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How bad do things have to be before someone will help? :(

9 replies

lentilbake · 03/06/2012 13:12

Okay, A while back I thought I had finally reached a stage where it was easy and i was enjoying it most of the time, but now I am having far more bad days than good and most of the time feel im heading for a nervous breakdown. I usully find I have had enough within 5 minutes of waking.

I keep half wishing that the children lived with someone else I get excited whe half term approaches thinking of all he ovely thing i will do with them then spend the whole time breaking up arguments , maybe i should stop planning things and ake each dy as it comes.

Anyway I just cant cope anymore. 4 children eldest 8 youngest nearly 4, 3 have special needs, at least the 5 year old ha finally been recognised as having problems now - after I ended up in a and e after one of his tantrums. I have tried parening courses to help cope with his behaviour but no help. Homestart first said they had no money to train volunteerss then eventually got me one of their paid staff o help for a few weeks, then aid i didnt need help. I referred mself again recently and said money not a problem just didnt have anyone, arent helpig anybody

OP posts:
LucieMay · 03/06/2012 13:14

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to extend my sympathies to what seems like a terribly difficult situation. I wish you the best of luck in finding a way forward.

lentilbake · 03/06/2012 13:15

sorry should hve said 5 year old has now been referred to CAMHS after months of professionals not taking me seriously but he hant been seen yet nd not ure how long the wait is

OP posts:
Snowboarder · 03/06/2012 14:23

I don't know what to advise as I only have one DC at the moment with no SN. But I did want to sympathise and say that it sounds like you have an awful, awful lot on your plate. 4 children with only 4 years age difference? That in itself would be enough to drive most people bonkers without the added challenge of SN added into the mix. You sound like a normal mum trying to do your very best, so you need have no guilt for feeling like you do.

Maybe the first port of call could be your GP, it may be that you have depression that can be helped with. This obviously wouldn't change your situation but might make it easier for you to cope with at least?

How much help do you get from family? Do you have a partner or friends close by who could help out?

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DoingItForMyself · 03/06/2012 14:33

Really feel for you Lentil. I have 3, none of whom have SN and its hard enough - sounds like you really are at the end of your tether.

As Snowboarder, says, do you have anyone close by who can help out or friends who can swap a DC or 2 (I find that even having 2 extra kids can actually make it easier if it means everyone has someone to play with!)

Don't know how the SN impact on play-dates etc but if you can split them up and have one of yours elsewhere for a couple of hours it can break the pattern a bit, albeit temporarily.

Do you work outside of the house too or have any time to yourself? I find that I am much calmer if I can take half an hour a few times a week to go for a walk or run, meet a friend for coffee, just so that I feel like me for a while instead of mum/wife/housekeeper.

Whatever the solution may be its clear that you can't carry on as you are. x

lentilbake · 03/06/2012 15:11

thanks, no partner, no family near (better off without them - they were awful) and best friends have moved away, hae friends that offer moral support but thats all

OP posts:
Damash12 · 03/06/2012 15:33

Hi I am sorry to read your mail and you sound like you are doing a great job. I have 1 child and at times this is difficult. Do you think you are depressed. If so have you spoke to your GP? I'm not jumping straight to suggesting anti depressants but I was recently feeling how you sound and felt I couldn't cope. I eventually took up the Doctors offer of AD's and now they have kicked in I feel so much better and able to get on with things and just think more clearly. I hope you get the help & support you need. Regards

FeelTheFearButDoItAnyway · 03/06/2012 20:26

How are you now Lentil? It is so so hard sometimes in the best of situations yet you have added stresses with all the things you mention. I don't think people really help unless you ask (they don't always realise you need it). I don't like to ask but when you really need it just ask anyone you can! Some may surprise you!

Janoschi · 05/06/2012 18:12

Just wondering what area you're in. I'm in Glasgow and would be happy to give you a wee break if needed.

Niceupthedance · 05/06/2012 18:21

Action for Children do family support similar to home start in my area, perhaps you could find out if they offer anything near you?

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