how to respond when tell your toddler off and they laugh in your face?!

[bibbetybobbityboo]

DD is 2.6 and very lively and boisterous. She seems to need an awful lot of attention at the moment and i appreciate that but as life still goes on there are times i cannot give her my undivided attention during the day. She has become increasingly adept at finding new ways of gaining my attention through a range of means. One of those recently has been to hurt me by slapping my face, kicking or similar. So i try to be reasonable about this and explain that it isn't kind or makes me sad. I try to distract. I negotiate when we can do the thing she wants but that hurting me wont make me want to play with her/cuddle her. If she continues she gets a stern talking to and time out. Thing is time out bothers her not one bit and she quite often laughs at me when i'm 'telling her off'. This infuriates me so i usually walk away, ocassionally i've been so cross and shouted at it for her but apparently that is even funnier . So what the blinking heck do i do in those situations, ignore it, respond differently, ignore the hurting in the first place. I generally don't like ignoring bad behaviour altogether because i want her to know that doing that is wrong not just to stop doing it. Am i wrong here?

They weren't kidding about the terrible twos were they lol!

I wouldn't reason or explain she is too little, if she kicks or hits or bites I would respond with a sharp (not a shout, but a very firm) 'No, mummy does not like that'. or 'No, we do not hurt other people' Whatever floats your boat, then turn your back and walk away and ignore her.

Grr posted and it vanished.

So we are probably over complicating things. She's very chatty and we do have to remind ourselves sometimes that while she might be able to talk the talk she is still only two. We are often guilty of expecting too much from her. Looks like this might be one of those times.

Yes, it's walk away and ignore as it's 'secondary behaviour' - it is incredibly infuriating but I have found going in another room, making tea/eating cake and not looking at her helps me to simmer down. The good news is she will stop in the next 18 months and then spend the next 5 years trying to please you.

And then they get to teenagehood and it starts again (it's a defence machanism then, when little it's just not understanding). When a 13 year old did it to me I had to go to my room and punch a pillow - it's worse when they 'smirk' trust me

Thanks :) Roll on the next 18 months then i say! Cos if her as a 2 yo is anything to go by the teenage years are going to be interesting!!

laughing is often their way of trying to make you not cross any more. i agree keep it simple and to the point when telling off.

This is my two-pence:

You have to stay in control of yourself (definitely hard, I appreciate). Have some mantra to repeat in your head ("she is only 2, and I AM the adult and IN control" etc) when she is infuriating you. Absolutely agree with gobblers - do not shout. A serious/ cross face and firm but calm voice is much more effective because it shows her you are still in control. Only people who have lost it shout, so you have to save that for absolute and very rare emergencies, so that it then has impact. Then, walk away and ignore until she has calmed down/ looks remorseful/ there has been some sort of change in what she is doing, etc (I know this is not always possible, for instance if she is doing something dangerous etc, but when you can ignore her, do). Once she has calmed down, calmly and nicely INSIST she says sorry if she has actually hit you or similar. You do also have to back this up by ensuring she has opportunity to see others (including and especially you) apologising to people whenever appropriate. Lastly, ensure that you make extra time for nice things to do together that she will definitely enjoy where she will have your full attention and can see you being fun loving mummy with her. I'm not suggesting that you don't do this anyway, but I really think that you have to make extra time for it while you are 'training' her out of this bad behaviour. Look at it as a balance - she's going to be getting some very firm treatment from you, so you have to balance it out with lots of nice treatment.

HTH and sorry if it sounds bossy, I'm just pretty confident in this area.

Thanks, not bossy at all. Appreciate having other parents input and suggestions :)

Sounds like my DS. His laughing has made me laugh too completely defeating the object.

I've found removing him from the room works - not like a naughty step - just take him from what he's doing. He comes back in quickly - it's not a punishment as such, more of a "if I do that, I get taken away". I only do it for serious transgressions - eg hitting his sister. He's getting better.

I also try and give lots more attention and involve him in what I'm doing.

Lol yes laughing when they laugh, it's impossible not to sometimes!

Definitely don't make a big deal of it - tell her not to do and and walk away, don't engage any more than that. We're seeing more and more lately with ours (who'll be 2 next week) that it's attention she wants, and we can fairly easily influence her behaviour by ignoring the bad stuff.

I know you say you can't give her your undivided attention during the day, and believe me I know the feeling (there's a 4 month old here too!) but TRY! Seriously, it makes such a difference. Even just chatting to mine while I'm doing something else helps. Or letting her 'help' me with things. They need the attention and they'll get it one way or the other!