Snogging at 7! What do you make of this?

[onmymind]

I'm a regular with a name change.

My dd's best friend (7) came for dinner the other day and started talking about snogging (her word). She explained that snogging is different from kissing because you roll your tongues around each other. She then went on to say her dad once got back from the pub late when she was asleep and came in and snogged her.

I know her dad. He lives with another woman and they have a baby together. They're a really nice couple and I've always got on very well with him. In fact I've always thought he's a great dad and a really nice bloke.

His dd only stays with him one weekend a fortnight and spends the rest of the time at her mum's. I also really like her mum. We live close by and have become good friends as our dd's hang our together.

This snogging comment has worried me though. I don't know what to make of it. What do you make of it?

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Cupcakes and pouch of douglas you are right it would look lke altering evidence also if you broach it with her in any way or question her further in any form about it it is less credible and wouldnt stand up in court _in worse case scenario.
On my mind yes i would cover yourself and tell someone you could trust and mention to the girls mother about the snogging thing in a more general sense but at same time keep eyes and ears open. See if she mentions it again.

think itmight be harmless.
dd talks about snogging. Infact she wants to snog evry boy in the world by the time she is 21

she will pout her lips and dh or me and say give us a snog...

Gawd she sounds awful - my dd- she is not though she is fabulous

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hmm yes maybe
but the poster is not a teacher, though, and more important that she finds about the actual situation and doesn't worry about any possible court case
long way down the line
imo

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what makes me think twicw about this is that the girl knows the difference between snogging and kissing. which would make me think that there is some truth in what she says.

A girl i used to mind started saying something similar and role playing with dolls one wednesday i happened to be listening very carefully to what was being said before realising it was the script of holby city the night before! As weeks went by this carried on i spoke to mum in the end because it became so the littler ones were picking it up and following suit but if i hadnt stopped to really have a good listen i might have jumped to all kinds-sometimes it is something more sometimes not as others have said.

no, I agree
by the age of seven there would be nothing surprising at all in knowing about snogging imo

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It was the thing about the pub and also about rolling tongues around. I've just said to my kids during bedtime stories, 'what was X saying about snogging or something the other day?'. My dd said, 'about what?' and didn't remember the conversation at all but ds who's a year younger started doing tongue rolling actions and said, 'I remember. It's like this isn't it.' I said, 'How do you know?' He said, 'I remember X talking about it'.

Interesting that he should remember but it went right over dd's head. I suppose I've gone and made them focus on it now. That's the problem with these things. We can blow them up out of proportion because of our own fears and concerns. But we also need to be aware and protect children who may be ... well ... you know what I'm saying.

I must admit I don't really get the legal stuff which is being said here. I can only operate on a worried mum sort of a basis. I don't think a court case would help anyone at all. The girl clearly loves her dad and he's a fab dad in so many ways.

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onmymind - at the end of the day as you say, you can only go by how you feel. it is important that you let your kids now what is acceptable and what isn't. your dd spends time with the dad, and even if at best the dad isn't iffy, she still needs to know for any adult.

If all of this is down to misunderstanding, the fact of the matter is dd spends time with the little girl who will tell her stuff and so your dd needs to know whats ok and whats not.

alot of abuse goes on for a long while before the child even knows that anything is wrong, if they have been exposed to it from a young age, they dont know that it isn't perfectly normal.

I am not from a legal background so cant say what is right to say, you cant not say anything in fear that it may discredit the child, children are sponges and get their knowledge from all diff sources.
In court cases the judge/ legal team need to acertain if the child kniws the diff between right and wrong so her saying she knows it's wrong cos you said or tv said or whoever said still means she know it's wrong.

another thing to think about is if something indeed is going on and you knew about it but did nothing 1, you'll feel awful, 2, the mother will want to know why you said nothing, 3, you'll want to make sure nothing like this happened to your dd as she stays in his care. and 4, if you did have to go to court and the dad really had done something, the defense will make out that the fact that you did nothing proves you had no reason to think anything was going on and that will help him.....

right i've waffled on far more than i had meant to.

oh yes, last point - as said before - you dont have to out rightly accuse the dad, you can just tell the mother and leave it in her hands.

Thanks champs. You make good points. I'm still digesting all of this.

I appreciate your help everyone.

this is a tough one.

when i was seven, my 16 year old cousin snogged me, properly and i ran away crying, that was the start of a few years of abuse.

how did she seem when she told you about it, was she nervous, blaise, tense, etc

if it was me i would actually probably speak directly to the father, and say something like 'arent kids funny, you know just the other day your DD said you snogged her after coming in from the pub! where do they get it from! and watch his reaction very carefully.

even if you dont get SS involved or whatever if something is going on and you mention it to the father lightly, it may be enough to frighten him.

Will you have the opportunity to ask her some further, gentle, questions?

What is your gut feeling? - this is usually the most helpful in terms of 'getting it right'.

I have just read 'Toxic Parents' and so this is probably colouring my view but I'd do something, it doesn't matter how lovely a family they seem, this means nothing in terms of how likely it is that abuse is occuring.

I really am not sure what to suggest as it so depends on the way it was said, etc. but I do know that if a child 'comes out' in this way to an adult, quite possibly in the hope that the trusted adult will recognise a problem and do something, it can be devastating to the child if their quiet plea is 'ignored'.

I really don't envy you having to make this decision but to me, on the info given, it sounds decidedly suspicious.

Finally, children very rarely (i.e. almost never0 lie about this sort of thing.

Good Luck.