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Parenting

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Original poster

Snogging at 7! What do you make of this?

42 replies

onmymind · 22/02/2006 18:53

I'm a regular with a name change.

My dd's best friend (7) came for dinner the other day and started talking about snogging (her word). She explained that snogging is different from kissing because you roll your tongues around each other. She then went on to say her dad once got back from the pub late when she was asleep and came in and snogged her.

I know her dad. He lives with another woman and they have a baby together. They're a really nice couple and I've always got on very well with him. In fact I've always thought he's a great dad and a really nice bloke.

His dd only stays with him one weekend a fortnight and spends the rest of the time at her mum's. I also really like her mum. We live close by and have become good friends as our dd's hang our together.

This snogging comment has worried me though. I don't know what to make of it. What do you make of it?

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cupcakes · 22/02/2006 18:57

It is rather worrying. It could be she has seen him snogging his gf and has confused this somehow with her own thoughts about snogging. I can imagine some girls might start thinking about boys at this age (in a slightly romantic way) and might get confused if she sees her dad being intimate with gf.
Hmmm. Bit of a concern though.

alliebaba · 22/02/2006 18:58

how awful for you. can you perhaps mention the snogging thing to her mum, without mentioning about the dad and see what she says

muma3 · 22/02/2006 19:01

my dd1 is 8y (last nov) and is onstantly talking of snogging. she knows what it is and has said that she has kissed a few boys at her school (old school this is a few months ago ) i asked her if she has snogged them but she gets all embarassed. i do get worried but not to the point where i am concerned iyswim? i would be concerned though if she has said that her dad snogged her . a mistake or something to be concerned about?
im not sure maybe if she mentioned it again i would mention it to one of her parents?

tricky one

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pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 19:02

Message withdrawn

lilianna · 22/02/2006 19:06

honestly you should tell her mum what it is you heard so she can talk to her dd and her dad. Im saying this incase this little girl says it again and the wrong person hears and takes it up with social services.

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:10

Perhaps I could use your idea alliebaba and make a general comment to her mum like, 'I didn't know X knew about snogging' then her mum can choose to question her further.

OP posts:

doormat · 22/02/2006 19:10

agree with coddy

be very careful as sometimes it can be over-active imagination
or it could be that this nice man may not be very nice at all

FrannyandZooey · 22/02/2006 19:11

I think it could easily be a fantasy / make believe thing, most little girls this age feel quite romantic about their fathers and the fact he has a relationship with someone other than her mum means she is more likely to think about him being a boyfriend type of person if you know what I mean.

It's also possible he did get back late one night and drunkenly gave her a big sloppy kiss - especially if he doesn't see her that often, it must be quite emotional for him when he does.

Just wanted to point out ways in which it could be innocent. You need to trust your instincts on this one, but obviously keep your eyes and ears open too.

alliebaba · 22/02/2006 19:11

it's really difficult.

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:12

What do you mean 'cover your back' PouchofD?

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pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 19:12

Message withdrawn

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 19:13

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:13

My dd has stayed the night at his house too. I really don't want to mistrust this guy because he seems so nice. So's his new partner. But ...

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harpsichordcarrier · 22/02/2006 19:13

hmmmm
what was her tone when she told you? was she concerned?
I agree with Franny btw, I think I would think very hard before saying anything to the mum

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:14

Yes I see pouch. Thanks.

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pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 19:15

Message withdrawn

harpsichordcarrier · 22/02/2006 19:15

I absolutely agree with cod here
I woul need to be VERY convinced in my mind that this child was at risk before I started any balls rolling, because these things are very hard to stop.
could you raise the subject with her again, just indirectly? make an assessment then?

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:16

She didn't seem concerned harpsi. More like just matter of fact informing us that she knew what snogging was. She did say she doesn't like it when he comes home late from the pub. But then most little girls wouldn't because they might miss their dads.

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doormat · 22/02/2006 19:19

omm once knew a well respected, very nice man who did everything for you etc
turned out he was a nonce
community was shocked
found out recently that his dd's were involved in pornos
he was in a ring

not saying this man is guilty etc but just be on your guard and as coddy says cover your back by telling someone you can trust

cupcakes · 22/02/2006 19:20

I wonder if there is a way you can tactfully let her know that snogging is for couples, not parents and children.
She doesn't seem worried or upset by it in your description so maybe all is fine. But if she doesn't realise it's inappropriate then she might be ok about it anyhow. At least if she knew it wasn't normal then if it happened again she might want to talk to you or her mum about it.
I don't actually know how you could casually have this conversation though.

harpsichordcarrier · 22/02/2006 19:21

that's good advice from cupcakes and from cod.
poor you though. grim situation.

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 19:21

Message withdrawn

cupcakes · 22/02/2006 19:22

I would definitely try and have some kind of casual low key conversation with your dd about this though. Not naming her friend directly, just making sure she understands what is appropriate.

Original poster

Onmymind · 22/02/2006 19:22

Great idea cupcakes. I could just make sure she's in earshot while telling my dd that couples, when they're teenage or older, kiss in a different way to children. Children aren't supposed to kiss like that.

It's tricky though isn't it. I'll certainly make sure my dd knows how to react if she's uncomfortable with the way another adult is behaving towards her.

Not something I wanted to go into yet.

OP posts:

cupcakes · 22/02/2006 19:22

Would that look like altering evidence then?

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