Unknown

[ChiefPotterer]

I have recently read a few posts on shouting at children and feeling guilty after-I too have been doing too much telling off recently and would really love some advice on effective discipline rather than simply shouting about the same stuff ad nauseum!.
DD is 5 and really trying at the minute always saying no to getting dressed, getting bathed, coming in after plastime outside etc...I used to be able to coax her into doing things by making up little stories like pretending she was going to swimming pool for bath or needing to be dressed before I count to 20 or she would turn into a frog, you know the score i'm sure we have all done the coaxing!-however she has outgrown this now and knows I am just chivvying her on.
DD has also started getting quite bossy with her friends who come to play and can be quite mean at times which upsets me because she is naturally a very sweet natured child so I hate to see her like this!.
I guess my question is what way do you discipline your child which is age appropriate and actually works! I am a real soft touch and do not think I am going about it the right way because I end up repeating the same phrases which she then ignores and then shouting which I hate doing. DDI has a brother whom she gets on brilliantly with and is genuinely an easy going lovely girl however this refusal to do things and meanness to friends is an issue at the minute. All advice greatly appreciated.

*sorry hit create post without giving it a title!-title should read 'wilful 5 year old-how to handle without resorting to gin'.

i generally go down the supernanny approach - boring but works for us. My 2 are 5 and 4 and the 5 year old DS in particular can be challenging to just get dressed, etc. We do have a naughty chair which is used (less frequently now as we dont need it so much)
For me the things that work are;
i) consistent routine so they kids know what is coming and what is expected
ii) clear instructions
iii) consistency (can be boring but is key)
iv) if you commit to something you must carry it through - e.g. if you say, if you dont get dressed in 5 minutes we wont go to the park etc then you have to go through with it otherwise there is no consequence. Have to be things you can carry through i.e. dont say things like if you dont do x then you wont watch TV for a whole month, as you know you cannot deliver on it
v) set clear expectations of behaviour before it gets out of hand, e.g. i say to mine before we sit down at the table - i expect you to sit nicely, eat your dinner with a knife and fork and ask to get down when finished otherwise you will not watch tv (or similar). If they then misbehave there is no tv (or whatever i said)

so in essence i think what i am saying is
set expectations (might have to repeat lots of times before they know)
Consequences of said bad behavior (what ever you choose)
Follow through no matter how hard it might seem at the time
Consistency

Oh and lots of praise when they do things well. We are all too quick to shout at bad behaviour but often fail to notice and comment on the good. e.g what great tidying you just did, or wow aren't you such a big boy for putting your shoes on nicely

If she doesn't get dressed, she goes to school in her pyjamas. (take her uniform in a bag, 99% chance she'll get dressed in the car!)

If she doesn't have a bath, she doesn't get a bedtime story.

If she doesn't come in tonight, she doesn't go out tomorrow.

Have a list of realistic consequences in your head/written down somewhere you can get to easily. Ask nicely the first time, threaten consequence the second time. On the third you say

"Because you didn't do as you were asked, you won't be doing/getting x"

You might then want to give the opportunity to earn back x by excellent behaviour in between, depends on your dd and whether further bribery is necessary

When she does do right, lavish praise on her for being such a fabulous, wonderful girl who mummy is incredibly proud of

And make sure the gin is available after bedtime!