be a bit tricky along the way but I guess we have plenty time to sort it out properly. Although Ive lived in Germany 16 years and am fluent I would love my child to be able to speak English. DH and I speak a mish-mash of both languages, depending on our moods, so i think this might be the most difficult part of it all having strict rules.
I have ordered following books to read up on the subject after googling this evening:

7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child"
Parker, Steven;

Growing Up with Two Languages: A Practical Guide"
Cunningham-Andersson, Una;

The Bilingual Edge: Why, When, and How to Teach Your Child a Second Language"
King, Kendall;

Would love to hear how you progress!!

Best of luck!

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