Finding second baby so so hard

[Rhubarbgarden]

I knew it would be hard work, I was under no illusions there, but two weeks in and I'm really really struggling. New ds has really bad colic and most of the time that he isn't asleep he's howling with pain. He's a trial to feed because he fusses on the breast, bouncing on and off and thrashing around, so the only way to feed him is naked from the waist up sitting at home. It means I can't really go anywhere except for a quick half hour trip to the shops between feeds. Two year old dd was dealing with it all really well at first, being very sweet with her new little brother, but she's getting increasingly high maintenance and attention-seeking, presumably because she's not seeing as much of me as she'd like and I'm getting increasingly stressed out and knackered, which she's undoubtedly picking up on.

I'm starting to feel like I just can't cope, and wondering what the hell I'll do when DH goes back to work in a week's time. He's been brilliant so far, taking ds off me and telling me to go and sleep when he sees I'm losing it. But another week and I'm on my own, so I've got to figure out a way of dealing with this.

I know it will get better, he will grow out of the colic and learn to nap and I'll get used to it all, but right now I just feel like bursting into tears half the time, wondering what the hell I've done having a second dc.

Any words of wisdom? I'm at my wits end here.

Oh sweetie I could've written your post almost word for word three weeks ago! With what felt like little support it is bloody exhausting! With a toddler in tow it is hard but I promise you it does get a bit easier as they get older! My advice, although not great cbeebies for short term entertainment for toddler! Sod the housework. Do the basics when you can only until baby sleeps a little longer then you can catch up, I'm only just getting in top of things but my ironing pile has reached new heights hehe! my motto 'I have two kids I'm entitled to a messy house!'

Keep persisting with hv and docs regarding upset baby. Took me ages but turned out my baby had colic, tried everything. Some medicines (infacol etc) take upto ten days. But that didn't work so moved on to another etc until I found one that worked for my baby. If you need to, leave baby in safe place and go to different room for few mins. I've had to do this to stop myself from losing it completely and breaking down. Don't feel guilty for asking for help even if it is getting someone to watch baby for an hour.

When dh went to work I panicked but somehow you manage a routine. Once baby is more settled and naps better than make sure you have one to one with toddler. Even just reading a book etc. and get dh to help as much as he can!

Now my baby has reached six weeks the good days far outweigh the bad ones. The time flies very quickly take one day at a time. HTH x

Toddler and reflux baby here too, so sympathy first of all.
Now for the practical suggestions:

1. sling in upright position (tummy to tummy with baby's legs flexed in a frog position) helps enormously here. When baby looks unhappy going in, I bend legs and go up and down a few times and/or sing and he settles.
2. for colic it might be worth trying lactobacillus rheuteri. Get sciency DH to search the literature: there were some studies in 2009 that were v interesting. I uses it with DS1 with brilliant results.

Sorry, had to break off to go and see DS1, who had woken up.
More suggestions:
3) cuddle up with baby. Sometimes ours were not sleepy enough for the cot but slept quite happily on us, skin to skin. For example, I am typing this with DS2 draped on me. It obliges you to have a rest too, which is no bad thing, and helps with milk production. It might also calm baby enough so that he fusses less at the breast: I find DS2 feeds much better after these extended cuddles- and I feel a lot better too. As bonus, if you are semi-reclined you can have both hands free for reading a book or cuddling/playing with DC1.
4) go out every day for walks. Counterintuitive when you are tired, but it helps baby to nap, tires out the toddler and improves your mood.
5) eat healthily. If you eat rubbish, you'll feel rubbish. Try healthy and easy meals that work for you and toddler. In this house it is pasta, pizza, soups and fish (toddler loves salmon teriyaki- handy as pan-frying salmon is v quick and easy). Get DC1 to help- mine happily washes strawberries or apples in the sink while I get on with cooking.
6) simplify life as much as possible. Shop online, for example, maybe consider cooking shortcuts (for example frozen veg are already washed and often chopped too) and maybe some meals that require v little prep...
7) get help. A friend to sit with DCa while you shower or cook, a cleaner or mother's help if you can afford one. Even 2-3 hours a week will make a difference.

Good luck!

Finally:

Thanks for all the suggestions. Lots to try. I've started making more effort to get a routine going and that's really helping, both my mental state and to prevent ds getting overtired. I've also been waking him when he falls asleep after 10 minutes on the boob and getting him to feed for longer, as much as I can. I'm also making sure I get chance to have a shower and get dressed as early as possible as I feel vaguely in control of things then! He's sleeping better at night as a result of this so we are all coping better. I've managed to spend lots of quality time with dd this morning despite having to handle a massive tantrum over breakfast while ds napped on DH, so she's much perkier.

MIL has just offered to come and stay for a week when DH goes back to work (she lives on the continent so we don't normally get any family help - my own family are all either dead or disinterested) so that is worth considering, even though she does my head in! So on the whole I'm feeling better about things - for now!

Sounds like you can see that little chink of light?! Hope it carries on for you. Enjoy your weekend...
ps good luck with the MIL ;-)

I remember posting something so similar to your OP 2 years ago. My DS was 9wo and I hated him (I think I really did). I had loads of really good responses. I also had raging PND which was quickly treated. DS did actually have a dairy intolerance too.

Every day was like a black hole of joyless nothing. It was so fricken hard!

Anyway - things that helped have all been mentioned here. Be kind to yourself!

I'm really glad things are looking up for you now :)