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Parenting

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Original poster

Put the nipple DOWN

15 replies

Klinda · 30/05/2012 14:41

So my DD is 4months and has always been a bit of a pickle about sleeping, mainly insisting on only sleeping on me. This became so uncomfortable we have made a big effort and finally got her in her cot in her room.

She was starting to sleep longer and better and I was beginning to feel less of a zombie. BUT now she has developed a new tactic which means she cannot be parted from me in the middle of the night. She basically will not be parted from my nipple, the minute I try to detach her, even if she seems really asleep she will ping awake until I relent and latch her on again.

Last night I tried a shush pat type effort that normally works with her for half an hour to no effect! So now instead of sleeping with her in my bed I am now sleeping with her on the sofa in her room, me back can't take much more.

Sorry for long post, anyone got any advice? TIA!

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/05/2012 14:47

A dummy?

Original poster

Klinda · 30/05/2012 14:53

I have considered it but so many of my friends have had a nightmare with dummies (having to reinsert them every 20 mins etc) that I don't really want to go there.

What I really want is for her to be like her brothers and suck her blooming thumb! She is not so keen. :)

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bronze · 30/05/2012 14:55

On the plus side to a dummy you can wean them off them much more easily which is better than a thumb in the long term.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/05/2012 14:59

It can't be worse reinserting a dummy than reinserting yourself. I found that the dummy encouraged settling and, once asleep, it didn't matter if it came out again.

Original poster

Klinda · 30/05/2012 16:46

Good point. However I don't think it is a sucking for comfort thing as she is fine for the first five hours of the night. I think it is more about wanting to keep me with her. How do I reassure her and teach her that being alone to sleep is ok?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/05/2012 17:36

It's going to be like everything else. Reassurance and repetition with a dash of 'whatever it takes'... white noise, a dummy, a nightlight and other tricks of the trade.

Iggly · 30/05/2012 20:49

You're sleeping on a sofa with her?
Please go back to your bed - a sofa is a huge risk for SIDS, more so than a bed.

She's probably going through the 4 month developmental leap. It'll pass and by 5/6 months she'll be happier in her cot. Move her back once she seems ok - I gradually edged away from DD over a few nights/weeks and once she seemed happy I could put her in the cot

Octaviapink · 31/05/2012 09:42

I agree that she's probably missing and needing the extra stabilisation and physical contact (with associated oxytocin, crucial for brain development) that she used to get from you - this is her response to your 'big effort' to get her sleeping in her cot in her room. It's not just the sucking it's the physical contact. She's missing the sound of you breathing in the night, and missing the contact which is incredibly important for infants up to at least six months old. Have you tried more cuddles during the day/ wearing her in a sling? Think of physical contact as a bucket that needs to be filled up every day. Every baby has one - your DD clearly has quite a big one. It's just not getting filled up every at the moment and that may be why she's needing you more in the night. You will do both of you more favours in the long run by going with what she needs now - the alternative is potentially setting her up for longer term anxiety to do with separation.

Annpan88 · 31/05/2012 09:58

4 months is a classic developmental stage for babies. I don't know the ins and outs but sleep is often affected and a growth spurt which means feeding more.

Original poster

Klinda · 31/05/2012 10:10

Thanks for all your replies, plenty to think about.

octavia I like your bucket analogy! I think DD must have a huge bucket of cuddles to be filled cos she has every nap in the sling and is pretty much a limpet.

I think I just have unrealistic expectations of her cos my two sons were real cot lovers but I have to accept she is just different and will take her time.

Think I am just finding it hard with three dc so need my own space back but that is not viable at the moment. Hopefully it'll come in time.

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Chocchip88 · 31/05/2012 10:17

Have you tried the No Cry Sleep Solution? In particular the Pantley Pull Off (sounds rude!). My DS was the same and it worked surprisingly quickly, he was a bit younger so might take longer for you.

You have my sympathies!

Octaviapink · 31/05/2012 12:22

Yes, I found the idea of a cuddle-bucket very helpful when I had a velcro baby - and when I just relaxed myself into the idea that she was 'topping up' I found it much more live-with-able.

ButtonBoo · 01/06/2012 20:32

Do you feed to sleep? Sounds like a bad case of needing to suck to get back to sleep. A dummy might be your saviour but my DD just wouldn't take to one. I first stopped the feed to sleep then endured the battle of getting her to drop off to sleep without me. Cuddled at first, then lay down next to her. Now she goes straight down at night. Getting her to nap though is still diff sometimes and I sometimes have to sit with my hand on her back so she knows I'm there for 10 mins or so. She also just stopped feeding in the night at 6mo so I can now just ssh and hand on back to send her back off to sleep if she wakes in the night. Check out Baby Whisperer book or forum - worked for me!

er1507 · 02/06/2012 21:38

Sounds exactly like my dd when she was this age (now 11mo) I did give her a dummy when he was 5wks and she started refusing it at 5 and half months, she only had it at night and I think she cottond on to what I was doing, I would feed her to sleep then replace my nipple with the dummy of she tried to find it, worked lovely!

greenbananas · 02/06/2012 22:32

You are much safer in bed with your DD than on a sofa. Are you able to feed lying down?

When DS wanted to feed all night as a baby, I decided that sharing a bed with him would be easier than trying to keep putting him in a cot. I simply plugged in a breast and closed my eyes I got a lot more sleep that way and he was much happier.

Hope you find a solution that works for you.

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