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Original poster

I need some reasurance or some one who help me out, diplomatically, of this problem. (long... sorry)

19 replies

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:00

OK, neighbour rang today and asked me what I will be doing tomorrow afternoon, I'm not terribly busy so I said "nothing important really" and then she told me about her twins having a birthday party tomorrow and wanted DS to attend.
Fine, problem is that I really don't like her girls, but don't flame me before you hear the reasons:

The reason I have my doubt about the girls, is that I have had a \link:{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=26937\little incident} with, that the other one decided it was a good idea to grop my bubs after I sat at her side to watch TV, and that another friend had complained of one of the girls coming to watch her while she was taking a bath, although she repeatedly asked her to leave the bathroom the girl stayed put staring at her naked body, she really freaked her out. Her mother dismiss all this as natural curiosity or takes a full -and not very sensible- aproach to punish/dismiss the behaviour as you may have read in my other thread. -lovely neighbour and me did some babysitting for each other while DS was around 18m old. Which I stoped because I realised that she was not actually taking care of him but her then 7-8 year old girls (she send him to play with them and disapeared from the room), and.... beacuase DS started doing some french kissing (he did place his little hands on my cheeks and force his mouth on mine, not that bad up to that, the problem was that DS tried to put his little tongue in my mouth ). He was only cared by me, the nursery, and my neighbour. I don't believe DS could have learn that at the nursery (he was nearly 2 yrs old at the time and with current staff ratios I doubt very much it could be possible), we don't kiss him in the mouth so the only place left was the neighbour's but, I didn't belive the neighbour would do something like that so I tried to talk myself out of the thought but didn't allow her to babysit when the girls were there just in case... -But, the other day she invited me for a coffee which we drank at her kitchen while DS went upstairs to play with the girls... so, after no french kissing episodes in months, he started French kissing again that night! so that in a way confirmed her DDs were into it I don't want to speak to her about it because I don't want to be in another punishing session as the last one, I don't even know if I want to tell her about it because she has told me she intensively dislikes one of the girls because it reminds her of her X, I think that telling her about the problems will send her head on against the "disliked" daughter and made her DD's life even more miserable, though, having said that... I think she is the one who has been french kissing DS, although the other one was the one who I talked about in my other thread! What do I do? don't want to go to the party, actually I don't want those girls near to DS at all), how do I get out of this, is months since I have been avoiding her and surely she knows something is very wrong but I'm not quite sure is a good idea to talk about it...

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Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:01

What happened with all the space between the paragraphs??? sorry

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Twiglett · 22/02/2006 14:02

phone and say 'oops silly me I totally forgot that I'm going to x's house for lunch, I'm so.o.o.o sorry we won't be able to come .. have a lovely time"

cece · 22/02/2006 14:02

can't ds come down with a tummy bug at the last minute?

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Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:04

and what do I do about the kissing subject? I feel terrible, she babysits so often I even feel a bit guilty...

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WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 14:04

Agree with twig, invent a forgotten appt.

lunavix · 22/02/2006 14:05

avoid the girls like the plague. id speak to her about the kissing, how old are they? could they be victims of abuse?

geekgrrl · 22/02/2006 14:05

or pretend (tomorrow morning) that ds has developed a stomach bug overnight?

Sounds totally vile. poor you.

Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:07

I think they will be 10-11.

I also thought about that (that why I told her about the behaviour-see my ohter thread) but, she just went for the girl as the Spanish Inquisition!

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stephanie21 · 22/02/2006 14:07

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Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:09

There was a point when she started taking men home, I though they may have seen her or something, but, in other unrelated conversations, she said the girls didn't know she had been involved with them. So not sure..

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doormat · 22/02/2006 14:12

chandra havent read other thread but if I was in your position
I think there was nothing else I could do really but to confront your neighbour about it.
this behaviour is wrong and your ds should not be subjected to this every time he sees these girls. It is a form of sexual assault imo.
I would not send him to the party neither.
IMO stuff the girls feelings as they are doing wrong by your ds.

Have been in similar position with a weird family who lived in our old cul de sac,
ds came in one day and told his dad and I that his willy had been played with (he was 4 yrs old) by 2 girls 7 and 8 yo.This happened when he was at back of a house and also to his friend.
I went ballistic and confronted their mum and then told her I was reporting her to ss as her kids shouldnt really know anything like that at at that age.
SS did sweeet fa bar remove them to different address.Turns out they were actually inbreds a brother and sister who had 3 kids together.
Pretty disgusting imo.

stephanie21 · 22/02/2006 14:22

i agree with doormat that you should say something.
OMG doormat,how horrible for you.think i wouldve gone ballistic aswell.one of my neighbours let her dd go to another neighbours house to play with their dd.the father filled a paddling pool for them, and the kid told my neihbours dd to strip off so that her clothes didnt get wet,and that their dad would take pics of them.i think the worst thing about it all is that the kids from that family were so used to being naked in front of their dad and have him take pics.my neighbour went round there when her dd had said what had ahppened.she rang the police,and he served 6 months in prison as both him and his wife took pics of themselves with their kids,naked and put them on dodgy websites.ss have left the kids in their care!he was meant to stay with his parents when he got out of prison,and he did for 4 months until the police realised they lived opposite a school!

Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:26

The last kissing episode was more than 3 months ago, shoul I still say sdomething (Excuse the slow action but my only evidence that something was happening was french kissing... not that you can interview a child who has not yet turned 3... sigh! I feel like a bad mother!)

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Sparklemagic · 22/02/2006 14:31

As others have said, just cry off the party at the last minute.

As you are so troubled by all this, I think maybe you could take a step back from her and her DDs? You'd have to stop using her to babysit obviously, but life might seem easier if you don't feel beholden to her. It's my guess she feels she 'gets' something on you if she is generous with the babysitting, so she has continued involvement if you know what I mean.

doormat · 22/02/2006 14:32

chandra you are not a bad mother at all
ok so it happened 3 moons ago but how are you going to avoid this situation and similar all the time
your are neighbours, I am not saying report her at all, but this will just keep eating you away if you dont do nothing about it.
Also you have to think about when he starts school etc, what if he starts french kissing there, how are you going to explain it to teachers etc.
You need to make a stand and tell neighbour that this is not on.
You will constantly be wondering as you are now.

Steph that is disgusting, he should of got longer imo.

Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 14:55

I don't use her to babysit since more than a year ago. I did worry about the school though, but DS is due to start when they will be moving to secondary school. The thins is definitively eating me away, not all the time, but whenever I found her in the street and she invites me in (have not said yes, thank you in months)

The other problem is that we have a very small Latin American community here so I feel that making such accusation can and will backfire at me at some point in the near future (it's a gossiping hell), as I said, she is lovely, is the bloody children who are not, so I'm afraid I may end up being accused of making it up.

Stephanie, that's really scary!!! sometimes you feel like you can't trust anybody.

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doormat · 22/02/2006 15:01

I can sympathise chandra re the community as neighbourhoods can be a bit feisty some times.

Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 21:38

Thanks Doormat, I think I will find an excuse and phome her at the time of the party. I'm sure you are right, but probably I should have acted on that immediatly when it happen instead of just avoiding her without explaining why. I think you are right, sod the kid's feelings, they are in the wrong and DS is the victim here. I don't think it will happen again as I am not likely to allow them to be together with DS, but if something gets to happen again...I'm the one sending the Sapnish Inquisition...

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Original poster

Chandra · 22/02/2006 21:39

I think this is the first time I use the word "sod" [scratching head emoticon]

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