Learning social skills

[Posey]

Ds is just 3, an absolute delight at home and with older children (he has a big sister).
But at nursery, which he attends 2 seesions a week and toddler group, he can be absolutely vile. Temper tantrums, screaming, very possessive of toys and personal space...All the things that if I pulled him up for at home he would back down on in an instance at nursery it just escalates. He answers back to the staff (during a tantrum, not in normal behaviour) but am finding it really hard to know how to handle this. I feel really embarrassed by his behaviour and worried that he will end up a complete brat (hoping its just a phase). Dd never had tantrums (lucky I know) and has always been non-confrontational so I find it hard to know what to do with ds who's extremely headstrong.
How come 2 children from same parents can be so different?

Please tell me how to handle him? And please tell me it won't last forever.

Posey, I'm sure it is a phase and the fact that he's fine at home tells you that this isn't about him alone, it's about him and the nursery.

Perhaps the strategies they are using with him could be changed? What do they do when he's having a tantrum and answering them back etc?

it is very difficult for some kids to accept sharing their space with other demanding peers - older kids and adults often play along with the younger one, whereas their peers have little regard for them and some kids seem to find this very difficult. However the nursery should be able to sort it - after all you say he would back down in an instant for you. Are you certain the way that he's being dealt with at nursery isn't actually escalating things?

I only ask this because my DS was not happy at his first nursery and I got told sometimes that he'd had a tantrum or had been difficult - after a term I moved him to local pre-school and he's so very very much happier there, and these incidents have never even occured there. I think the teacher at his previous nursery was quite 'authoritarian' and certainly she was the factor that escalated the behaviour.

Obviously may not be the same in your case but thought it worth mentioning. Good luck.

Thanks for that.
It seems that he's definitely different depending on which children are there and also worse if one member of staff isn't there. She also happens to be my friend, although ds doesn't "socialise" with her as her kids are different ages, so he doesn't think of her as my friend IYSWIM. She was off today and he was worse, he seems to respond much better to her ways if he's getting angry. I spoke to her earlier and she thinks he's just testing boundaries etc.
Anyway feeling more positive now as I recall all the positives (far more in number and duration, just less memorable in intensity!)