When does parenting get easier?

[rubyblue]

Feeling like it is a huge challenge at moment, do is four and dd is 22 months. They are pretty good but the usual fights, tantrums etc. I just feel like it is a struggle to get through everyday and I can't wait until they are In bed. Nothing new there I know but sometimes I regret having them. I daydream about life per kids, even per dh when I lived in my own flat, alone, clean and tidy and with time and head space to think.
When does it get better? I can't see how it will. It just feels like that's my life over for the next 20 years. And sister makes me feel worse by moaning about teenagers and how bad that stage is.

Give me hope!

By the stage where you can hand them a fiver and tell them to take themselves off for the day. My 12yo left the house this morning with a mate, his bus money and sufficient funds to buy himself a small burger. Bliss

Mine are 5 and 2 1/2. I too often look back fondly at pre children days (whe you could selfishly walk out the house without a second thought!). However the one time my husband took them to his mums for a couple of days I was climbing the walls by the time they got back as I missed them so much! The grass is always greener!! I think there are always good days and bad. Anyone want mine this afternoon???

I think it gets easier when you can have a proper conversation with them. School age plus. Maybe I'm just lucky in the personality of child I've got but I certainly found that, once you can rationalise and discuss matters, you get a lot less of the annoying stand-offs that you do with smaller children. And I don't think teens are automatically horrible. Just depends on how you relate to each other.

20+

My children 8 and 5, and I have to say that I'm enjoying this age with my children the best. I can talk to and enjoy time with my children without the hard work.

I agree with the previous poster who says school age because they can rationalise.

I think different parents are better with different ages: some are brilliant with babies and toddlers but find teen independence difficult to handle, others feel suffocated by the demands of a small baby but can quite enjoy arguing the pros and cons mixed-sex sleepovers.

I also think different children deal better with different ages.
I was one of those children who simply should never have been a toddler- I craved independence and couldn't bear a situation where I was not in control; I made a pretty good teenager, though, because my judgment was actually pretty good and my parents were able to recognise that and give me a lot of freedom. Ds otoh was a very happy, placid small boy, but is rather unsettled by the coming of puberty and the looming spectacle of adult life: he can't quite decide whether he wants to be grown-up or not- I always knew I did.

Dcs 13 and 10 years, I'm still waiting.....

when they leave home

It does. At some point in the dim and distant future but I'm not sure when.

Mine are 18, 16, 14 and 10

i wouldn't say its easier. It is certainly less intense but you don't get any time alone in the evening and if you live in the arse end of nowhere you spend all weekend ferrying them from pillar to post or worrying where they are if they take the car! (obviously not the 10 year old as he doesn't go far with the car!)

However it is lovely when you can have a laugh and a joke with them or watch a film together. I didn't like the baby stage at all I found it much easier when I could communicate properly with them

oooh sorry that should say 18,16,15 and 10...DD2 has just had a birthday!

Mine are 6 & 4 and this is far easier than any other stage so far. They play together and can do lots of things for themselves and they can be good fun!

When your youngest is 3.5.

[precise]

At that point you can leave them alone for enough time to sit down, without worrying that they will IMMEDIATELY kill themselves.

Another very good moment is when the youngest goes to school.

I think I was quite a good mother at the toddler stage but tbh I look back and shudder, it was SUCH hard work. Sympathy.

I believe it's when they're in their 30s

mine are 11 and 13 and I'm still waiting.

There isn't a harder and easier stage imo, there's just different challenges at different stages.

Mine are 18, 17, 15 and 3. Can I get back to you?

I didnt think it did.

I'm still causing my parents grief and worry!

When ds1 was 3 it certainly seemed to be getting easier by the way. So we thought we should have another

I asked this many many years ago to a lady whose child was six years older than mine (mine was two at the time).

Her answer has stayed with me because in hindsight in my case it was spot on.

It doesn't get easier - it just gets different

In other words there are always different phases with different sets of challenges and so is never as black and white as easier or harder. It just is.

That said between you and me there was a window between 7 and 9 yrs which suited me personally...

Thanks all for the comments. Not sure if it is reassuring or not, different not easier. I hope that at least the practical side will be easier, like out of nappies, able to dress themselves etc. oh god, am I deluded? I have never drunk wine consistently every other night, since I had kids. Boredom and a tiny sense of a reward at the end of the day. Goes off to open the Pinot....

when they can turn the tv on and pour themselves cereal - ie when you arent so tired,

my tip - make them come to you m dont rush to them all the time

Agree with Mark - it just gets different - I look back with fondness on the days when DS was tucked up in bed at 7pm with lights out - now you usually find me out ferrying him (age 12) from sports match to sports match every night (and I hate sport ).

if its not right for you to work then get a cople of mornings when they are both out at nursery

i argued at the time it was cheaper to do this than to hire a cleaner. I dont think i cleaned that much though!

oh plus i got a voluntary job mentoring young offenders - could do in the evening and gave me something to look forward to,

admitting its a drag is ok - you just need something to look forward to

rabid has reminded me why the 5-7 phase worked well for me having a bit of extra kip. Cereal+TV was ace on a Saturday morning. But it pays not to leave the little 'uns too long with their sugar rush frosties and dayglo catoons....
....cos they might decide to 'make' you something with Paint or Playdo or Felts or Scissors or the Toaster

Joking aside Love that rabid - The looking forward to of mentoring young offenders in comparison with the drudgery of childcare (My slant). Bless you. I assume you aren't joking do you want mine?