Do you think it matter that my ds is spending all day chatting to mates on xbox live

[kalia]

The trouble is that he is a only and doesn,t have anyone to play with in our neighbourhood we have nowt money to go out. If he wasn,t on xbox live he would be watching tv, if we do go out he just wants to get home to get back on with his mates and doesn,t enjoy the day out anyway, plus the weather is crap.
We have had one day out that broke the bank and I am fed up myself. Ds is 11 can be awkward, stroppy, etc I usually have friends over for him but get fed up of feeding them. shipping them back and forwards home, and ds hardly gets a invite back anyway, most of the time its me who mentions having a mate over ds has never asked once during this holiday so I have left it.
I get edgy over letting him do this as I feel he should be doing more sociable things but honestly I am always stuck as to what he hates doing anyhting out of his comfort zone so it always ends up xbox live playing games chatting to mates for him.
I am a bad mother I know I am letting him rot in his room all day.
The trouble is that it would take me half the day to get him moving to go anywhere.
He will literally starve himself to death and only get up to go to the toilet.

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It sounds very difficult, and I feel for you! Can you wean him off- find at least a weeks activities for the summer, there are some amazing and very cheap schemes. What about moving the x box downstairs at least?

He won,t go to anything at all

Kalia in that case, I think you have to be firm. He's old enough for you to explain that it's not good for his health mentally or physically to spend so much time on his x box. He needs to get out and socialise and get fresh air- (although the weather has been so awful recently its a real struggle.)

When he was a toddler you made him brush his teeth, and go to bed, now have to make him do 'non x box stuff'. Can you start by moving it into the living room?

Actually he is socialising. He's talking to his friends, not spending the day turning into a zombie. I agree the XBox should be in a public space, though - I disagree in general with tvs in teenagers rooms (which he is nearly). Has he gone through puberty yet? 11 is a very difficult age. There should be some limits, but he's old enough to negotiate them himself. Ask him what he thinks is a reasonable limit (prepare for it to be triple double what you think) and go from there.

So the friends that he chats too, is it not possible for them to meet face to face, are they too far away? It is fair enough that he spends some time on it but if you ask me, not all day, I don't think that's a good idea at all. He could engage in other hobbies too, pref some that include going outside, eg riding a bike. Plus, if he's stuck in his room he's not socialising with his family and I don't think electronic socialising is proper socialising, certainly not for a youngster.

By the way, don't think I am being lecturing here, I know how difficult it is to get my DCs off computers, TVs and games consoles, I really have to work at it and time limit it and I explain to them it's just not good for them to be on these things too long. If you're more firm now you'll probably be glad you were later on.

Agree with Zu, at least on xbox live he is chatting to others, not just sitting in isolation (that is the main reason we allowed DS to have his in his own room, as otherwise he is chattering and squealing with the noise of the games and no-one else can get a word in!)

I do think some time limits are a good idea and that maybe some bribery to do something more physical would be good (lets take a bike ride to McDs or something!)

Could you arrange for some friends to come over and for him to visit them? Even if they still end up on the xbox, its a bit different to have someone in the same room! I know how hard it is tho.