Advice needed re playdate etiquette!

[MangoHedgehog]

I would like to find some more friends for DD (5) to have round for playdates. She is at the age that she would love a little friend or two. However she is quite a shy girl and hasn't quite managed to make many friends of her own yet. And I think she would need to meet girls on her home turf, at least to start with, until she could build confidence with them. Sadly I don't know any girls around her age, and I work FT so I don't get to meet any mums at the school gate. DD gets the bus to her school which is a couple of miles away.

AFAIK there is only one other girl in her class who lives in the same town as us. DD and this girl have actually had a couple of playdates together but - how can I put this? - they don't really seem to meet eye to eye. They like to play different types of games and they tend to squabble a lot. I think DD would love a little friend who likes to play quiet games and not be too loud!

It sounds like she is getting quite friendly with a few other girls in her class who are a bit quieter. However I have no idea how to make contact with these girls' parents to try to set something up. There is little hope I would bump into any of them apart from at those few points in the year where everybody is there e.g. school plays or sports day.

What is the done thing in this situation? Could I be cheeky and try to leave a message through the school? Or would that look weird?

I would love to find some friends for DD as I know she is desperate to build relationships with other little girls but the school environment is just too raucous for her to do it at this age. I feel horribly guilty that I haven't found her any to date and am willing to consider anything. Any advice gratefully received xxx

I was in this position when DS1 started school, so I went on one of the nights out and got as many mobile numbers as I could from mums of boys DS1 mentioned and then sent them text's asking them round to play over the summer. It's not easy and I had to make all the moves, but it was worth it as now we have a group of friends who come over on a regular basis.

If they don't organise nights out, do the same at your DC's birthday party.

Write a little message: dd would like to invite you for a play date, what day / time is good for you? Mango, phone no.

That's how I contact kids whose parents I don't see at drop-off or pick-up, works fine.

These are good ideas thank you :) There aren't any nights out but there are birthday parties sometimes, i could try to set things up then. I really like the idea of sending a little note to school! thank you

Nights out?

Birthday parties are the best opportunity, the other parents will be able to see for yourself that you are not a raving axe murderer. I have gone down the path of little notes, but mostly not successfully. People simply ignore.

our class must be extra friendly then, we have mums nights out at the end of term and at Christmas. It's a great way to get to know the other mums. Which reminds me, must check if one has been organised for the summer.

Does you have a class rep that acts as a go-between between the school/PTA and the parents carers?
They normally pass on info about fund-raising etc. and collect names and contact numbers of all parents int he class where we are. Most parents are happy for their details to be passed on for such reasons.