Why would ds do this

[chezziejo]

Not quite sure how to word this really. Ds is nearly two, sometimes at bedtime he will have a major screaming fit at bedtime, and we are unsure why. Sometimes he wakes in the night and does the same. I always associated it with night time, but as we speak it's 6am he's downstairs with dp as he dosnt want me (sometimes it will be me he wants not dp) crying and screaming. He can't do a thing with him. It's almost like a tantrum if you give him something, drink, toy etc it gets thrown. He just wants picking up but you have to stand up with him. If you sit or even lean on a wall off he goes again. This can go on for three hours at a time. We have had to take him out in the car a few times but that dosnt work now. He's not in obvious pain, refusing food and drink etc. it's becoming tiring now and more frequent. Anybody have any suggestions as to why he does this and how to stop it? I did wonder if it was a developmental thing but not so sure. In the daytime he is a typical two year old. Has his tantrums and frustrations but generally seems happy and playful.

Sorry for long post and thanks for reading. Weare just at a loss with it.

Hi Chezziejo,

it's a little known fact that crying is not always about wanting something in particular, babies and children cry (and adults too!) to heal from the upsets that we all experience in life. So it may not be that the crying is about something immediate, but more that it is about past upsets.

Hold him comfort him, and show him love, but don't do things to stop the crying such as driving, feeding, etc. If he cries when you sit down then it's actually better to sit down, since he is then able to express his tears more easily.

as a culture there is a huge misunderstanding about crying. You can read more in Tears and Tantrums by Aletha Solter, or have a look at the hand in hand parenting website, in particular this article might help, The cries that bind

Do you know the feeling of release you get after having a good cry, in the presence of a loved one?
I would assume that the reason he is such a happy playful little boy, is because he is getting the chance to release stress and upset in the crying he does before bedtime.

Hi

Thanks for that. Makes a lot of sense actually now I see it put down. We just find it upsetting too when we can't console him. He always comes out of it on his own eventually, but it's so awful at the time. He gets so fretful like he wants a cuddle but dosnt at the same time. We shall weather it like everything else and will definately have a look at the book you recommend. His speech is also poor so I think that won't be helping.

glad it helped, I know it's hard listening to the crying, and their contradictory behaviour, keep offering cuddles, and enjoy the happy boy you have after the storm has passed!