How to find time for an 18 month old, a 6 week old and yourself!! - is it possible to be fair to all?

[purplefuzz]

I'm finding if one DC is asleep I am sooo desperate to take advanatage to get a few jobs done and to have a minute (literally a minute) for myself to shower etc that I worry I'm neglecting which ever DC is awake, even though I do make sure I spend at least some 1-1 time (DC2 - singing, cuddling, playmat etc, DC1 manic toddler play etc!) with each DC during each such one child 'session'. DC2 isn't going to bed of an evening yet and we're still up throughout the night so things are literally a bit 24/7 at the moment. I'm thinking when we start putting DC2 to be there might be a bit more let up to re-set of an evening?
I wonder whether I'm just adjusting to having to juggle 2 and the inevitable time split and that a bit of self directed play / staring into space etc is good for them and real life or if I'm being selfish / neglectful / unrealistic trying to do other stuff at this stage?? Thoughts please..

A bit of self - directed play / staring into space will not harm them. Give yourself a break woman!! (I mean this in the nicest possible way). You've just given birth FFS - you ae not not NOT being selfish or neglectful!! You sound as though you're doing a fab job. Presumably the kids' dad is at work during the day ?? but is he helping at weekends / during the evenings?

Thanks MrsMcEnroe. I think I have been that used to DC1 being my little friend I have overlooked that parenting skills such as entertaining themselves and waiting are good to teach too!! - oh dear (I am finding this out now with DC1 not wanting to wait for food etc, so I may have shot myself in the foot by in fact being too attentive?? ). DH is very hands on when not at work which is good, but as a now SAHM I guess I feel all the responsibility is on me for the main upbringing. I think I need to give myself a break and stop thinking every tiny thing I do every day is going to have a significant influence on how they are!!

i put my toddler to bed for a long nap every day, and had a sleep with the newborn at that time every day. for feeding: cbeebies and toys for the toddler.

newborns do sleep alot too,

also i used to take them on long walks to get the naughty out of them :)
newborn in sling/toddler in pushchair or on reins...

gradually it gets easier as baby grows and settles and toddler adjusts.

Well, you might be a bit optomistic expecting to find time for yourself when you have an 18month old and a 6 week old!
As others have said though, it settles down a bit and you learn to work with it. I didn't find the adjustment of my life from 1 to 2 anywhere near as the change in my whole life and being when I had my first dc mind.

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 month old, and feel just like you. Just constantly feel guilty for not giving ds2 the undivided attention ds1 got, they just kind of slot in. Then feel bad ds1 isn't getting the 1 on 1 he used to.
My mum worked in a nursery and told me learning to entertain themselves is a vital skill to learn. My ds1 since ds2 has come along now plays with his cars/train set/ dinosaurs etc. I adore watching him playing and seeing his little imagination working. I make sure that if ds1 comes and sits with me when I am breast feeding that he gets lots of kisses and cuddles. When I feel guilty I just think what a wonderful thing we have done by giving ds1 a little playmate and hopefully a little confidante for life! You sound like you are an amazing and kind mum. Try and take a bit of time for you, my guilty pleasure is watching home and away with a cup of tea when they are both asleep at lunchtime ( my life is so rock and roll) If you can maybe someone else could have dc1 now and again. My mum and dad take ds1 overnight for a day about once a fortnight at least, they take him to the zoo etc and he has the time of his life, and I get time to recharge and spend some alone time with my v cuddly ds2!
Be proud that you are such a caring and thoughtful mum.

Remember, the younger one will have your time when the older sibling goes to playgroup or nursery, so don't feel guilty about not spending so much time with them now.

When the wee one is in bed, get the older one to help you with the housework, mine used to love dusting and helping me tidy. If you make it a game, and chat away at the same time, they don't think they're missing out.

Thank you for all your kind comments Queenie72 and I'm sure your Mum is right. Thanks everyone for your great ideas to juggle both.