I'm 23 weeks pg with DC2. DS is 19 months, so will be about 23m when this one's born. This is exactly the age-gap DH and I wanted, but the reality of it is terrifying me.
I have no family support apart from DH, and really struggled with DS. The first 6m of his life were probably the worst of mine - I didn't bond with him, never slept and struggled to come to terms with how my life had changed. I found leaving the house an overwhelming, monumental challenge and was permanently terrified that he might cry while we were out, or need a feed, or a nappy change. He had colic and spent much of the day & night resisting sleep and screaming. Thinking back to that time makes me feel physically sick and sends waves of adrenaline through me.
I suppose the only reason I'm having a second is because I'm holding on to "the plan". If I had any sense I probably should have changed the plan. I'm in a permanent state of fear that I won't cope.
Can anyone help me see the first months in a new light, so I'm not filled with this overwhelming dread? Or give me strategies to cope? Especially with an extremely lively toddler to deal with on top of it all. How do I survive with no sleep? How do I do everyday things, like have a shower?