Would i be mad to consider a third??

[wfhmumoftwo]

Looking for some thoughts please.
I am a 38 year old mum to 2 beautiful children DS aged 5 and half and DD aged 4. I am very lucky in that they love each other lots and generally get on very well (although do have theire moments)
I work full time in a middle management level professional job which can be quite stressful, although am fortunate in that my company is pretty flexible so i can work at home also.
I do find life as a working mum quite hard in the sense of the usual juggling act and balancing act trying to do both and be all things to all people, (mum, wife, employee, me) but lately i just can't seem to shake the idea that i want a 3rd baby.I've not really spoken to DH about this yet - i think he is happy with 2 but would have a 3rd if i really wanted to. We don;t have money worries and have a lovely home so we could afford to

I guess what i am not sure about is my reasons for this. I know i am blessed with my children and think maybe a 3rd would upset their relationship or add more complications into the dynamics. The elder 2 are close in age whereas there wiuld be a 5 year + gap to another.

I'm not happy at work, nothing major just fed up with choice of career, bored, and feel a little trapped etc and maybe that is what is making me think about having a third?

Or maybe its because i'm 38 now and can fast see the time approaching when i will no longer be able to have children so feel i had best to it now??

Part of me thinks i am daft to even consider it as we are well past the sleepless nights and 'baby stages' so why would we want to go back to that, but i just can't shake the feeling off.

Is it normal to feel like this when we are approaching 40s....?

I'm 41 and we always thought we'd like three so are trying at the moment. I don't think you need worry about the sibling dynamic as by the time you're pregnant and giving birth your older two will be probably 6.5 and 5. They'll be at school, doing older-children stuff, and the baby will be just a baby. It'd be more like having an only child, I'd guess (I'm sure someone will be along in a minute who has a similar age gap) though they'll like helping out with the baby, I'm sure! As the children get older you might find that you were left to entertain the smallest while the older two go off and do their thing. You might need another two .

I had a 3rd last year, it was unplanned and if I still had 2 DC's I think I would still want another. I was trying to convince myself 2 was perfect but I'm one of 3 and can only speak positively of having more than 1 sibling.
3 is hard work, mainly because mine are all so young though. Practical things are the hardest like cars/travel and holidays. It is very very very hard, relentless, endless but I do really love it.

My oldest is very laid back and easy going, my next is very active and needs a lot of interaction/stimulation, baby is very demanding and active too so things have got a lot more manic and noisy since he arrived! I am slowly starting to feel that my family is complete, I didn't really feel that before.

I know someone who had 2 close together then a very big gap (over 10yrs) so was debating having another to have 2 and 2 similar ages.

You may also want to consider that your next pregnancy may be a twin pregnancy, it is not impossible! I remember a midwife saying to me that if I ever went on to have a 'third' I may get more than I bargain for!

Lucky you for considering it, I did too when my youngest was months old, but had a sudden change of heart (no way am I doing the sleepless nights stuff again!).

Good luck with your decision what ever it turns out to be :)

My second is only 9 weeks old, but I'm so broody for number 3. I always thought 2 would be the magic number, but I eager for a third. As DS is so little we're going to wait until Christmas and if we still feel that we want a third we'll try for another baby. Do you feel like trying for a baby now or can you sort of sit on it for a while and then see whether you still feel the same in a few months time?
For what its worth, I have spoken to mothers with 2 children (including my own mum) who are happy with 2 but would have loved a third.

I think most people wonder what the 'next one' would have been like, that's normal to feel that way. But when your baby is only months old, it's not a good idea to be making a decision to have another one, IMO much better to wait it out until you're less hormonal.

Thanks all. I think i will just have a conversation with my DH about the topic and see what his genuine views are. I really can see why i would be mad to consider it in many ways but i just seem to have that biological urge that doesn't want to go away for some reason. Its odd as in my 20s i never wanted any children at all - hence why i am wondering if its more the fact that i know i may not be able to have babies for much longer as time is pushing on

Do remember that it may not all be plain sailing and like it was before. Consider that the more kids you have the more likely you are to have one with special needs. Obviously you would still love it yadayadayada and once it's born you won't wish you'd never had it but bear in mind it can happen to any family and your world could be turned upside down.
I chose to have a third even though we have ASD in our family and our youngest has turned out to have an ASD too. We are quite limited in our childcare choices because of it and it is only now that I can think about doing more than a few hours work a week once he starts at school this year (assuming he gets on ok with the local mainstream school.) The last few years have been complicated because of this, we are limited in a number of ways, and we have grieved for the life we thought we would be living by now.
Just bear it in mind that if you have another child, it could be far from the fantasy one you have now.

My no 3 is 6mo with an almost nine and a five and a half year old set of big brothers. I'm obviously still naive to some of the fun ahead. I had to statisfy my urge to have three and there is no way I'd not have her. However she's not been an easy baby. We've had feeding/growth issues and that has been very time/energy consuming. I have a lot of guilt about the time I haven't spent with my big two reading to them etc.

I saw this thread and was going to write "Yes. I've got three. It's lovely (It is) The big ones help (They do) It's amazing watching your eight year old with his sister (It is)"

I could write all the lovely stuff but at the end of the day you actually need to hear the other stuff to get the whole picture.

At the end of the day I believe we've made the right decision but i think it'll be the right decision in the long run not necess for the first 9mths to a year! It's a big chunk of my kids life at moment!

SilkStalkings has a valid point there (sorry for your situation SilkStalkings that must be hard for you and your family at times). I think sometimes people romanticise too much about how idyllic it will all be with X amount of children and then realise that actually it may have been fine if they'd stopped at Y afterall...

I could have went on to have three but decided to quit whilst we are ahead (with two). We would dread going back to sleepless nights, that just seems hellish to me - I couldn't think of anything worse!

And logically, the more children you have the less attention each child will get from Mum and Dad as they grow up.

i am currently pregnant with number 3, i was happy with 2 but they are from my previous marriage and dh wanted his own child, and tbh I wanted his child.

my DC's are currently 7 and 5 and will be 8 and 6 when the baby is born, i am hoping the age gap will let them enjoy sharing the baby more, rather than the baby taking me away from them.

Whatever your reasons for/against, talk to your DH and work out what is best for your family, that's all that matters!

My lovely sister has a 12years age gap between her second and third child. It took that long for her DH to be sure, and she had the baby when she was 40. He turned out to be a difficult baby and toddler, but adorable nonetheless. She was very tired, and it took its toll, but she never regretted it and is very happy.
Good luck whatever you decide OP!

Stacey that's what I thought but I reaslised that babies take you away from them a bit whatever age they are. They may be more independent but they still need me to be able to give them my full attention when some drama from school is playing on their mind. Still I wouldn't swop my situation for anything!!! I have an annoying friend who has three close in age that butts in says when I get the standard "Oh-three-you're-brave comments that I've got it easy. I have in ways but it's more complex in others. Summer hol activities suitable for a nine year and nine month old for example! I guess bottom line I'd wished I'd considered the down side from my kids perspective rather than my fantasy of my two big ones getting a year of Mummy (I work part time when not on ML) with a baby that just fits in. I'd still have had no 3 but I'd have been more realistic about everything.

Gosh I'm really all doomy today. I'm usually on these threads saying "Go for it!"