Negative Mother

[vineyard]

Me and my mother are not close as she is not a emotional or particular loving person. She will however if you have a problem to discuss share her thoughts. I have a lovely son and from pre pregnancy has always said negative things i.e when pregnant with son informed me that her father said pregant women are ugly and repeated this to me. Of course I found this hurtful and expressed that this is not a nice comment to repeat. With her grandchild she does however repeat that she loves him but in the same breathe will say he is a coward because he cannot walk yet as should be at 9months. I am concernced because I want try and overcome these comments but after a while I feel should I visit her or limit the visit's. She has been divorced for some time and is still stuck in the past. Have tried to prize her out of this mindset but it's hard. Any suggestion how I deal with this situation as I don't want my son to feel grandma's negative vibe

Nothing helpful to say I'm afraid but I have a similar mother so if anyone has any words of wisdom, they'd be much appreciated.

My FIL is Mr Negativity.

Have you considered moving to a country as far away as it is possible to be?

The way I deal with it is to be relentlessly cheerful and breezy.

It's a strain.

Revisit my living abroad idea...

Same as Ozziegirly, relentless breeziness. My mother is a bit of a 'dementor'... tends to suck the joy out of life :) ... and I'm the polar opposite. Any remarks get met with an 'don't be silly' (or similar) and then a swift change of the subject.

You might be better posting this in relationships as some knowledgable ladies in there.

My mum is a bit like this. I pull her up on it now - I don't think she realises she's doing it

I also see her less now as it's a bit wearing - although there are other reasons for not staying in touch much.

You can counter her every time she says something. So if she calls him a coward, say "mum, he's not a coward" etc. also have a chat about her attitude - bring up one specific example and tell her how you feel when she says it. Does she say anything nice?

My mum used to be like this but has either grown out of it or I've trained her out of it. When the kids were babies/toddlers she used to make similar comments but as they have grown and become 'real people' she has stopped. I agree with the bright n breezy - pull her up on it every time.

thank meribucket I like the bright and breezy approach hopefully she will grow out of it :)

hope some the comments have helped you it nice to know a few people are in the same boat

Iggly I will pick her up on attitude as sometimes as individuals we can get so caught up in our own issues. I think she forgets about what impact her words have

Ozziegirly I did ponder on the thought of what would happen if we moved further away :) then thought not far to keep grandchild away forever. There I am going try and change the situation as sometimes the person doesn't want to change all you can do is have a breezy approach thank you for your advice,

Personally, I'd say limit your visits. I have a mother similar, but she says more negative stuff to me rather than to my offspring.