I'm bonkers aren't I

[MrsFlippingHeck]

DS is 3 months old and I hate it when anyone else holds him.

I was fine when he was born and even up until a few weeks ago, but now I feel like I'm passing my heart over when I give him to someone. I just nearly burst into tears when Mil asked to hold him (I didn't and managed to act normal)

It happened with DD as well and I thought it was a PFB thing. He's ebf. is it some crazy hormone thing. Is it to stop saber tooth tigers eating him or fellow cave women from stealing him or am I just odd??

Definitely hormonal. Don't worry.

No you're not, perfectly normal.

Perfectly normal, and if you don't want anyone else to hold him, don't hand him over.

Thank you, I've got a lump in my throat just knowing its ok to feel like this.

What do I say when mil asks to hold him? 'No, sorry I'm hormonal'??

(this isn't a mil thing by the way it's everyone it's just she's the only one who asks)

IMO it's normal to feel that way but normal also for your MIL to be aching to hold her grandchild. I'd hand him over out of compassion for my MIL. It is difficult though and understand your feelings

becstarsky I agree entirely and keep telling myself that over and over and she loves him so much. I wish I wasn't like this as I start feeling really anxious the night before she's due to visit (every week) it got very bad with dd and I never said a word, but I was so unhappy and dreaded their visits.

Dd now has a great relationship with mil and spends a day a week with them.

Oh do be kind to yourself, you sound so lovely. The feeling will pass and you'll be left with the same wonderful relationship that your dd has with your mil. I was super clingy to DS but now am so glad I let mil be involved - he goes to stay with her sometimes when I need to work, and she is truly a godsend. Totally normal to feel the way you do though x

I'm so like this.

I like to imagine it's because I didn't get to hold 3month old DD until 40 mins after she was born (for NO GOOD REASON - but that's another story), so I compensate by holding her all the time now. However I suspect I would've been the same regardless.

Quiet tip: slings are fab. Something like the moby wrap looks really complex to the untrained eye; like it would be a real faff to get baby out. Usually people don't even think to ask for a cuddle. (v. useful at church when lovely friendly people want to pass the baby round like a toy )

Babies who love to hang out on the boob also useful; most people know that little ones can take a while to feed

I do force myself to hand her over to family & close friends as I love that they love her & really want her to develop her own relationship with them. Getting it 'out of the way' at the beginning of a visit helps me a lot; I find that I dread handing her over beforehand but the reality isn't so bad.

(I'm also blessed with a wonderful MIL who loves to cuddle her DGD but is never pushy about it. If I 'hang' DD over my shoulder, they will quite happily have their own gurgly conversation between the two of me behind me )

pomtastic sorry to hear about your early experience with your dd. and sorry youre feeling like me too. Its so hard isnt it. Trying to be a rational social human does not always go hand in hand with being a mum to a young baby.

thanks for the tips. I have got a Moby wrap. I'm finding harder at the moment as ds has just got old enough to know when it's not me holding him and he doesn't like it so he cries (which he never does normally) which makes it much worse. Mil does not follow baby etiquette of handing crying baby back to mum and tries to stop him herself. In the end I just take him back without being offered him.